Joyful in Hope

I am inspired. On Thursday when taking my daughter to her ”special education” preschool class I met an amazing woman. She is a sub in the class who I have seen a few times this year but with whom I have never talked much. She told me she had ”one like that” meaning an 11 year old granddaughter with special needs that reminded her of Phoebe. Her granddaughter had encephalitis as a baby, was left severely brain-damaged, but has accomplished more than doctors ever thought she would. We discussed our little blessings and she gave me encouragement and practical advice. She sounded like she spends a lot of time caring for her granddaughter and understands the unique challenges her life includes. What impresses me is that she CHOOSES to give her time to Phoebe’s preschool class filled with kids like her granddaughter, knowing fully the struggles, tantrums, and messes that are involved and the patience that is required of her. It is a testimony to me that others do believe children with special needs are blessings and would choose to love them and help them learn and develop. She is not worn out or discouraged from caring for her granddaughter, but instead she seeks to be around other little ones just like her!!

Wow – it really encourages me as I often feel as if I am asking too much for someone else to care for Phoebe.

I will update more soon on her development. She learned a couple new things last week – how to spin when we give the verbal directive and to push the balls in her ball pounder toy. You should’ve seen how excited we all were!! It is so precious to see how her siblings are involved in her life – even the 1 year old. We are so thankful for how her grandparents and our friends have also done so much to help her and love her. I know the Lord is working all things out in her life and our family for His glory.

Well, she did it!  Phoebe conquered mobility on 2 feet!  She is still just taking baby steps, but it is a start!  A glorious, beautiful, joyful start for her to explore her world upright on 2 feet! 

I prepared a little slideshow to highlight her milestones and so many of the people who have impacted our lives the past few years.  In making this video, several things became apparant to me that had not sunken in before. 

1.  God’s timing is perfect and I need to always trust in His ways, albeit sometimes mysterious and confusing.

2.  Phoebe is so blessed to have a brother and two sisters who LOVE her dearly.  Andrew and Esther have been through it all with us.  They have grown so much by having a sister like Phoebe.  God knew who we needed in our family and timed their arrival perfectly.  We wanted a 4th child but I doubted my ability to "handle" everything.  Seeing how Eden (almost 1 now) has motivated, entertained and encouraged Phoebe’s development makes me see how small my faith is.  Of course I could not handle it, but God could!  He’s equipped me with the ability and support to carry out His will in loving and caring for my family. 

3.  Hope BIG because we have a BIG God who can do more than we can ask or imagine!

4.  For a while I got stuck in thinking about what life would be like with a child without special needs or what Phoebe would be like without her "mystery" condition?  By prayer and God’s grace, I now know this life is so much fuller and meaningful to care for one of God’s children with extraordinary needs.  After all, don’t all kids have special needs?  They’re all unique and special to God.  I’ve seen such differences in our 4 children.  I try to make that apparant to our children and not single her out in a different way.  We identify the needs of  others and seek to give all we can to carry on God’ will in meeting them.

5.  Prayer is so powerful and God hears our prayers – on the best of days and the darkest.

6.  Navigating a new path in life that was unexpected, unplanned and unknown has been difficult for me.  I was a math major in college, but solving for the unknown is not fun in life sometimes.  I am so thankful God gave me a husband who knows how to take away the heaviness of perceived burdens, bring energy and laughter into our home and  give so much joy to his children.  Greg has been my rock!  While Satan would love nothing more than to use the stresses that we’ve faced over the past few years to tear apart our family, we are so thankful we are stronger now because of our circumstances.  Praise the Lord – without Him it would’ve been impossible.

The video is about 10 minutes – enjoy! 

http://www.onetruemedia.com/shared?p=962481d8120a1aca0665b1&skin_id=601

Our oldest daughter turned five last month!  I can’t believe she’s only five?.  I knew from her first days of life that she was a spunky one, and she has not disappointed.  On the days I CAN keep up with her, she makes me laugh so much!  On the other days, I just scratch my head wondering how so much PASSION for life could be bottled up in one girl!  Those who know her well know she is truly ONE-OF-A-KIND.  She reminds me so much of the horse in the movie, Spirit.  She was born with the wings to fly and I cannot wait to watch her soar to great heights!!

