Christmas Cheer From Connor

One day after school, Connor and Will were sitting on the floor, picking at crumbs on the carpet and arguing about the existence of Santa.

"He's not real Will," Connor firmly and mercilessly stated. "But there was a real guy...I think his name was Santa Claus too. And he was a good toymaker and nice to children and do you know what happened to him?" (Big dramatic pause from Connor.) "He died! And one day you will too!"

Well doesn't that put you in the holiday mood? He should write for Hallmark.

8:55 AM - Dec. 14, 2007 - comments {11} - post comment

Another Bunch of Pictures of People You Don't Know

So what do we poor snowless Texans do for fun? We slide down green grassy hills on flattened cardboard boxes!

Kate flew down the hill at astonshing speed and loved it! Though she did start out most of her rides like this...

Will at the bottom (Random fact -my kids very seldom wear socks. I know -lecture me about stinky feet...)

Maybe it was a little intense for Connor...

Brandon's turn!

Wipeout!

and another one...

Don't tell her obgyn I made her do it.

4:50 PM - Nov. 4, 2007 - comments {4} - post comment

Halloween Pictures!

Kate looking gorgeous in her Tinkerbell costume.

Her reaction to herself :)

Dylan's fierce Captain Hook -"Arg!"

Jen and Will as Wendy and Peter Pan

The pirate crew - Brandon, Connor, and Dylan

Laura did the most amazing job on Kate's hair and make up!!

Dylan gets a little sprinkling of pixie dust.

A group shot...and just for fun - who can guess Laura's Peter Pan themed costume which was so adorable but unrecognized by most??? (I would've known just what you were Laura, even if I hadn't been in on it.)

12:04 AM - Nov. 1, 2007 - comments {5} - post comment

In Which I Return To Blog Another Day

Has anyone noticed that Laura and I tend to overdue things? Well Halloween is no exception. This year is a ridiculously overblown production of Peter Pan with eight cast members and a dog that is sure to have people hurling candy at us in appreciation of our efforts. Will, my four year old personification of mischief, has the honor of being Peter Pan. We bought the very last Peter Pan costume at the Disney Store (and at 50% off thank you very much). Will wanted to drive over to Laura's to show her his costume and Tinkerbell in the making, Kate agreed. So our pint sized Captain Hook  Dylan, Kate, and Will had a mini dress rehearsal. Will wasn't too sure at first but Laura and I doted on him to such a ridiculous degree that he soon came around.

i announced it was time to change back into their clothes and go to Walmart. "Mom? Can't I wear this?" Will asked.

I shuddered, thinking of all those kids I see in Superman outfits at the grocery store.. "Nope. Put your clothes back on."

Will's eyes got unnaturally large. "He's only four Jen," Laura said. "And it's almost Halloween..."

I sighed. "Alright Will," I said. And so off we went to Walmart - Kate, Peter Pan, and I.

As we walked through the parking lot, as woman in a Mickey Mouse sweatshirt drove by. When she saw Will prancing through the parking lot her face lit up and she waved enthusiastically at him. He gasped. "She knows me!" he exclaimed in wonder, stopping dead in his tracks.

"Yep, she sure does," I told him.

With this revelation his whole demeanor changed. It was as if he was running for public office. "Hi, I'm Peter Pan! Peter Pan here, glad to meet you!" he greeted stranger after stranger, even striking that famous Peter Pan pose -hands on hips and legs spread out. He skipped to the check out here our cashier remarked in false dread, "Oh no Robin Hood! Please don't steal from me!" I looked over at Will. He looked like she had shot him. She realized her mistake. "You're not Robin Hood?" she asked apologetically.

"Nope," he said as he struck his pose and grinned. "I'm Peter Pan!" 

1:36 PM - Oct. 31, 2007 - comments {0} - post comment

Is This for Real??

If you see the dancer rotating clockwise you are right brained (creative). If you see her rotate counter clockwise, you are left brained (logical).

