Hi All,

I have been getting steadily dizzier over the past few weeks and I have begin getting headaches that were increasing in severity. The ibuprofen wasn't really working either. While I was at the supermarket two weeks ago I finally became overwhelmed with the dizziness. It was time to go to the hospital. Off we went.

A dose of morphine and a CAT scan later, we were on our way home. I would come back again for an MRI and then again for a consult with the neurologist. They could find no swelling and no bleeding in the ER, which was good. But the symptoms suggested something going on.

The MRI showed no remarkable change in the tumor. But, because it occupies 80% of the space in my brain stem, any small movement will affect my ability to function. The doctors have to go on my symptoms because the MRI doesn't really catch the incredibly fine changes in the tumor. They did say there may be more "flares" coming off the tumor which would indicate a change in the activity level or the grade of the tumor. Meaning, it may not be growing but it may be changing composition and becoming cancerous.

The suggested treament is Temador, chemotherapy. I am currently on steroids to see if that helps my dizziness and headaches. I have up to a month to decide if I want to take this route. I am also drinking lots of carrot juice to support my immune system.

I don't know how I feel right now. Sad? Angry? Frustrated? I am dizzy like when you get off a spinning ride at a carnival, all the time. I've gone from forever buzzed to drunk. My headaches come more often and are more painful than they have been and the ibuprofen doesn't always get it done. I've had to stop drinking sweet tea. Am I whining or what?

I am feeling down and sorry for myself. I know it is just temporary. I don't want to have to think about going blind or losing even more abilities. BUT GOD. He is still in control and I will not be afraid. He will never lead me where His grace cannot keep me. His hand is in this even though I cannot see it right now. Let's watch together and see what miraculous things God will do.

Looking for joy in the storm,

Elyse