My Journey Toward A Trusting Heart

Courage, or whatever...

Today is not a good day. And it has nothing to do with homeschooling. At least not directly. We have taken an easy-entry this week, with only a few 'school'ish' things...mostly the boys are still playing w/ friends. I'm happy to report that I do feel I have a solid plan in place, and that I at least know where I'm going. That's a far-cry from where I was earlier this year...

The truth is, I'm just flat tired. I'm having severe "Mommy Fatigue" today...I'm weary of the whining, the needing, the demands, the messes, the dirt, the dishes, the meals, the laundry, the whining, the needing, the demands...Oh, did I already go there???

The thing I've suddenly come to resent about reading some blogs, or even articles, is that I rarely find anything but conviction. Or at least GUILT for not having it all together. For not being confident. Or organized. Or energetic. Or not putting my kids' needs first. (yeah, right), or not making a cup of tea and finding a quiet spot to reflect ( I don't even like tea)...I guess TODAY I feel I only come up WAY short of where other mothers are in their lives.

I read about the surface'y struggles, but rarely the dark ones. Like the one I'm having today. Like I want to just pack a suitcase and not look back. At least for a couple of days. And that's just not in the cards.

So, when you can't leave, what do you do?

There are few 'self' moments. Tho I admit to being wide awake at 4am the past few mornings...tossing and turning, thinking about everything and nothing...those are 'self' moments, I guess. Why can't I seem to relish that? Maybe because I didn't really 'choose' that moment to have to myself. But MAYBE that's all I'm gonna get, so I'd best figure out how to enjoy it.

Seems I can't even really pray about this...or at least verbalize to the Lord what I'm thinking. Of course I know He knows, but we all know its good to be able to 'get it out' now and then. But I can't even seem to do that. All I want to do today is cry. And there's really no place to go to do that by myself. And the other thing is, there's nothing really "wrong" -- its not like I can pinpoint a direct cause of this anxiety. I think there ARE several things on my mind that are stressful, but I'm not even sure that those, collectively, are a problem. They will work themselves out. So, I can't really say what this is all about. Except that I'm pooped.

You'd think I'd be sick of my own whining, wouldn't you? And what's really funny, as I sit and expound on my lot in life, I'm pretty sure no one will read this. And maybe that's not even important. Its not as if I want to call all my friends and complain to them...I can't think of many who really want to hear it. They have enough problems of their own...and really, this is not a 'problem'. I know its probably hormones (boy I wish I could just get through the change and be done with it), but it is still a suffocating or drowning feeling. And if I did talk to a friend about it, what would I say? And what could she say that I don't already know? "this too shall pass"...

Still, I'd love a break away from it all. But I know that's neither reasonable nor practical. Even thinking about a few hours away from home, which Mark would accomodate...where would I go? Considering all I want to do is cry. that'd be pretty dumb to go to the mall and sit somewhere bawling. Or to the bookstore, or waltzing around Wal-Mart...there is no where to go to hide.   However, I am writing this as the boys are outside playing w/ the neighbor kids...Mark is working in the yard...so I AM having a few quiet moments. Until they want popsicles.

I thought writing this all down might help. I'm pretty sure it hasn't, but there it is anyway.

Hopefully tomorrow will be better.

Encouragement

if you get time, please take a few moments to visit my friends' blog, www.adventureellis.blogspot.com

Jim and Pam Ellis are wonderful people who are going through a storm right now...Jim was recently diagnosed with colon cancer. He has under-gone surgery to remove a section of the colon; cancer was found in 2 of 9 lymphnodes...he will begin chemo in the next few days.

You will not find any whining in Jim and Pam's reports...quite the contrary. They are full of faith and praise to God for his CONTINUING goodness.

Last year, Pam was diagnosed with uterine cancer...she is cancer-free today! In one of Jim's emails back then, he pulled a line from "Narnia" that has really lodged in my heart...Lucy asks Mr. Beaver, about Aslan, "Is he safe?" Mr. Beaver replies, "Oh no he's not safe! But he IS good!"

Serving God certainly does not guarantee 'safety' from  trials and 'storms' -- but It certainly does guarantee that He will walk with us through all of it. "Sometimes he calms the storm, but sometimes he calms the child."