She's dancing clockwise for me and I don't see how it could look like she's going counter clockwise? But perhaps that's because I'm creative and not logical? Or maybe it's a hoax. Which way does she turn for you? If you can' see her on the blog, you can check it out here.

10:42 AM - Oct. 12, 2007 - comments {22} - post comment

Said Mrs. Pot to Brandon Kettle

As I have reviewed Brandon's homework over the last few weeks, I have noticed that most of the time he gets an answer wrong it's because he has rushed through and made a careless mistake. Like a good mother, I have pointed this out so many times that the cat could deliver my speech about it.

So I was not surprised when Brandon brought home a note from his teacher today about this very thing. I was however, shocked beyond belief when I read the letter. Please read slowly and carefully so you don't miss the irony.

"Mrs. Gresak,

Brandon please be careful when you are doing your assignments so that you do make careless mistakes. Please discuss this issue with Brandon so that he can improve. Thanks.

Mrs. Johnson"

So just to save my own sanity...

Dear Mrs. Johnson,

Is this letter intended for Brandon or for me? We were all a bit confused by your greeting.  Either way, I will most definitely continue to stress this issue with Brandon, but it may be difficult since he is obviously getting conflicting advice at school and at home. I am trying to prevent his careless mistakes and you are apparently encouraging him to make some more. It was so thoughtful of you to ask him to continue making careless mistakes on his assignments. I will sleep easier at night knowing you are molding him into a master of words and grammatical correctness.

Best Regards,

 Jen Gresak

9:39 PM - Oct. 11, 2007 - comments {2} - post comment

Shoe Shopping and a Run In With the Law

Confession: Will has no shoes. I have no idea what has become of them, but they have all vanished from the earth. I keep meaning to buy him new ones, but as little boys feet sometimes grow faster than money comes in, he has been wearing Connor's shoes for longer than I will admit. Today however, Connor's shoes were all missing too, save the pair he wore to school. And so, I resigned myself to the fact that today was the day that Will was getting shoes. Lucky Kate got to share in the spoils as well, since she only owns sandals and needed some cold weather shoes. (This is going on the assumption that  eventually cold weather will actually be coming to Texas - it's still up in the air at this point.)

Alright al you perfect mothers, I'm prepared to be lectured. I buy used shoes. There. I said it. I know that Parenting magazine did a scathing artilcle warning of the dangers of foot deformities and crazy bacterial infections lurking in used shoes. I refuse to live a life of fear and prefer to live a life of tightwadedness though, so I had planned to do our shoe shopping at the local kids resale store. I had to run by my place of employment first though, for some boring and unblogworthy business. My boss Janie remarked on the kids bare feet and smiled in that sweet and sympathetic way. She suggested I walk 30 feet to Payless since they were having their buy one get one half off sale (free plug for Payless there). I protested and announced my resale shop plans. She reminded me that it never hurt to look, and I conceded.

She looked at my kids' dirty, Huck Finn like feet. "You should go in there and tell them you found two barefooted kids on the street so they don't judge you."

We headed out the door and made it half way to Payless before being stopped by mall security. "Ma'am, I'm going to have to ask you to leave the mall." Will looked up at me with an "I swear I didn't do anything" expression. "You are in violation of the shoe wearing policy clearly printed on all doors."

Seriously...shoe wearing policy? I pointed at Payless. "We're on our way to buy some now."

She nodded, eyes narrowed,  considering our release. Luckily she doesn't know what Will is capable of and let us go with a stern "you better buy shoes" warning. I glanced over my shoulder to see Janie doubled over in hysterical laughter.

The man in Payless greeted us warmly. He measured Kate and Will's feet (sizes 8 and 13.5 respectively). We came, we saw, we conquered and left the store in triumph with two pairs of shoes and without  $24.97.

"Let's show Janie my new shoes!" Will squawked as he took off running back to my store. He spun around proudly and demonstrated how he could run faster in his new shoes. Kate twirled around in ballerina-ish pride and smiled sweetly. I complained about spending $24.97 on two pairs of shoes.

