I need help becoming the mommy God want me to be.  Let me give you a picture:  Last Sunday morning while getting ready for church the Lord pricked my heart and convicted me that I speak nicer to our dog than I do to our daughter.   

Why do I have such a hard time being gentle with her?  Over and over the Bible, especially in the New Testament, talks about being gentle with others.  Why am I so easliy irritated by her?  And why is it so obvious in the way I talk to her?    It makes me so sad that I can't seem to get a grip on myself although I have a strong desire to do so.  I know I can only change - really change - through the power of the Holy Spirit ... I have learned that in the past with other things related to my sometimes harsh demeanor (used to be usually harsh demeanor, so that's good).  Only real and lasting change comes through God and His power to change our hearts and help us live life more abundantly.  Only He can set us free when we see and embrace the truth.   So, what now?  "Help me, Oh God!",  I pray ...

I have been reading Sally Clarkson's "The Mission of Motherhood" and it is so good ... I just picked it up again the other night as I have not been reading anything since I was about 6 weeks pregnant.  It is so convicting and inspiring.  If you have not read it, it is a worthy read.  I am thinking I am going to get a copy of "The Ministry of Motherhood" also by her, as it is supposed to be much more devotional in format ... and I need that.

I know that I am pregnant and I try to take that into consideration, but it's no excuse for treating her, or anyone else for that matter, rudely.  I have never said any words that are ugly to her, but my tone of voice and demeanor is bad enough.  I had come so far and now I feel like I have taken so many steps backward.  I know that it is pregnancy + lack of time spent in prayer + lack of time spent in the Word. 

I must get back to my life - the one God has graciously granted to me ... I praise Him that during this "down" time of my pregnancy He has shown me things & He has lead me gently back home ... to where I am supposed to be and I think this is another part of it, of His leading me home.  He has shown me over the past few months that my earthly focus has been on the new church we are starting, on my friends, on almost everyone and everything but ... my family!

My husband is the youth pastor in our new church (+ he owns his own business and works about 70 hours a week!) and until about a month ago I wasn't helping him really at all.  Hello! 

My family is to be my earthly focus and my mission is motherhood ... I pray that I always remember that!!

Thanks for listening!!