Right now, Jim and Pam are calm in the midst of this storm. They are an inspiration to everyone who knows them...and we are praying for complete recovery and total healing...but also for God's PEACE to reign in their hearts as they walk this uncertain pathway.

Read their blog....it'll encourage you in whatever you are facing today!

Love to all...K.

Its a new day...

1 Peter 5: 6-11 NIV

  "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.  Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings.   And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast.    To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

A friend of Mark's recently read this passage in his devotions, and told Mark he immediately applied this verse to us, and began to pray for us in this way. In many ways, it is a confirmation of some things the Lord Himself had spoken to US in recent days, affirming (once again) that we are on the right track in our faith walk.

First, Mark and I agreed that we would put aside any 'distractions' (i.e., 'the prowling, roaring lion who would devour us)...those distractions are anything and ANYONE who would drag our hearts away from our focus on being in God's perfect will...dragging our hearts away toward doubt and worry...anyone who would just want to 'talk' all this out, rather than remaining prayerful and encouraging. Don't get me wrong, talking is GOOD, but its not enough. We don't need therapy right now -- we need increasing faith. We need wisdom regarding which doors to knock on, and which ones to avoid. We choose to surround ourselves with friends and environments that encourage and motivate....rather than depress.

And believe me, there are some people in my world who do just that. I have not put away those friendships entirely, but for this stage in my life, I don't need the 'distraction'. Mark has done the same.

We don't know any more this week than we knew last, but we are still full of faith and hope that there are great things ahead.

We've observed some that seem shocked that we seem so calm! I have a hard time understanding all that. Its almost as if they wish we WERE worried! One friend seems to have this pitying tone when we talk....and honestly, there is nothing pitiful about any of this. We are healthy, secure, and hopeful. And we have plenty of food in the pantry and fridge. We don't anticipate losing any weight because of all this (that's unfortunate, I know....to be forced to eat less!)

Anyway, we are hopeful. We will not be without work for forever. The Lord will provide.  The Word says, "I have never seen the righteous forsaken, nor his seed begging for bread." I don't expect we'll need to beg for anythng. God's hand is open and generous, and He will provide all we need.

If you are full of faith and encouragment, I welcome your 'apples of gold' into our life. We are hiding many things in our hearts, and fully expect to have a great testimony of God's goodness very shortly.

Continue to pray for my patience w/ school w/ Colton. Today seems to be an especially challenging day for him....many distractions, but I'm working hard at keeping an even temper, giving him all the time he wants to take (aka, 'waste') goofing off, but determined to accomplish what's on my schedule for today. We need the gift of ORDER and ORGANIZATION so we can stay focused.

Praying He will enlarge our territory!

Kim and Crew

FREE Stuff

Well, a few things have happened since I wrote last week...amazing how things can change in a couple days...

Last Friday, March 28, Mark was 'let go' from the company he's worked for only 7 mos. We were not shocked nor were we surprised...its something we had a feeling could come down the pike anytime. We just never realized 'anytime' would be NOW.

We are calm and at peace...we know the Lord gives and the Lord takes away -- and we will trust Him.

So, about the FREE STUFF...Saturday morning, I was awake early and redeemed the time in my favorite rocking chair, praying...I told the Lord that if I was concerned about anything, it was our health insurance.

Colton's hemophilia is a complicated thing, and it is VERY expensive to manage. Good insurance coverage is CRITICAL to our family. OF COURSE we know God is our source, but we also know there are good policies and bad ones. We'd prefer the former...

So, I just prayed He would just work it all out.

Well, come to find out, Mark gets this ax-call on Friday night at 6pm; we learn today that our insurance is done TODAY. Hardly fair or reasonable...so he is appealing to their sense of good-will, asking them to keep us covered for April.

Anyway, TODAY in my prayer time I felt compelled to pray for FREE STUFF. You know...like free pizza, haircuts, groceries, whatever...just freebies from here and there. I didn't put a $ amount on it, but left that part to the Lord...

Because the factor for Colton is soooooooooooooooooo expensive (about $800 per dose! -- and we order 4-6 wks at a time...all covered by insurance.

Well with the startling news that our insurance was done today, Mark put in a call to our liason at Rush University med center in Chicago, to see if there was a chance we could get in another factor/supplies order today; he told Heather about our 'situation'...she felt we could get another order placed w/ no problem.

