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Teaching My Children How to Take Responsibility……

Apr 20th, 2010 by HisWillingVessel

Teaching My Children How to Take Responsibility……

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The older I get the wiser I grow when it comes to training my children up in the way they should go. I want my children to always be able and willing to take responsibility for THEIR own actions. I don’t ever want them to blame someone else for a consequence that they have EARNED with THEIR own actions.

I always tell them if they don’t like the consequences they receive then they need to not do the actions they did. The only one to blame for the consequences they receive is themselves. I feel it is very important that children understand this from a young age. It prevents them from growing up with victim mentalities. The sooner a child understands that they have total control over this area in their lives the better off they will be. Too many people in the world today walk around with victim mentalities pointing their fingers and blaming everyone else but themselves for what happens to them in their lives. When in reality the only one they should be blaming is themselves because they are to blame for their own situations and circumstances. It was them that created them with their very own actions.

I hope that parents of today will see the importance of teaching their children this concept from an early age. Not only will their children benefit by them doing so but the world and the people around them will benefit from it also. Those of us who have been around children and adults who have a victim mentality know exactly what it is I am saying.

Something I tell my children, if they do something wrong, is that I love them way too much to let them blame me for something they chose to do. It is my job to give them consequences for the actions they chose to make. It is not my fault they made the decision they made to do the thing they chose to do. I am only doing my job when I give them a consequence. If I didn’t give them a consequence I would not be doing my job. I often tell them that I will do everything in my power to teach them how to be responsible and to help them see that nobody is to blame for the choices they make, nobody but themselves.

I often tell them I love them too much to let them get away with making poor decisions in their lives as well as I can never allow them to use others, including myself as their scapegoat for the decisions they did make. I will never leave my child to fester over something they don’t seem to understand at the time. It is important to me for them to understand the concept I am trying to teach them before I will let the situation be. If it takes an hour of talking with them before they completely understand then that is what I will do. I want their HEART!!! I want them to take responsibility for THEIR actions and I want them to never blame someone else for what it is they chose to do. When a child has a victim mentality they will never learn to take responsibility for the things they choose to do in their life. This later on creates dysfunctional adults, and sadly we have prisions full of them. I believe we have some people in prison who are truly innocent who were put in prison by mistake but for the MOST part the ones there belong there yet most of them will claim they are innocent. Or they will blame someone else for being the reason they are there. I want my children to be functional adults who have something to offer and benefit the community with. I want them to have a lot of good to offer to others not blame others for choices they made.

I think the best gift I can ever give to my children is to teach them to be wise in all the choices they make in their lives. Being wise in who they choose to associate with and to remember it is never okay to blame those around us for what happens to us but to learn to take responsibility and step up to the plate when we make bad choices in our lives. For when we take responsibility for what it is we do it is only then that we can take the steps towards changing and begin the steps towards correcting our mistakes and faults and work on becoming a better person in every and any way we can.

Something to think about. Any input? Any comments? Any thoughts? I would love to hear what others think about this. Feel free to leave some feedback……

Dearest Lord,

I thank you so very much for your love, your guidance and your patience. I thank you for your insight and wisdom when it comes to helping direct and guide me in training up the children you have blessed us with, in the way they should go. I ask for your continued love and your continued guidance in all that I do. Especially in the raising of these precious ones. I thank you and praise you for you love! In your precious name I pray, Amen!

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Who’s Afraid of the Dark???? NO ONE!!! When you know Psalm 91….

Jan 11th, 2010 by HisWillingVessel

Who’s Afraid of the Dark???? NO ONE!!!,,,,When you know Psalm 91…..

For so many years of my adult life, as well as throughout my childhood, I would have so many nightmares. I then started noticing that more and more of my children began to have nightmares as well over the years. Through several prayer requests I had multiple people share with me that God gave them a Psalm for them to give to me. They said that he wanted me to read this Psalm which was Psalm 91 by myself and to my children every night at bedtime. Sometimes the Psalm was given directly to me and other times if someone was praying for one of my children they would say God has Psalm He wanted to give to me so that I could read it to the child nightly. If they were old enough they would just read it out loud to me.

