At Home with the Hobbs

I celebrated, and I mean celebrated, my 25th anniversary with the most wonderful man in the world last week.  It seems so hard to believe that 25 years ago we committed our lives to one another.  We have been through a LOT, both good and bad, but a lot of good.  We grew up together, at least I grew up after marrying him at 18.  He has seen my very worst and maybe a little best (but not a lot).  He knows me better than anyone else and loves me the most, I think.  There is little I wouldn’t do for him.  He is my very life.

I was thinking about what love really is.  It’s hard to define, especially after 25 years.  I thought I knew what love was when I was 18 and marrying the cutest guy I’d ever seen.  I loved his blue eyes, but even more his passionate love for God that was willing to give anything and pay any cost to follow Jesus.  I wanted to go with him wherever God called him, to help him and to give my life alongside his. 

At times we have struggled in our focus, or maybe I have.  Five children and one miscarriage later things don’t seem as black and white as they used to.  Close friends have let us down and relatives have passed away.  Losing a baby on Christmas changed that holiday forever.  Watching a parent lose his mind in recent days has brought incredible sadness and pain.

So what is love?  One thing I’m certain about is that it’s not ooshy-gooshy romantic nonsense.  Actually there is that element but it seems somehow small compared to the depth of feeling I have for my man. 

No, real love is about sacrifice.  It’s about being there when no one else understands.  It’s about doing the hard stuff when no one sees or understands.  It’s about suffering together and laughing together and understanding what no one else does.  It’s about a promise and a faith that transcends this earth.  It’s about service and obeying God.  And it’s even more than all of that.

I read some quotes about love that I think begin to express some of what love is about.  Thanks to owlhaven.net for these.  And to my dear, dear husband, thanks so much for being the example of love to me that you have been.  I have been so faithless and lazy in our relationship and you have been true and patient and sacrificing.  I love you beyond anything I could ever have imagined 25 years ago.  I can’t even imagine what our love will be like 25 years from now!  But if God wills, I’ll be here beside you.  Just where I belong.

Do not think that love in order to be genuine has
to be extraordinary. What we need is to love without
getting tired. Be faithful in small things because
it is in them that your strength lies….Mother Teresa.

“True love” isn’t so much a dreamy feeling that you have
as it is an enduring commitment to give sacrificially — even,
or perhaps especially, when you don’t feel like it….William R. Mattox, Jr.

To love someone means to see him as God intended him….. Fyodor Dostoyevsky.

We all love best not those who offend us least,
nor those who have done most for us, but those who make
it most easy for us to forgive them….Samuel Butler.

The strongest evidence of love is sacrifice….Carolyn Fry.

Spread love everywhere you go: first of all
in your own house. Give love to your children,
to your wife or husband, to a next door neighbor…
Let no one ever come to you without leaving better
and happier. Be the living expression of God’s kindness;
kindness in your face, kindness in your eyes, kindness in
your smile, kindness in your warm greeting….Mother Teresa.

My crew is all out and about working at various jobs.  Oldest son at home and #3 son are mowing and doing yardwork for an elderly couple down the road.  Hubby and daughter and youngest son are going to Granny’s to mow and do yardwork and check on Pa in the nursing home.  And I am here…..alone.

It’s strange being in this house all alone.  I feel strange and it is SO quiet.  Even though my kiddos are getting older and are sometimes in their rooms with the doors shut reading or listening to Chronicles of Narnia CDs or playing with Legos, just their presence in this house gives it a different feel.  I know they are not here and I am somehow strangely sad.

It reminded me of a conversation with my sister in which she was relating to me friends who cannot wait for their children to get back into school.  I’ve heard it many times from others.  I can NEVER relate.

For one, my children have never been in school and I have not cultivated that "alone" feeling.  I suppose silence and loneliness are things you get used to and maybe like once you get there, but I have never had that as part of my experience.

For two, I LOVE my children and love being with them.  They truly complete my life.  I feel like a part of me is missing when they are gone.  I have gotten used to my oldest being gone and married (a good thing), but I still feel like we are missing someone around here.  I guess I always will.