Mark got a call a while later from another Doctor, connected to Rush, and long story short...they are providing 4 months of factor for NOTHING!! This is about the biggest FREEBIE I could have ever prayed in..and it never even crossed my mind!   (they will take whatever the insurance will pay..with no cost to us regardless).

GOD IS GOOD...and we are in His care, every minute, for every THING...pizza or factor!

We do not know what the future holds...we will simply trust all that to God, but we truly feel blessed. We feel anticipation for good things, and maybe even the best yet!

Keep your eyes on my blog...Mark has made many calls today to friends across the country, in a variety of fields. He's trying to keep connected to others who may just hold the map to what's next. You just never know!

We are blessed...and I know there are great days ahead!

A couple other things...

I failed to remark about Kate's debut as Marian in "The Music Man" a couple weeks ago...she was PHENOMENAL! We were sooooooooooooooooooo proud of her. She aced the role and totally nailed all the songs...and kept her composure even when her mic was totally OFF. The battery fell out during a frantic costume change...no one knew it until she was on stage, with NO SOUND, singing alongside the Barbershop Quartet...so the saavy sound guy turned off the quartet mics, and turned UP the stage mics..and it went on. Kate never showed any signs of being flustered (very professional!) and the second she realized she was off, she just sang and spoke louder!

She was a pro, indeed...she's got her sights set on next year, HER SENIOR YEAR! Yikes!!

Her choir director, Danielle Mullen, is just an absolute doll. I'd think that even if she didn't think Kate was so great...but she has truly been an encouragment to Kate in every way. Katie knows a blessing when she sees one -- at least she will eventually! LOL

We had a productive day w/ school yesterday...layed low on the math...which brings me to wanting to give thanks to a couple friends out there, Phyllis Sather and Michelle Adamson. These two veteran-homeschooling moms came into my life through TOS -- when I was working with Julie Nott and Angela Quigley in the Mktg dept, I 'met' Phyllis and Michelle through two different portals...BUT, both have been an incredible blessing to me.

Please visit Phyllis at her website: www.-Phyllis-Sather.com  She is full of wisdom and many years of experience. She has more than once set me BACK on the right track and I will be forever grateful.

Michelle does not have a website (tho she ought to!), but has also been a source of great ideas and encouragment to me. Both these gals are godly mothers and I know have contributed to helping keep me on this path...reminding me that it can be done, and ESPECIALLY when the Lord calls you to it.

Anyway, I do have both of them to thank for giving me hope and peace in my recent struggle. Great ideas and suggestions...thing is, its hard to decide where to start!! There are so many great things...

So, I just wanted to mention them today.

Its a gray day in Indiana (surprise! ha!) but we'll have a good day -- and I wish you one, too!

Out like a lion?

I cannot remember how March started...so I don't know if we're looking at a March exit like a lion or a lamb? Can anyone jog my memory?

 We are on a warpath with school...well, let me re-phrase this....

 As you know, if you read my last entry, I have struggled in the past weeks with wondering what in the world I am doing...not questioning homeschooling, REALLY. But rather questioning my own ability to pull this off. Trying to find my grounding for what 'style' really will work for me and for Colton (and as we go along, Connor).

 I told a friend recently that I've been intrigued with the "unschooling" method of 'school' -- tho I am not sure I can really turn loose of all control where my guys are concerned. Child-led education has its merit, to be sure, but to let my boys just have at it for a day or week or month...uh, no.

 Those unschoolers I've read about DO seem to have some control over their households...do not misunderstand. I'm not suggesting that all hell breaks loose and that there is NO control, no boundaries, and NO discipline in these homes. Quite the contrary. (tho I'm sure there ARE those out there in which the inmates are running the asylum!)...but I do see a pattern of RELAXATION about these people. Something I've not possessed with this homeschooling gig. I envy that, and want to find that and OWN it for myself and my methods of imparting wisdom and knowledge to my boys.