So that is what we have been doing for awhile now. The amazing thing is that I wrote it up in Calligraphy, handwriting style, and then copied it onto different colored paper for each child. I then laminated each of their sheets for them and we now use them nightly.

Every night each child would hold their colored sheet with Psalm 91 on it and we would read together. Over time I found that they had all memorized it even our 5 yr old twins had it memorized even though it is quite long. Here is one of the twins saying it by herself. I now have each of them say recite it out loud one by one before bed. They still get a little confused at the end but I know it won’t be long before they have it down perfectly.

My husband also read it as if it was a story and had soft music playing in the background and put it onto a CD. We now play it for them at bedtime to fall asleep to.

Not only has it stopped the nightmares but it helps improve their reading skills and teaches them to recite in front of a group of others without being nervous. It is also a wonderful way to hide God’s Word in their hearts.

So I decided to video tape it and share it with those of you who may have children who may also have nightmares.

Give it a try, it is amazing how fast children can memorize and retain things. Enjoy…I hope you find it helpful as well as find it as adorable as I do!!!!

Dearest Lord,
I pray that this blesses many. I also look forward to continue to fill each of their hearts with more and more of your Word! In Jesus name I pray. Amen~

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Children of Today…….

Jan 10th, 2010 by HisWillingVessel

Children of Today……..
I have been pondering some thoughts today that I thought I would share. I write this from a heart that is concerned about where the children of today are headed sad to say but I refer to both christian and non-christian children of today.  We as their parents  are responsible to teach them what is wrong and what is right.  What is acceptable and what is not. We need to teach them to NOT be self focused but to focus on the good of others.  When we learn to look to the good of others we don’t have the time for self pity or to carry a victim mentality.  Do to others as you would have them do to you…..There was an incident that happened that just got me to thinking and pondering and recalling many things I have observed around me over the years.  So I  am writing them down here and sharing my thoughts with all of you. As my sweet friend Tracy calls them the PONDERING moments…

I am observing more and more how so many kids of today snow their parents with deceit by over dramatizing the truth. In a sense so many children today are getting away with bearing false witness against others.  When we as parents allow our children to do this we are allowing them to sin against others and bring harm to the reputation of those they are making accusations towards..  We as parents have the responsibility to teach our children how to tell the difference between someone who has TRULY and PURPOSELY sinned against them wanting to cause them harm and someone who was behaving in a childish and or a foolish manner.

Now I am not saying that being foolish is okay because it is not something we condone in our home.  Even the Bible says it is bound up in the heart of a child and needs to be driven/corrected far from them.  But I know I want my children to be judged by God fairly therefore I want them to give others that same respect by giving them the benefit of the doubt.  I don’t ever want them to be so quick to pass judgement on others which is not even our place anyway that is God’s job.  God tells us He will judge us in the same manner that we judge others. 

When we allow our children to become dramatic in their behavior, it tends to cause a victim mentality in them which in turn can cause them to view things in a very skewed manner.  Viewing everything as a crime against them and not learning to give people the benefit of the doubt will only cause others to shy away from them because they will be viewed as tale bearing/gossips someone you cannot truly trust.  Someone who takes everything to heart and makes up stories by distorting the truth.  This is usually done by those who wallow in the drama of their own of self pity. Therefore you never know if or when they may turn on you as well as tell stories that always seem to embellish on the truth. 

If my children are going to make a statement indicating something negative in regards to someone else they better have a strong and solid case against that person in order to be making such a strong and bold statement against them.  I would also find it necessary to correct my other children if they then begin to form opinions of other family members of this person without just cause.  Hearsay that is not even accurate is NOT a just cause.  What type of example would I be setting if I allowed my children to behave this way towards other people?

