Charm is deceitful and beauty is vain,

But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.

Proverbs 31:30

I am really struggling right now with this.  My ENTIRE life since becoming a teenager has been all about my appearance!  I am seeing now how much in bondage I truly have been to beauty.  I remember buying tons of magazines when I was a teen … Elle, Vogue, etc. … I would go through the magazines and cut out the famous models and put them on my wall.  Why?  Because I aspired to their beauty.  I even tried to become a model, but my Dad (bless his soul) would have no part of that … too many TV movies in the ‘80’s about girls getting into the wrong things as a result of pursuing modeling.  I did do beauty pageants and I really had tons of fun with those.  But, alas, they were all about appearance.

As I am getting older I am realizing just how worldly I have become.  As a teenager and young adult I considered my worth (and, I’m ashamed to say, the worth of others) solely on outward appearance.  Since having babies my body has become more than it once was!  And lately, as I become more engrossed in taking care of my family and in being the best mama and wife I can be, I have “let me appearance go”.  Now, mind you, what that means is this:  I don’t get up every morning and wash my hair and straighten it and finish it “just so”.  I have been getting up every morning and taking a shower and every other day (sometimes longer) I wash it and let it dry completely on it’s own … without even combing it (it looks better that way actually).  The result is less-than-perfect hair … gasp!  I have always taken pride in my hair … ahhhhh … there is the problem!  Pride …

My dear husband, bless his sweet heart, has never ever once made me feel anything less than fully loved by him at any time.  It’s not his fault … it’s my own bondage to worldly beauty that is at fault here.  Yesterday I spent the entire day taking care of my baby, homeschooling my oldest daughter, buying groceries, making baby food and cooking dinner.  I wasn’t particularly concerned about how I looked, quite frankly.  I’m sure my makeup was fading and my clothes weren’t the most attractive, but we had a really good day and my husband arrived to a happy & fulfilled wife and a peaceful home … and this is what he desires most of all.

I am having to take many thoughts captive these days and hide God’s Word in my heart …

Your adornment must not be merely external--braiding the hair, and wearing gold jewelry, or putting on dresses; but let it be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable quality of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is precious in the sight of God. For in this way in former times the holy women also, who hoped in God, used to adorn themselves, being submissive to their own husbands

1 Peter 3:3-5

or as The Message puts it:

What matters is not your outer appearance—the styling of your hair, the jewelry you wear, the cut of your clothes—but your inner disposition.

Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, gracious kind that God delights in. The holy women of old were beautiful before God that way, and were good, loyal wives to their husbands.

Cultivate … what does that mean exactly?  Mirriam-Webster’s Dictionary says that it means “to foster the growth of, to improve by labor, care and study, to further, to encourage”.  As I am learning more and more about gardening, I am learning more and more about what real and good cultivation is.  Unfortunately, it’s not really what the “world” says that it is.  Big farms and agri-business and even most agricultural schools will point you in the wrong direction if you go looking for answers from them.  They think that good cultivation seeks to create the perfect looking product.  But that “perfect” product is lacking in what it was designed by God to produce … nutrients!  So, let’s break it down even further … what are nutrients?  Mirriam-Webster’s Dictionary says that nutrients are substances that nourish … that  promote growth, that nurture.  Hmmmm … interesting.  The world also tells us that as women being worthy hinges on how you look outwardly.  But focusing on looking perfect on the outside means something suffers, and apparently the Lord knows that inner beauty is what loses (see 1 Peter 3). 

If you’ve read any of my blog for any time now you would remember what the Lord has been doing in my heart over the past year with regards to my priorities, especially my parenting.  I was not the most nurturing mama, I did not promote the most growth within my daughter, I was not focusing on my inner beauty.  I am ashamed to say that I did pour an awful lot of time and thought into cultivating my outer beauty and what people thought of me.  But over the past year the Lord has done a tremendous work and completely changed my life, and that of my family, by teaching me how to be a truly good mama and a truly good wife.  I find it interesting that the Good Lord is now leading me to get rid of this ugliness in my heart … and this is just furthering my inner beauty. 

I hope this is all making sense.  This has just blessed me tonight .. the Lord uses my fascination with breaking things down to their root level to show me things I have never seen before!  I love Him! 

Blessings!

~Heather

p.s. please do not misunderstand what I am saying … I am simply talking about priorities here