 Because I loved school as a child -- loved the classroom (sights, sounds, smells), loved the interaction w/ people, loved the routines (as time-wasting as they were!), its been really hard for me not to make our school time a miniature version of that. I've known all along that Colton is NOT a book'ish sort of kid. But bookwork we have done. By the truckload.  I believe that EVENTUALLY I will wean MYSELF away from that -- but for now, we're still in the books for some things....BUT, I am learning new ways of teaching old tricks. Away from a table and workbooks.   It might take a while, but I'm getting there.

 Learning to really allow Colton to lead ME, THAT has been a challenge. I feel that we've not 'done school' if we do not have book time. Not so. I am looking for those 'teachable moments' -- no less than I did when all the kids were really little...but with a twist. It is challenging, but fun, too.

 I have serious doubts that if Colton were in public school, I'd have heard this the other day: Colton said, "Connor, I really love you. And let me tell you something: I am never, never, never, never, ever going to leave this house and go to college. I'm going to stay here with you forever ." How precious is that?? I hav a sneaking suspicion that Colton would become 'too cool' for his little brother. And we can't have that, now can we? Again, I reiterate what I said in my last entry -- they are great buddies, and I want to preserve that and encourage that for the rest of their beautiful lives.

 So, Mommy is learning and growing and becoming better. At many things, I think.

 and I know this will make some of you laugh right outloud -- tho those of you who know me well will get it -- "Its amazing what can happen with a little planning!" LAUGH OUT LOUD!!

 I am NOT a planner. I do not know how to plan in the morning for what will be for dinner in the evening. I do not know how to plan what I'll be wearing for church on Sunday (tho now-a-days this is less an issue that it was just a few years ago, considering how casual things have become)...don't get me wrong -- my life is not a total chaotic mess. I do keep my house 'mostly' clean (refuse to allow my kitchen to be messy!), like to have the laundry caught up, hate dust bunnies and visible dust on the furniture...so all is not lost. BUT, I have been very VERY poor at planning our school time. Or at least having any goals.

 I've often failed so many of my own goals that i've been almost afraid to set any for school. And that, I am coming to realize, has contributed SIGNIFICANTLY to my frustrations. Honestly, I have started most days with, "what shall we do today?" No plan, no goal, no nothing.

 I'm catching on that this is not really a viable option if I want to feel successful, or at least that we've accomplished anything. I cannot be extremely rigid about this -- it is not my personality -- but I must say that I'm getting better at at least STARTING toward being more organized in getting all things together.

 For example, I took some time to actually chart out where I wanted Colton to be with our work in "Explode the Code"...we've been PRETTY focused on our efforts with that, but only day-by-day. Well, I'll have you know that I've already scheduled out INTO MAY where our lessons will be. My GOAL (how do you like that???) is to complete two lessons per week, one lesson over two days, with Friday 'off' that and doing some other language/phonics-related activity. We do read every day, but this will be a different thing altogether. Right now, I have an idea, but I can only do one thing at a time -- ! lol   Long run, I plan to be through Book 6 by the end of the summer. Yes, this means doing some work through the summer, but its not hard and we can do it.   I am encouraging him to READ, believing that when he can read, he can learn just about anything!

 SO, right now, he's independently working on the 2nd half of lesson 8 in Code Book 2; he knows the format and routine of the book so I set him to work (while I am doing this) (oh, and I might add that he's actually sitting BEHIND a chair in our schoolroom/office/craft room, eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch out of the box, and drinking chocolate milk!, and doing his workbook pages. Only 5 of them today. He's made a little 'fort' back there -- pillows, etc...) He's working, with a little prompting from me to stay focused or he'll have to come out...dread!

 So, as I relax, its all much better. I do have some concerns about his math stuff...we are still working on single digit addition...forget adding 2-digits to one digits... that is frustrating for me, as I believe he should be catching on a little faster. But I'm looking for alternative ways to teach this....its just taking a little time. Lots of prayer, and lots of questions to my homeschooling-veteran friends (THANK YOU!)...but in time, AND THERE "IS" TIME! -- he'll get it. He's smart.

 So, I continue to improve. I hope you can 'hear' that in the tone of this entry. I am encouraged -- tho there are 'days' when I'd like to just give up (I hear everyone has those!)...but all in all, the Faithful Lord has continued to send me encouragment in various forms -- articles, notes from friends, etc...and we're going to make it.

