I find disciplining children one of the great challenges in life. It is something that demands consistency even when one is tired of it all. But my love for God's word and my desire to please God keeps me going with it as He has intrusted to me the training of my children. And when I feel at a loss to know how to handle a situation I know God will provide quidance.
Books I've enjoyed on child training are :
To Train up a Child by Micheal Pearl
Shepherding a Child's Heart by Tedd Trip
Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit by Teri Maxwell
Proverbs for Parenting
The Five Love Languages of children by Gary Chapman
The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens by Sean Covey
I'm sure there are more books I've read but that's a start.
Other things that I've learned from trial and error are:
1. Teach- don't scold!!!!
This was a hard one for me, I had a tendency to scold the child for doing everything wrong or not listening or not following directions correctly when what the child needed was some training or teaching in what I expected and some discipline to reinforce it.
2. Give plenty of Praise.
A child will not be perfect so don't expect it. Even when you must bring up the negative to correct a bad attitude or behavior find something to praise them for so they will be much more willing to listen if they know they can do some things right.
3. Don't forget to hug.
This seems so obvious but for those of us that are not touchy type people we have to remind ourselves to do this. A child will respond much better to advice given with a hug.
4. When you offer advice, don't accuse.
This is something I've just recently learned by watching how adults react to advice. If you are not critizing but being constuctive with your advice not judgemental just showing what you see it is better recieved. What you want is for your child to listen and hear you. If they get defensive right at the start then they probably won't hear a word you say. So don't come at them with an accussing attitude.
5. consistency in all disipline!
Consistency is hard when your day is long and your tired. But it is so important and watching my daughters horse instructor really reminded me of this. My daughters horse was with serveral other horses and so when she'd take it away to 4-H it would throw a fit. ( this is called herd bound) Her horse wouldn't listen and was being a total pain. Mandy who adores her horses and has a tendency to spoil them would get so frustrated trying to be as nice as she could and yet get the desired result she wanted from her horse. Finally her instructor had her get off and she took over she disciplined that horse making it redo every wrong move over and over and over again until the horse gave in and submitted. Then she told Mandy. You cannot let her get away with anything you must correct her every time. How like children are in this matter. Sometimes we must discipline a child for the same thing over and over but we must not give in until they submit. Mandy's instructor stayed and worked with Mandy's horse in the pouring rain after everyone else was gone home she was going to make sure her horse knew who was the boss.
I've also seen this same instructor help load a horse that was refusing to get in the trailor. They worked and worked and the horse rared and kicked and bucked and they kept on trying. Finally they got the horse into the trailor and everyone gave a sigh of relief then to our horror the instructor brought the horse back out and said he must do it again and do it right! She worked with that horse making him go in the trailor and back out over and over again until he did it without resistence. If we could only be so consistent with our children in discipline making them do something over and over until they did it right then we wouldn't have to fight with them every time they went to do it.
Another lesson I learned from watching this instructor was when we were trying to help another 4-H member get her horse to take a bit. The horse was really fighting it. This instructor came over she knew this horse, it was old and should know better than to behave this way, and she hauled off and kicked it, reprimanding it at the same time, the horse immediately took the bit. He's just trying to get away with something she said. You got to let him know you mean business. My husband looked over and saw the stricken look on the little girls face after she had kicked her horse and he went and put his arm around her and said, "you didn't like that did you?" she nodded her head no, "well, you will learn that Renea (not real name) knows what she is doing, that horse barely felt that kick but he did know he needed to listen after that." She nodded smiling and everything was ok. Sometimes children too need something more than coaxing to get their attention , sometimes the rod is necessary.
And now I can't help bragging on my beautiful daughter as she sang her solo and duet with her dad for her recital they did an awesome job.
Mandy sang completely for her solo the words are below;
1. The secret of life, is letting go
The secret of love, is letting it show
In all that I do, and all that I say, right here in this moment
2. The power of prayer, is in a humble cry
The power of change, is in giving my life,
And laying it down, down at your feet, right here in this moment
chorus-- Take my life, take my soul, I surrender everything to your control. and let all that is within me, lift up to you and say,l am yours and yours alone, completely!
3. This journey of life, is a quest for truth,
this journey of faith, is following you,
Every step of the way, through the joy and the pain, right here in this moment.
And the duet they sang was The road home by Brad Paisley. That's why the've got their cowboy hats on.
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