Graceful Journey

Marriage:
Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas
Redefines the purpose for marriage . . . what if it's not about making us happy but about making us holy.

For Women Only by Shaunti Feldahn
This is the first book I have ever read that so clearly communicated my husband's mind and heart in a way I could understand it. It was my AHA! book of 2005. She has now written For Men Only

Parenting:
Heartfelt Discipline by Clay Clarkson
This is the book I would have written if I hadn't been so busy raising my nine children. Clearly gets to the heart of parenting. Not as practical as I would like but I believe the heart change is needed in order to implement anything practical. Highly recommend ANYTHING by the Clay and Sally Clarkson

How to Talk so Your Kids will Listen and Listen so Your Kids will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish
Now this one is practical. Very clear examples on communicating with our children.

This morning I just began to pray that God would show me how to reach
her heart.  What to do.  What to say.  He began to give me his eyes for
this daughter.  I think she is starting to struggle with the questions
that chase most women.  :::shameless borrowing from Captivating by John
and Staci Eldredge ahead::::  I think she is asking, “Am I beautiful?” 
“Am I worthy?”  “Will you love me no matter what” 

I am afraid that the enemy has planted a seed that she is unlovable and
as she is struggling with that I believe she is actually becoming
difficult to love, almost subconsciously she is testing us to see if we
really love her, if we really think she is worthy and beautiful. 
I know this because it is the same fight I have had over the years.  In
my youth, I did not believe there was any value in me so I became a
person of no value . . . giving myself away to anyone.  In my marriage,
I have fallen prey to the enemies lies and have believed that I was not
worth fighting for.  I believed that I was just a person who would be
abandoned.  It was almost as if I were acting in a way that would make
it easy for my husband to fulfill that negative prophecy.  There were
times that I could almost hear myself screaming in my head, “Will you
fight for me?  Will you love me  no matter what, no matter how ugly I
can be?” 
Immature?  Yeah.  I was stuck in a childhood pattern. 
Praise God for His infinite love, grace and mercy.  Praise God for a
husband who does love me enough to fight for me, to work at tearing
down the brick wall I had put around my heart, who sees my beauty,
inside and out.

God revealed to me this morning that my daughter is struggling with
those questions.  Our answer has to be to love her, to love her enough
to wipe out the fear of not being enough, of not being beautiful, of
not being worthy.
It is difficult not to react in the flesh.  My flesh wants to buckle
down, get more strict, nip it in the bud.  God's heart says run toward
her . . . though I want to turn away from this ugly behavior, I
cannot.  I have to run toward her and chase her with love and prayer. 
It is His kindness that leads to repentance.  I pray for God's
lovingkindness to be so full in my life that it would overflow and pour
all over her.

It is about patience . . . which I believe is much more accurately
translated in the KJV . . . longsuffering.  Suffer long.  Our God is
patient, he is longsuffering, He is willing to suffer long for our
sakes.  Am I willing to suffer long for the sake of my children?  Oh,
my flesh screams “NO!”  I want this to be easy.  I don't want to deal
with this behavior.  I don't want to suffer little, much less long. 
But God's heart suffers long and I desire to have the heart of my
father.

Back to the link though.  I wrote yesterday about a new online homeschool community.  This is sort of a chance for a fresh start and I am being led by the Lord to be more vocal about our parenting paradigm shift.  Already someone has asked if anyone has switched from being a spanking parent to a non-spanking parent.  I was so excited to share my testimony, just a bit of it.  It is a process and I am trying to walk close to the Lord and let Him lead me and teach me.  While posting on that thread, I rediscovered the first Parenting by Grace article I read and I would have to say it was the best as well.  God  spoke to my heart and to my mind through the words.  Granted, it doesn't get specific but that is what God tore from my hands . . . the formulas, the recipes, the crutch.  He wants me to depend on Him, each and every time.  I can't have it all figured out.  I have to seek His wisdom constantly and He is faithful to guide me. 

It is funny how the internet creates community.  People, from all over the world, in different stages of life, in various socio-economic states, sit in front of a screen and find comraderie with virtual strangers who quickly become virtual friends.  The emotional ties are just as strong, if not stronger, than real life relationships.  Through the internet, we find encouragement, hope, prayers. 

So imagine with me.  One morning, the parents sit the children at the table and say,  “A move has been made and starting today, you may not be able to make contact with your old friends but we expect for you to smile, make the best of it, find some new friends.”  They get up and escort the children out the door and to a new life.  The fear, the timidity, the worry, the anger, the sense of betrayal.  All of these changes, out of their control.

This is what happens when major changes happen in online communities.  There is emotional upheaval.  Speculation and words fly.  Feelings are thrown about.  Eventually, peace and good reason reign and we pick ourselves up, dragging the luggage behind us, we find a new place to roost, to make our home.