 I love seeing my boys memorize the Word, a new verse every week...and I love being able to incorporate God's truth into everything we do. He is a God of order and there's a system to every subject -- straight out of the Lord's own hand!

 So, having said all that, I'll close for now. If you are reading this, know you are being prayed for. I pray that everyone who reads this will see themselves in what I've shared, and know that there IS hope for all of us. Our kids will not fall apart...God is faithful and will perfect what HE has begun. We just have to cooperate! I'm working on it!!

 Ps. 121  "I look up toward the mountains. Where can I find help? My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth. He will not let you fall. Your guardian will not fall asleep. Indeed, the Guardian of Israel never rests or sleeps. The Lord is the your Guardian. The Lord is the shade over your right hand. The sun will not beat down on your during the day nor will the moon at night. The Lord guards you from every evil. He guards your life. The Lord guards you as you come and go, now and forever."

 I'm counting on that!

Happy New Year, Happy Valentine's Day, Happy St. Patrick's Day, Happy Easter

....thought I'd better get all those in since I have been AWOL for such a long time.

Let's see...how much water has passed under the bridge? Quite a bit. But where to start, and what matters?

Mark and the boys and I were in FL for two weeks, end of Jan-early Feb. Kate held the fort here and did great. She even gave us 'permission' to stay the second week! She was busy with work and musical rehearsals and church and her social life...she did very well. And we had a great time....of course we've all been sick pretty much since we got home, like the rest of the country.

We're starting to round the corner, finally, I think. Mark is still croupy, but promises to get something 'real' for it by tomorrow if he doesn't see a bit of improvement today with the OTC stuff he's been taking. We'll see.

The biggest news is that our Kate is the Leading Lady in "The Music Man" at her High School!! She will play "Marian" in this great story! We could not be more proud of her. If you're in the neighborhood, the play will be performed each evening, March 13-14-15, 7pm.   She's loving every minute of it, and we can't wait to see it! Unbeknownst to her, some of our family is coming out from KC, including Krissi! That'll be a ball!   She is still working at Target and singing at Genesis Church now and then, as well as at the "North Beach" youth ministry at Northview Church. And of course we're talking about her plans for after graduation, next year! Oh my!! Hard to believe we are on that threshhold.   God has great things in store for Kate and we're so anxious to watch it all unfold!

Mark is working hard finishing our basement. He's had a little help with some of the more complicated angles of plumbing and electrical and framing (that mostly because of time), but otherwise will be doing most of the work himself. He is a perfectionist, so I know it'll be nearly perfect. And we're excited. We love to entertain and this will give us a little more space for that. We're putting in a projection TV so we'll have a little 'theatre' there, and we were given a pool table ("With a capital 't' and that rhymes with 'p' and that stands for 'pool'!" -- could not resist that little ditty from The Music Man!)...there will also be a full bath, and a wetbar (with sink and fridge). Should be a cool place to hang out.      Then when the weather warms up, Mark will move outside and begin working on the landscaping. We're hoping to get our patio extended (depends on budget), and do some dramatic plantings and lighting. Then we'll enjoy outdoor entertaining all summer long!

Colton is doing well in first grade. Mommy has had some serious doubts about HER ability, and even if Colton would be better off in ps. But the Holy Spirit has done His incredible work...He has soothed my doubts and fears, re-confirmed my conviction to homeschool, and is working in me daily. My prayer is for all the skills needed to make this work. To ease our frustrations and to give me creativity and organiztion to make our time together profitable. It will not be perfect, but there is room for reasonable improvement and I'm asking for it.

This morning in my prayer time, I said, "Lord what do I need to do to get this in my life?" I'm sure He said, "Just ask me!" Well, I'm asking!!

So if you've ever wondered how you can pray for me -- Creativity, Time Mgmt, organiztion, patience, energy, wisdom, GRACE (for myself as much as for anyone!)...and whatever else it takes to make this a success.

Its been really incredible how the Lord has brought things across my heart in the last few days. I've truly been struggling with this (not for the first time), thinking Colton was missing out on so much. But I made time to sit down with TOS (which I haven't done in too long!), and believe it or not, there were probably 5 articles that hit me right where I needed it -- both in my head and my heart. Reconfirming what I believed 6 years ago -- that homeschooling was the way to go. I knew it then, but I have allowed the enemy to confuse me and discourage me. I've allowed myself to become an island. Not because I didn't think I needed help, but just because I have been too lazy to take advantage of the help available to me -- both in the written word, websites and local connections w/ other hs families.

