God can pour on the blessings in astonishing ways so that you’re ready for anything and everything, more than just ready to do what needs to be done. As one psalmist puts it,

He throws caution to the winds, giving to the needy in reckless abandon. His right-living, right-giving ways never run out, never wear out.

This most generous God who gives seed to the farmer that becomes bread for your meals is more than extravagant with you. He gives you something you can then give away, which grows into full-formed lives, robust in God, wealthy in every way, so that you can be generous in every way, producing with us great praise to God.

2 Corinthians 9:8-11 msg

How’s that for a “Mom Passage”?

I just found that this morning and as I read it I knew that I needed to pay attention. I need to get this deep, deep down into the very fabric of my thoughts and my being.

How often do I sigh and feel that I just am not enough. I just can’t do this. I don’t want to have all these “mini-me’s” running around absorbing off of me, taking on the traits that I am modeling for them all day, every day.

But, I am a mom, of five kids, four of whom are girls.

And I can’t do this.

Oh, sure, I can give it a good try and keep that going for awhile… but then I collapse in a heap, sobbing and aching because I can only keep it up for so long. And even at that, my very best efforts really don’t measure up.

I need help. Big help.

Thankfully, I have a Big God.

“My kindness is all you need. My power is strongest when you are weak.” So if Christ keeps giving me his power, I will gladly brag about how weak I am. ¹⁰Yes, I am glad to be weak or insulted or mistreated or to have troubles and sufferings, if it is for Christ. Because when I am weak, I am strong. — 2 Corinthians 12:9 cev

God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, his Spirit deeply and gently within us. — Ephesians 3:20 msg

When I rely on Him and His strength, I can be enough, more than enough, to be the mom He has called me to be.

He doesn’t expect me to do this on my own.

I, your God,  have a firm grip on you and I’m not letting go. I’m telling you, ‘Don’t panic.  I’m right here to help you.’ — Isaiah 41:13 msg

“Embracing God-given dreams means sacrificing the self-inspired dreams, and that’s usually a painful exchange. But the benefits always outweigh the costs.

There can be no resurrection without death. It isn’t fun, but it’s necessary. If you don’t die to yourself, then you’ll operate out of your natural talents and gifts, and you’ll gladly receive the praise for being smart, savvy, and hyperspiritual. That’s not the goal. The goal is that God be glorified in your life by doing something impossible through someone improbable like you.” — Chip Ingram from Good to Great in God’s Eyes — pg 91

I didn’t think that being a the wife and the mother God wanted me to be was a God-given dream. I guess because I thought it was something that I was just supposed to do because I had a husband and children.

I am starting to uncover lies that I have been believing. And that is one of them.

Another is that being a wife and a mom is like learning how to ride a bike. Sure, I would need help at first, as I learned how to balance and stay upright, but eventually, God would have to let go and let me take off on my own.

Wow! Not only is that absolutely crazy, it is absolutely wrong! But then, that is the nature of lies.

As I talked this over with a friend, I began to see a pattern in some things that I said over and over, indicating what was lying buried deep down within my thinking. There were two things that I was starting to say with more frequency.

“I don’t want to be in charge! I don’t want to lead all these people!”

and

“Maybe my husband should quit his job and stay home and school the kids and I should go and get a job.”

As I shared these with my friend, she acknowledged that she had heard me say them, but, especially with the last sentence, she didn’t think I was being serious. She thought I was just joking. And maybe, I was. But, I kept saying it, and thinking it. And it was starting to find some ground in my thinking. Like water on limestone, it was wearing a path in my thoughts.

It was becoming a self-inspired dream.

It was something that I could do on my own. I could go be a graphic designer somewhere… I had done that before. I have skills. I could make money! I could…. And besides, my husband is a teacher for cryin’ out loud! He is a natural at this! I am not! Wouldn’t the kids be much better off if he was with them all day, teaching them, being patient with them…..

But then, where would God be in all of this? Would I need Him? Would I think to rely on Him, if I was doing things that I could do on my own?

I am not a natural mother, I am not a natural teacher. I am an introvert. I am impatient and easily irritated. I like quiet and control and order.

I cannot do this on my own.  And I’m not supposed to.

To embrace my God-given dream of being a wife and a mother after His heart, I have to die to myself and what I can do. Only He can build up these lives He has given me. He has to be at work in me and through me to grow these kids into what He has for them.

And so, I lay down my self-inspired dream and choose to let it die.

And  I take up His dream for me.

———————————————————————————————

This morning He gave me a beautiful word-picture from Isaiah 28 to bring me encouragement. I blogged about it at my other blog, Shapes of Angels.

God works in mysterious ways.

I’m not sure how to write this out. This discovery I am making.

I’m part of a online support group for Christian women. Together we are learning who God made us to be and how to walk in the way He has made us, to bring Him glory in our lives. Part of this group is a book club. We are reading “Good to Great in God’s Eyes” by Chip Ingram. The chapter we are on this week is called “Dream Big Dreams”. I dug into the chapter rather reluctantly, because I am not a dreamer.

I’m just a mom.

I have never had big dreams, much less little ones… So I thought. In the chapter, Mr. Ingram encourages us to ask God to give us a dream, if we don’t have one. So, I did. And God answered that request in a really interesting way this morning.