I am the first to want to know if my child harms anyone in anyway. And when it comes to foolish/childish behavior we have a rule, if it isn’t fun for everyone it is NOT fun. So if you are playing around with someone and they don’t find it fun or funny then you are to stop immediately, period end of story. But it is important to me to be sure I am NOT encouraging my children to automatically take offense to everything someone says or does to them.  I don’t want my children to grow up with a victim mentality.  It is not fair to others and I am not doing my children any justice in allowing them to do so.

In an incident like this I feel it appropriate that both children should be addressed regarding this matter. It should be explained to the one who was being foolish/childish that when we act foolishly/childish it can cause someone else to have hurt feelings or view us differently.  And even though what was done was NOT done to intentionally cause the other person harm it may still hurt their feelings so we need to always be aware of what we say and do especially when others are involved.  And then for the one who ran to their parents with a story that was not even  the truth, I would focus on why the child would lie using such harsh and false accusations against the other child.  Using very strong words saying someone said very very mean mean things to you almost acting hateful towards you is a big thing to accuse someone else of.  That should NOT be taken lightly when it isn’t the truth I feel that shows it is time to address the child for making these false claims and accusations against another. 

In our home we have a process my husband made up that we follow when someone does something to the other.  The first child is to tell the other child what they feel they did wrong or what they didn’t like done/said to them and they are to ask the other person to stop.  If the other person stops then that is the end of the problem and they carry on. No bad feelings no harboring on the issue they let it go and move on.  If the other person doesn’t stop there is a good chance they are trying to be hurtful therefore the first child tells the other child that they are to go tell on themselves. At that point we hear the story from the child himself and we decide, as parents, if what the child was doing was wrong and needs to be addressed.  If we felt it was not an issue we explain why and they go off on their way.  By doing this we are teaching them to not take everything as a harmful act committed against them.  It helps prevent that victim mentality.  Now if the first child tells the other child to tell on themselves and they don’t then and only then may that first child come and tell us what was done and said and we handle it as disobediience.  We want the child to come to us whether they think it was a big deal or not because it helps teach them what is okay and what is not okay when they discuss it with us.  They won’t know unless they are taught.  Now if the first child comes running to us without first going thru the process then they will also be corrected. Because we consider that bearing false witness being a gossip and we just DONT TOLERATE that in our home. God addresses gossips and tale bearers in the bible and not in a good manner.

Sadly I have seen so many children lose friends because of this kind of behavior and as parents we are not doing our children any justice by allowing them to behave in this manner.  Isn’t it better to teach our children to give people the benefit of the doubt instead of thinking the worst of them ? In doing so they will quickly learn that the world is NOT out to get them and that people are human and we all make mistakes. I want my children to learn and grow to become like…..the following verses……

1Co 13:5  Doth not behave itself unseemly, seeketh not her own, is not easily provoked, thinketh no evil;
1Co 13:6 Rejoiceth not in iniquity, but rejoiceth in the truth.

That is the goal for my children because I want them to learn to always treat others the way they want to be treated. That is what I have always focused on teaching them and I will continue to do so until my job of training them is done.  We are far from perfect and are still a work in progress but I think for the most part my children have the basic knowledge and understanding of how important it is to be careful of what you accuse others of because while they may be busy pointing their finger at someone else there are 3 fingers pointing back at themselves.  They have their own work to be doing on themselves they don’t have time to be pointing out the faults of others….. Let he who has no sin cast the first stone….

 Anyway that’s my thoughts for the moment…….What’s your take on it???

Dearest Lord,
I pray that you plant your seed in the hearts of the children of today so that as they grow it will germinate with time . I pray that the future generation will be for you Lord and they will live for you and serve you with their whole hearts.  I pray you put the urgency of this need on the hearts of parents of today!  In Jesus name I pray. Amen

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What is Visiting and Who Does It?