I know there will come a day when I will be more alone than I am right at this stage of my life.  And I suppose I will find joy and fulfillment there.  But I don’t crave it.  I like my life of busy children and lots to do.  I like talking and having someone answer.  I even like breaking up disagreements and cleaning up messes.

There is really someone else here even when I am alone.  "Never will I leave you, never will I forsake you.  So we say with confidence, ‘The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid.  What can man do to me?’" (Hebrews 13:5-6)  The beauty in solitary times is that my God is my friend, my helper and my constant companion.  He will always be here and that will never, ever change.  Ahh, what a relief!

A man’s ego is an important thing.  I think as women, far too often, we criticize a man’s ability to do something.  This is tragic and often drives men away, not only from the women in their lives, but also away from attempting anything that might potentially be criticized.

As a result, men often withdraw emotionally from their wives, children and even their God.  They feel unimportant and not valuable.  They don’t try the hard things and don’t live the cutting edge lives that God intended.

It is often popular for women to ridicule men, or do things independently from men, taking pride in showing them up.  Men are seen as wimpy and incompetent.

How I pray that my life will praise my man.  I want to turn from a life where I do my own thing in my own way.  I want my marriage to show my love and respect for my husband.  I want to build him up and never tear him down.

Do I have a long way to go?  Yes!  But by God’s grace, I can be my husband’s biggest fan.  I can tell him how strong and capable I think he is.  I can raise his public image and talk to others about what a great man he is.  In private, I can give him honest admiration.

"A wise woman builds her house, but a foolish one tears hers down with her own hands." Proverbs 14:1

I can’t believe I’m thinking about doing this, but I’m probably changing history curriculum.  Yikes!  My children still in this home school balked loudly when they first heard me discussing it.

But I feel like time is flying by.  I want to sew with Hannah and teach the boys how to draw some and appreciate more art and music and learn more Scripture and visit more needy people.  I don’t want these years to go by without doing what matters most..  AND probably most importantly, I want to reach the hearts of my children in ways I haven’t before.  I want to hear from God and obey in ways I haven’t before.  I want more relationship with God and each other and maybe not so much academics.

The only thing that stays the same is change.  I feel old. 

I have had so much on my mind lately and not a lot of time to blog.  But I am really trying to set priorities in my life and that has meant putting my husband, children and church before my blogging time.

But I have a few minutes…no wait, my youngest wants to read a book.  I’ll be back later!

We just finished up a week of Vacation Bible School.  I was so privileged to get to spend a week teaching and getting to know a great group of 5th and 6th grade girls.  The girl I mentioned before from camp came every day.  Today she told me that she had made a commitment to read her Bible every day and she showed me a notebook in which she was writing down things that God was speaking to her.  I was so excited.

Our theme for our week of Bible School was….the Bible!  We did a curriculum from Answers in Genesis that was absolutely tremendous.  Each day we learned about a different aspect of God’s Word and why the Bible is God’s Word, His absolute authority for our lives and the number one priority in hearing from God.  It was so cool.  I learned LOTS myself and was challenged in many ways.

One way that I was challenged was in daily Bible reading.  God’s Word is our spiritual food and it must be our priority to hear from God daily in order to grow.  I do read my Bible almost daily and it is a habit but I don’t think I have done a good job of helping that habit to develop in my children.  Just like brushing our teeth is a habit and not something so hard to work into our day, Bible study can and should be the same.  I am committing to helping my youngest have a daily time in God’s Word.  Right now that means I read to him each day until he picks up the habit.  Then hopefully he will read on his own.

Another great theme that came from our week was the absolute authority that the Word of God has over nature, health, even life and death.  Jesus spoke and the wind and waves obeyed.  Jesus spoke and a centurion’s servant was healed.  God spoke and the world came into existence.  Even Jesus obeyed God’s Words when he prayed, "Not my will, but thine be done."  God’s Word has the answer to whatever need I have.  I resolved to quit trying to figure things out on my own; rather, to look to the Bible for my answer to questions or needs.

Check out great resources at:  www.answersingenesis.org