"Well, Jen...you didn't really have a choice. After all, you were stopped by the police!"

10:12 PM - Oct. 9, 2007 - comments {3} - post comment

Connor Makes His Case

"I know something no one else knows," Connor declared with authority today.

"Oh yeah?" I asked, not particularly shocked at this revelation, since Connor excels at knowing things no one else knows. 

"Butter comes from corn," my favorite six year old stated.

I smiled. "Doesn't it come from milk?" I asked innocently.

He shook his head. "No. People think it does, but I figured out it really comes from corn." Of course, I asked how he had arrived at this revelation. "Every time you see a picture of corn on the cob or there's corn on tv, there's butter on it and (as if further evidence was needed) our butter container has a picture of corn on it. " He paused for effect. "Corn! Not milk."

I have decided to start saving for his law school.

7:31 PM - Oct. 3, 2007 - comments {3} - post comment

Hot Dog -It's Open House!

 Tonight was open house at Connor's school. I looked over all the work he had prepared and arranged on his desk for my viewing pleasure. I met his friends in all their six year old glory. I talked to his teacher, expecting the usual platitudes about how he was "a joy to have in class" and knowing she would say something about his handwriting - (yes we're working on it. Really we are.) But I was unprepared to hear the first thing that came out of her mouth.

"Mrs. Gresak, are you aware that Connor brought eight hot dogs to school in his backpack this morning?"

My eyes grew wide and I shook my head in embarrassed disbelief. "No. No I wasn't," I choked out. I looked over at my second born, his blond hair sticking every which way and a mischievous twinkle in his eyes. I wanted to run over and hug him.

"Yes, he said you sent them with him for a snack. They weren't in any kind of package and some of them were a little...fuzzy from being in his backpack. But don't worry,  I made sure he washed them off before he ate them."  I smiled, glad Connor was in Ms. McKenzie's capable hands. She made the inevitable comments about his handwriting and remarked how bright Connor was and how fun he was to talk to. I only half listened, not able to take my eyes off my little boy as he marched proudly around the room, talking to his friends, stooping to show his toddling sister something he loved about his classroom.  And as he pointed out things he had made and experiences he had had with pride, I reflected in my mother's heart how proud I was to show off one of my greatest accomplishments -that smelly, dirty faced, sweaty little boy.

As his teacher moved on to another set of anxious parents, Connor ran over and slipped his little hand into mine. "Guess what?" he whispered.

I leaned down close. "What?" I asked, enchanted by his impish smile and excited by the promise of what he would tell me.

A grin spread over his freckled face as he proudly proclaimed, "I ate all eight of those hot dogs!"

10:43 PM - Oct. 2, 2007 - comments {4} - post comment

In Which Birthdays Abound

There have been a few birthdays of people we love in the last two weeks and all of them have succeeded in making me feel old. First two of my childhood friends each turned 30, which just threw in my face that my turn is fast approaching. Today my dad turned 58, which doesn't exactly seem old, but I remember with great clarity when my dad turned 33...so thinking that today he was 58 made me feel like my life was just flying by.

And then I recalled that my Cabbage Patch Kid, Celestia Kelly, shared a birthday with my dad. She is 21 today. I am old enough to have a Cabbage Patch Kid that is old enough to drink!

My dad is in far better condition than my old plush companion - which is as it should be. But fond, warm, fuzzy thoughts of both my Daddy and my dolly today. And I thought you were only supposed to feel older on your own birthday.

7:50 PM - Oct. 1, 2007 - comments {5} - post comment

Kate: The Queen of Stickiness

11:22 PM - Sep. 30, 2007 - comments {5} - post comment

It's the Nicest Thing I've Ever Been Accused Of

Many thanks to Angela and Kathy for bestowing the You Make Me Smile award on my little ole blog. 

Now comes the impossible task of passing it on. Honestly, you all make me smile or I wouldn't read your blogs. But I'll try to narrow it down.