Jun 16th, 2009 by HisWillingVessel

I just got back from visiting my Nana of is 96 years old and grew up in Italy until she was 16 years old.   Sadly although her body is strong her short term memory is going because she has dementia.  When I went to go see her, I hadn’t seen her for 2 years because I live far away from her.   While I was there she kept on asking me what I was doing was called  I was trying to explain to her that I was visiting her.  She wanted to know who did these kinds of things and I said visitors.  Her expressions while she is trying to ask me questions and while I am answering them is so sweet and precious. This moment in time is so very precious to me.  It is a priceless and precious memory I will treasure forever.  Enjoy!  I was trying to explain to her that I was visiting her.  She wanted to know who did these kinds of things and I said visitors.  Her expressions while she is trying to ask me questions and while I am answering them is so sweet and precious. This moment in time is so very precious to me.  It is a priceless and precious memory I will treasure forever.  Enjoy!

Dearest Lord,
I love my Nana with all my heart. Keep her safe in your arms. Comfort her in times of need and sadness and always keep fresh in her mind this time we spent together as I too want to forever remember it.  Thank you precious Jesus!  In your precious name I pray!  Amen~

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Another Take on……."They Say that Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder"…..I Say Except when…..

Mar 18th, 2009 by HisWillingVessel

Another Take on……."They Say that Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder"…..I Say Except when…..

I have been pondering the magnitude of truth, in the saying "Beauty is in the Eyes of the Beholder." That statement is so very true in many circumstances but I find that there is one circumstance where it should NOT apply. The one exception is when it comes to how we view other people. I believe we should view the beauty of others in only one way, which is God’s way, deep down from within.

When we meet someone new, what factors do we use to define, decide and base our opinion of that persons beauty? Would you say that the manner most of us use to gauge someone else’s beauty is a shallow one? Would you say that many of us are far too quick to judge and form an immediate opinion of a person based solely on our first impression of them as well as their outer appearance? How sad for that person to have been judged long before we even took the time to get to know them on the inside. God says He will judge us in the manner in which we judge others. Is that how we would want God to judge us when we stand before Him?

How someone looks on the outside bears no weight or value in the true realm of beauty, whether it be in this lifetime or in eternity. The way someone looks on the outside matters not to God. Outer beauty fades with time but inner beauty lasts forever. Some of us may not be as pretty or as handsome as the next and some of us may have birth defects or damage due to injuries. But none of that matters or bears any weight, on who we are deep inside, and what our hearts hold within.

The way we dress, the color of our hair, the tattoos we may get or the body piercings some of us have done do not make up who we are within our hearts. The way we dress up our outer appearance is between God and us. ALL of us do NOT hold the same convictions when it comes to things like that so therefore it is not right for us to condemn those who may have different convictions in those areas. God uses all of His Willing Vessels to reach out and extend His love to everyone for God is No Respecter of Persons. Having a tattoo or purple hair is not going to stop God from using you to further His kingdom. If anything God will use that tattoo and purple hair to reach out to someone else who also has a tattoo and purple hair and doesn’t know Him. And most likely they will open up and listen to someone who looks more like them than they would of if a clean cut business man was to walk up to them and try to share the love of Christ with them.

God sees something way deeper than we as humans can see. The beauty God looks at is NOT skin deep! Not only do we as humans have shallow vision but we also have tunnel vision. Our vision is unlike God’s for God has x-ray vision as well as panoramic vision so His vision holds absolutely no limits. Yes it is true that God sees the outside of people too and He looks right past it and through it all and seeks to look right into the depths of our hearts. For the Heart of the Matter is our hearts and that is all that matters to God. For what He sees in the heart of all people is the only BEAUTY He is looking for the only beauty that matters and the only beauty that counts in this lifetime and throughout eternity!

So may we all take the time to look within a persons heart and soul and look past the superficial surface stuff for that matters not! Let us all extend our hearts and love to those we know and to those we don’t know. May we all give to others and judge others in the same manner as we wish to be judged by God the day we stand before Him!

The love Christ had for us pierced the surface of the flesh and went right down inside of Him.

What’s your take?
My Dearest and Precious Jesus,
Thank you for loving us unconditionally without limitations and with such depth! I pray that you can teach us all to see others in the same way you do. I pray that you can teach us all to love others the way you do! May we grow in you and model the Agape love that you give to everyone of us all so willingly and freely! Thank you for being my Lord and Savior! In Jesus name I pray! Amen~

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