Why God Made Little Girls

So God made little girls
With laughing eyes and bouncing curls,
With joyful hearts and infectious smiles,
Enchanting ways and feminine wiles.
And when He’d completed the task He’d begun.
He was pleased and proud of the job He’d done.
For the world, when seen through little girl’s eyes
Greatly resembled Paradise.

Our little busy missy at 9 months

Essie at 18 months

What a girl – shows we females were born to multitask!  (btw-the curling iron is not plugged in)

This was our bedtime conversation tonight (this takes me back to a post I wrote about how even though moms sweat blood and tears for her kids, it’s Daddy who usually takes top prize):

Me:  Andrew, did you know God created all of us with a desire to love something more than anything else?

Andrew: Yes, and mine is Daddy.

Me:  What do you think God wants it to be?

Andrew:  Him.  But Daddy is second.

Me:  (just to see what he’d say) So where do I fall in line?

Andrew:  First-God, Second-Daddy, Third-Mommy, Fourth-Legos

Me: (a little sarcastically)  Well, I’m glad I fall above Legos

Andrew: You’re only one above.

Well, I guess that says it – I’m just one place above Legos in his heart!

I think this gal may move ahead of me soon since she is totally smitten with her big brother!  Laughs at anything he says!  Even trying to help him with his math!

Giving thanks for my four precious blessings and that Greg will join us for Thanksgiving tomorrow before returning to SOS for 2 more weeks. 

I think I know now what it feels like to be stuck in the spin cycle of a washing machine.  Our lives are spinning so fast, it’s making me dizzy.  It’s making me feel like this:

And this:

And especially this:

Without the intervention of a couple dear friends, I think I may have ended up like this today……

….which would’ve been bad since 4 little lives depend on me for their survial.  Greg has been gone for 10 days now at Squadron Officer’s School at Maxwell AFB in AL & he’s not the only one learning alot right now!  Besides only one other time I can think of, holding down the fort here alone has to be the toughest challenge I have ever faced in my short life!  We are not to make for ourselves a paradise here on earth so I realize life isn’t always going to be easy.  Easy is not what I should strive for.  But sometimes I do.  And then I begin to feel like I’m being cheated or underserving of my trials.  I want all the t’s to be croseed and the i’s dotted and everyone’s hair to look perfect and socks to match and a gourmet meal to sit around every night as we discuss how much we love each other and all the toys to be in their correct bins and no more messy bibs or sticky Pediasure or Phoebe screeching or running late.   All these examples are petty because I don’t have the time now to delve into the real ones.  Actually, challenges always bring me closer to the Lord in realizing that I am weak and incapable of accomplishing His will in my own strength.  It’s true – I am not deserving of my life – I deserve far worse.  But God in his mercy chose to give me an inheritance worth far more than gold and rubies.  If you feel led to pray, please pray that I grow in understanding of this good news.    

I am looking forward more than ever to a visit  rescue from my mom tomorrow and next week will begin to re-evaluate my priorities and expectations to enable sanity preservation until Dec 12 when Greg returns.  In the mean time, here is a sampling of our lives from the past month.   

Sisterly love – our little Eden has been a blessing to us all!!

Phoebe is walking with a walker now!  Her preschool has been so good for her!!  We are still awaiting results from her sleep study and genetic testing.  Very anxious to hear the results!  I realized why living without a diagnosis has been tough for me – because I don’t have any standard to "compare" to execept a typical child. Maybe she is doing amazingly well for her condition, but we don’t have the luxury of knowing that.  How many times do you think "She learned to read and she was only four – wow" or "He learned to walk at 9 months – can you believe that?"  I realized recently how often I make these comparisions in my mind to validate my job as a parent/teacher.  And how often I have felt defeated for Phoebe’s delays, impairments, sensory dysfunction in wondering if she could do more if only I……(spent more time with her, found better therapists, bought more resources).   I have no silver lining here – just a confession that I’m still working through this and it’s a hurdle. 

I don’t know which makes me smile more – Brady (outfitted by Greg) or Phoebe hugging him?

Eden – 8 months old

Heading out to our soccer games with DD and Poppa in October. 

The day Greg left for SOS.  I hold his picture up to her every night and she "kisses" it.  It’s amazing the way she shows emotion and love.  She loves her Daddy!! 

 Wanted to make you smile!  It sure makes me smile!