The Incomparable TC at Fish in my Hair

The Amazing Carrie at Organized Chaos

The Brilliant Chris at The Underdog Blog

They not only make me smile, but inflict honest to goodness belly laughs with every entry.

11:53 AM - Sep. 25, 2007 - comments {5} - post comment

In Which Stereotypical Gender Roles Stay Firmly Intact at My House

This morning Kate occupied herself with a screw driver for half an hour. She went all over the house "fixing" things. Every now and then I told her what a good job she was doing and she would look at me over her shoulder and smile, then push a mess of blond hair out of her face and continue with her work.

Will came in to see what us girls were up to. "Look, Will!" she squealed. "I'm fixing things! I'm a man!"

I laughed. "Kate, girls can fix things just like boys can. You don't have to pretend to be a man fixing things.  Be Kate fixing things."

Will snorted and pointed out that both Bob the Builder and Handy Manny were boys. Kate looked contemplative. I tried to reinforce my contested position.

"Kate?" I began, "Can girls fix things?"

She paused, then slowly nodded.

"What can girls fix?" Will asked.

Kate beamed. "Dinner!"  she yelled as she  threw down the screwdriver and ran off to play with her kitchen.

9:52 AM - Sep. 24, 2007 - comments {4} - post comment

Hormonal Happenings Volume 2

A woman waddled into the store tonight, leaning on her mother, each step slow and seemingly painful. I hesitantly asked how she was doing. It was sort of a dumb question. The poor thing was enormously pregnant with twins and had outgrown every item of clothing she owned. She proceeded over the course of the next two hours to try on every item of clothing in the store in a desperate attempt to find something to carry her through those last few weeks. She didn't care if it was shorts or a cocktail dress - as long as it fit.

I kept a watchful eye over her dressing room, offering to change sizes every now and then. It became obvious that the amount of items in the room with her was becoming overwhelming. Clothes were piled on the bench and the floor, hung precariously from every available hook and bar, and tossed haphazardly over the door.  "Is there anything I can take out for you?" I asked. " Things you know aren't going to work for you?"

"Yes," she groaned. "Two babies!"

9:30 PM - Sep. 20, 2007 - comments {3} - post comment

In Honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day

Laura and I have become obsessed with all things pirate today in honor of Talk Like a Pirate Day which is shockingly upon us again. She sounds like a feared and dangerous pirate -Black Mary Flint of Hades Poison. I sound downright laughable as Red Jenny Kidd of The Awful Mermaid. Good thing she's my best friend or she would plunder me booty for sure.

This is obviously my ship, The Awful Mermaid, as Laura is embarrassed to be photographed on it. First Mate Kate is looking a bit sea sick, don't you think?

My dear Black Mary, I would gladly share my gold dubloons with you if I had any. As it is though, I will share mint chocolate chip ice cream sandwiches with you in just a few hours. Arg! 

9:42 AM - Sep. 19, 2007 - comments {2} - post comment

Will Almost Gets it Right

Kate, Will, and I set off bright and early this morning to run some errands. As we drove into the morning light, Will scrunched up his face dramatically.

"Jesus is in my eyes, Mama!" he exclaimed.

"What?" I asked.

"You know?" he explained. "The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost? And Jesus is the Sun?"

3:20 PM - Sep. 18, 2007 - comments {6} - post comment

Are Y*u Smart En*ugh T* Read Th*s?

M*st  *f the  *eft  s*de  *f  my  *eyb*ard  *s  n*t  w*r**ng. H**efu**y,  Eye  can  be  b**gg*ng  aga*n  s**n. Th*s w*u*d  actua**y  be  a  great  t*me  t*  **st  c*mments  *n  y*ur  b**gs!

10:29 PM - Sep. 17, 2007 - comments {1} - post comment

Hormonal Happenings vol. 1

Well you're a bunch of show offs aren't you! Your ideas for naming my blog entries about my job in a maternity store were all brilliant and clever. In fact the reason I have not blogged since Tuesday was that I couldn't pick one. In the end, Hormonal Happenings only won because it had two votes -lol. Good job! So let's kick off the first edition!

