* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and insist to others that you "like it that way."
* Drum on every available surface.
* Sing the Batman theme constantly.
* Staple papers in the middle of the page.
* Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don’t give it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home.
* Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.
* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.
* Set alarms for random times.
* Honk and wave to strangers.
* Dress only in clothes colored Hunter's Orange.
* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.
* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of rental movies.
* Decline to be seated at a restaurant, and simply eat their complementary mints by the cash register.
* ONLY TYPE IN UPPERCASE.
* Pay for your dinner with pennies.
* Repeat everything someone says, as a question.
* Wander around the restaurant, asking other diners for their parsley.
* Push all the flat Lego pieces together tightly.
* At the laundry mat, use one dryer for each of your socks.
* As much as possible, skip rather than walk.
* Stand over someone's shoulder, mumbling, as they read.
* Leave your turn signal on for fifty miles.
* Pretend your mouse is a CB radio, and talk to it.
* Name your dog "Dog."
* Ask people what gender they are.
* Reply to everything someone says with "That's what YOU think."
* Lick the filling out of all the Oreos, and place the cookie parts back in the tray.
* Forget the punch line to a long joke, but assure the listener it was a "real hoot".
* Follow a few paces behind someone, spraying everything they touch with a can of Lysol.
* While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet.
* Make beeping noises when a large person backs up.
* Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September.
* Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down.
* Mow your lawn with scissors.
* At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!"
* Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment.
* Never make eye contact.
* Shout random numbers while someone is counting.
* Make appointments for the 31st of November.
* Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know. |
• Tuesday, May 13, 2008 - Untitled Comment