Dec. 26, 2005 - Guilt. Fear. Doubt. Love....
Absolutely no doubt about it. God is good. He is faithful. He is loving, merciful, and gracious. I know He loves me. He has richly blessed me and gifted me.
O how I love you, Jesus!
And yet......I am so, well, sad. Down. Depressed. Lonely. I feel guilty saying it. I feel guilty telling even God that. Yet He knows. He knows me. Praise the Lord, He knows me.
I think it's that we finally are finished with our home repairs. We are totally finished. We nearly lost our home in Hurricane Katrina and have spent the last several months busily, frantically, getting our home liveable again. We have dealt with insurance, FEMA, Red Cross, and contractors. We have shopped for flooring and furniture and paint. We have worked so hard and been so busy and exhausted that we haven't had time to stop and consider what had happened. Our children have been acting out and having nightmares and tantrums. And now here we are, and dh and I find ourselves downright depressed. WHY? We still have a home. We didn't lose everything like so many of our friends. We have so much to be thankful and grateful for. Again...guilt. I have no right to be down because I have a house and I can name 10 friends off the top of my head that are in FEMA trailers right now.
But reality is sinking in. I don't have anything to keep my mind occupied like I did. We've settled with insurance and FEMA. There are no more phone calls, no more waiting on mail. no more painting or building or negotiating or fixing....just back to "normal" life. And now T is talking. He's four and he's talking about what happened. About his fears. About his losses. About his friends that don't have homes. About hurricanes and God and what if....
And I guess I"m wondering the same thing. I'm scared too. I'm scared to death that it'll happen again and maybe next time we won't get so lucky. I'm scared that we won't be able to afford another disaster like this.
I"m really scared that my faith is so weak after God has proven so powerfully that HE is in control. Complete sovereign control.
Forgive me, precious Lord, for having such doubt and fear. Who was it that said "worry is just a nice word for 'unbelief' " --- I think it was Anne Graham Lotz. No matter ---- I am guilty of unbelief. I totally *get* what the man said to Jesus : "I believe....help my unbelief!"
Father God, forgive me for my unbelief. Forgive me for my guilt, my doubt, my worries, and my fears. I know that I know that I know that You alone are sovereign, merciful, mightly, and abounding in grace. I know you spared my family and my home for a reason. I know that I have no reason to fear. Oh how I love you, Lord.
Forgive me.
Comments
Dec. 26, 2005 - A Prayer
Posted by rosehillranch
"Dear Father, Thank you for my precious friend. You see how she loves you with all her heart. Please speak to her spirit and give her the peace that she so desperately needs right now. Please speak the Word that will set her heart at rest as she trusts in you, for, 'You will keep in perfect peace him whose mind is steadfast because he trusts in you.' In Jesus Name, Amen."
Dec. 28, 2005 - Encouragement for you
Posted by Happyhome
I honestly can't even begin to imagine the gammet of emotions you have probably been through over the last few months. Yes, the Bible says to "fear not" or to "be anxious for nothing" and yet God created us. He knows that in our flesh those feelings are normal. Instead of giving into them, we must see them as opportunities to trust Him. He truly wants us to "be anxious for nothing" because He knows He has our best interest at heart and there really is no reason for fear.
My devotion yesterday was talking about knowing what's around the next corner in life. If we did know, we would most certainly try to alter or fix it in some way. We would try to change the path because we can't see God's purpose in it. We don't know what's coming, but we know the One who does. He knows when the next hurricane is coming, or the next job loss, or the next difficult relationship...whatever it is, He IS in control.
Don't beat yourself up for how you are feeling. You have confessed your sin to the one who is faithful and just to forgive your sin and cleanse you from all unrighteousness. God's grace is sufficent and his mercies are new every morning! He created you and is constantly growing you to be more like Him...even through a hurricane.
Blessings & cyber hugs,
Angela
Dec. 31, 2005 - Untitled Comment
Posted by DandelionSeeds
Blessings to you and yours for the coming year.
In Him,
Amy
Dec. 31, 2005 - Untitled Comment
Posted by rachelle
Praying for God's peace and blessings to rest on you and your family now and through the coming year.