I was standing behind the register, bouncing a ball made of millions of rubber bands when the phone rang. (I swear all my work was caught up and working on my hand/eye coordination was really a worthwhile use of my time.)

A voice snapped at me from the other end of the line. "I am very pregnant and I am not leaving this house unless you have this pair of pants." She proceeded to describe them to me and told me she wanted a size large. I couldn't decide if I wanted to have them to help her out or to not have them because, frankly, she scared me. We had them and I offered to put them on hold. She sighed and seemed to want me to offer to personally deliver them to her house. "I'll be there when I get there," she whined into the phone.

An hour later an angry face atop a large belly walked into my store. I instinctively knew this was the Pants Lady. I smiled and greeted her pleasantly. She looked annoyed. "I just hope you know what you're doing and got the right pair of pants." I held them out anxiously, hoping she didn't notice my trembling hand. She nodded briskly in...could it be approval?

As she pulled out her wallet I asked, "Do you need to try these on?" (Let it be known -all sales are final.)

"No,' she spat out. "I tried them on at another location already and then when I went to buy them the cashier bled on them!" She waved her hand wildly in the air. "She cut her stupid hand and didn't take care of it and bled all over my pants! I wanted to strangle her!"

New plan - Become Super Checker and get this woman out of here as quickly as humanly possible.  I started to ring her out. Suddenly she gasped and looked at me with loathing and malice. Her finger went up in the air and came down dramatically onto the sticker on the leg of the pants on which was clearly printed "X-Large". My heart began to race and cold droplets of sweat broke out on my forehead. I caught myself actually taking a step back, sure that she was gong to hurl her very pregnant self over the counter and kill me. I frantically grabbed the pants and pulled them open to reveal that the tag was labeled a large and the sticker was mistakenly and regrettably wrong. She visibly relaxed. I stepped back to the register and chuckled nervously. "Wow, for a minute there, I thought you were going to strangle me," I joked.

She smiled. "Oh no! I'm nice today." I uttered a silent prayer for her husband.

8:35 AM - Sep. 16, 2007 - comments {6} - post comment

In Which My Creativity is Spent

I'm going to totally rip off a blog pal's great idea if it's alright with everyone. Carrie over at Organized Chaos has an amazing regular feature called Letters From Your Friendly Cashier that never ceases to make me laugh uncontrollably. In the two short weeks I've been working I've met some interesting people to say the very least and I figure my adventures there are deserving of being written about regularly.

But I need a catchy title for it and my brain isn't up to the task. I used every last bit of my remaining creativity on TC's Bad Poetry Contest earlier this month. So I am going to delegate. I work in a maternity store, so I'm surrounded almost exclusively by pregnant women. Are you feeling clever today? Name my new blog  feature!

11:45 PM - Sep. 11, 2007 - comments {5} - post comment

In Which Brandon Stumps Us All

My children always have big plans for their meager allowances. Brandon in particular, usually thinks his monthly $10 will buy much more than is actually possible. Tonight he rattled off a list of items he wanted to purchase in the coming week. His younger but wiser brother Connor rolled his eyes.

"Money doesn't grow on trees," he pointed out practically. I smiled, wondering where he had picked up that expression and inwardly prayed that I had never actually uttered that sentence out loud -because it would make me old I think.

Brandon pushed his glasses up onto his nose. "Yes it does Connor," he retorted.

Connor snorted and looked superior. "Does not!" How very six year oldish of him.

"Connor," Brandon began patiently. "What is money made of?"

"Paper," Connor stated matter of factly.

Brandon nodded. "And where does paper come from?"

Connor gasped. "From TREES!"

Brandon nodded. "See?" he said in a whisper. "Mom and Dad have been lying to us about that all this time!"

10:18 PM - Sep. 8, 2007 - comments {4} - post comment

Fine Jewelry