I was reading through some blogs on my iGoogle Reader this morning and I came across this. Please, click on the word “this” and go watch what is there now. And then, come back. Tears came as I watched. I realized I already had a dream, I just didn’t realize it. And, boy, it is truly God-sized!

Recently, God reminded me of something, and I’m starting to think He reminded me just for this time. Through an old friend, He reminded me that one upon a time, I did not want to be a mom. And I told people about it. Obviously, because my friend laughingly reminded me of the fact as she met my five children. Thankfully, God did not take my selfishly foolish declaration and run with it. He knew He had so much more for me.

He placed the desire for children in my heart. And after two, I was satisfied. So, I was reminded by another old friend not too long ago. When I had my two oldest children, a boy and a girl, I thought we were done. I thought we had our perfect little set and now life could go on very neatly and smoothly.

But God had more for me.

We now have five children and one in heaven. He has this dream for me, that I could have never come up with on my own. And it is definitely God-sized.

This dream is held within a broken, clay jar. There are big holes in this jar and I am learning that those holes are there for His bright, shining glory to shine through.

He also showed me this morning that I still have a ways to go in truly accepting this dream and running with it. You see, there is still a dark little spot in my heart that still doesn’t want the dream. Every once in awhile it bubbles up to the surface, crying, “I don’t want to do this!” He just showed that to me this past weekend. I need to let that go. I need to die to myself in that area and give it all to Him.

And with His help, I can.

“It is certainly important to grasp the great calling of motherhood
and respond to a vision for what a family can be.
But it’s the way I respond to my children in everyday moments
that gives me the best chance of winning their hearts.
If I have integrity and patience in the small moments of life
that are so important to my children,
and if I approach them with a servant’s heart,
then I have a far better chance of influencing them
in the larger and more critical issues of life.”

– Sally Clarkson — from “The Mission of Motherhood” Pg. 63

This calling of motherhood is a huge task,
multiplied by five in my case.

It is so easy to get overwhelmed by the enormity of it.
It is so easy to sink down into selfish wallowing,
grasping and clutching at any little scrap that can be MINE, and mine alone.

But I am called to disciple these precious ones in my care.

And I am not alone.
This yoke is not for me to carry in my own strength.

Jesus came to this world and demonstrated
so beautifully what a leader looks like.

A leader serves. A leader teaches by living it —
moment by moment, task by task, need by need.

Jesus knew that the Father had put Him in complete charge
of everything that He came from God and was on His way
back to God. So He got up from the supper table, set aside His robe,
and put on His apron. Then He poured water into a basin and began
to wash the feet of the disciples, drying them with his apron.
After He had finished washing their feet, He took His robe,
put it back on, and went back to His place at the table.
Then He said, “Do you understand what I have done to you?
You address me as ‘Teacher’ and ‘Master,’ and rightly so.
That is what I am. So if I, the Master and Teacher,
washed your feet, you must now wash each other’s feet.
I’ve laid down a pattern for you.
What I’ve done, you do. I’m only pointing out the obvious.
A servant is not ranked above his master; an employee doesn’t give orders
to the employer. If you understand what I’m telling you,
act like it — and live a blessed life.”

John 13:3-5, 12-17

To accomplish great things
I must do the little things with love.

I must set aside all that I think is mine
and be there to find lost iPods,
put bandaids on scraped knees,
make sure supper is made and the dishes get done,
that there are clean clothes in the dressers.

I must look deep into those eyes
and compliment the lopsided ponytail done all by herself.

I must listen to a description of
the latest computer game
with interest, asking questions at the right time.

I must give space when it is needed,
and time that is required.

All with quiet love.
Asking not to be recognized,
all the while laying a foundation
of love and trust.

It is the small moments of life
that matter the most.
Building on each other they
model a life surrendered to Jesus,
tying hearts to His and to mine.

There are days when it just seems that it is all too much.

There is so much to do and so little of me to go around.

Those daily, day after day things, grind me down. Like water on limestone.

There are many days that I forget to remember that I do not have to do this in my own strength. That it is not all up to me. I just need to remember to take my loaves to the Lord for Him to multiply.

“The apostles returned and reported on what they had done. Jesus took them away, off by themselves… But the crowds got wind of it and followed.” — Luke 9:10-11

“As the day declined, the Twelve said, ‘Dismiss the crowd so they can go to the farms or villages around here and get a room for the night and a bite to eat. We’re out in the middle of nowhere.’  ‘You feed them,’ Jesus said.” — Luke 9:12-14

In these verses the apostles had just returned from their first mission trip, traveling light, healing people and sharing The Message.

They had been expecting a time alone with Jesus, to refresh and renew, to share all about their trip. Instead, the crowds tracked them down and wanted Jesus’ attention.

There they were out in the middle of nowhere, with all these hungry, tired people.

How many times have I felt like that? Surrounded by my own hungry crowd, at a complete loss as to what to feed them.

The apostles had Jesus right there with them. He showed them once again, that He is able, to provide what is needed.

The thing is, He’s right here with me, too.

I just need to remember to bring Him my loaves and watch Him provide.

Everything Glorious