My boys are not hurting for interaction -- we are at church weekly, they have playmates right here on our street, and we're out and about several times a week...not to mention that we actually TALK to our kids! A friend of mine mentioned that a friend of her's was a huge "Baby Einstein" fan -- but that this mom thought if she plopped her little one in front of the TV, the little thing would just soak it all in.   Now, while we probably do rely too heavily on TV to fill in our time-gaps, talking to our kids is something that's never waned. All four of my children were very verbal from very early -- because we TALK to them.   Our boys have spent more time at Lowe's and Menard's (another local huge hardware/home store) than most kids. They know something about plumbing and carpentry...they are learning. Outside the classroom and probably in ways we don't even know. And most importantly, "I" am determining what they will learn, HOW they will learn it, and how long it will take THEM. We are competing only with ourselves.

In addition, my boys play together! They are almost 4 years apart in age, but they are great pals. They prefer to sleep in top bunk TOGETHER, and Mark and I just laugh, listening to them carry on before they fall asleep.  They laugh and joke...its music to our ears and our hearts.   In fact, they just got up, and Colton said to Connor, "Come on, Connor. We're gonna do something!"  They play together all day. Its just a blessing...and I think this is what gives Colton his ability to play well with younger kids. He won't learn that sitting in a classroom all day long with other kids his age-- MEAN kids, in some instances.

The other consideration is the risks at play letting him play with other kids who's families are a mess. Or fathers who are indulging in things not meant for anyone - let alone children. I'm not willing to put him in that place. Its my job to protect him. Where better than at home?

Of course its been hard ..thinking we were somehow behind. But you know what...I know that's a lie. Its a lie from the enemy who would like nothing more than for me to believe someone else could do better...someone else would love my son more than me...that someone else would care more about what/how/when he learns than me. LIE LIE LIE!    Sure there are LOTS of things I could do better (and I'm working on it!) but no one will love my boys more than me and their daddy.  They will NOT learn that GOD created the heavens and the earth; they will NOT learn a new scripture verse each week; they will NOT learn how to treat others better than themselves.   I've gotta say -- more than once when we've been to McDonald's during a day when most kids Colton's age are in school -- I've had a mother say to me how nice and well-mannered my boys are...esp Colton.   One mom even said "You homeschool don't you?  I knew because its clear you spend a lot of time with your boys...they are very well-mannered." BOY, what kind of kudos is that???     The guidelines for time at McD's is that there are kids there littler than you; you are expected to play safely and kindly, being helpful to the little ones.   Colton is awesome with this! Tell me of how many other 7 year old  boys that can be said?  Few, I'd wager.

Yep, I'm proud of my guys. They are learning all kinds of tools for LIVING...things they will not learn in public school.  and most of all, I can teach them the truth about our world from the word of God. Sounds lofty, I know, but its becoming more and more clear to me, almost by the minute, that this is my MINISTRY for this season in my life.

Interestingly enough, I started this homeschool journey with the attitude, "We'll take it a year at a time" thinking that eventually we'd all get sick of it and I'd toss them in public school...but you know what? I'm changing my mind. The Lord is working in my heart, giving me confidence, that we are in this for the long haul! He will equip us to do this, provide the resources to do it right and well, and my boys will make a great contribution to the world someday!

I guess you could say I've come almost 180-degrees from where I was even just a week ago! My good friend Anna, who is a public school teacher (a great one -- who loves the Lord!) came and gave Colton a reading assessment.   In the reading area, he's a little behind...but in the comprehension and sequencing, she says he's on the high end!! So, that tells me we just need to practice more. We're reading every day, learning new words. And he'll get there. I'm asking the Holy Spirit to give me a relaxed approach, but at the same time  deliberate and disciplined efforts at getting better each day.

I'm learning -- just like my homeschool friends have told me...the Lord is teaching me much about myself, about HIM and His faithfulness in this particular area of my life. I expect I'll be learning right along with the boys!

So, I'm praying today for success. Just for today. Tomorrow will take care of itself, and I know the Lord will be there waiting for me.

Like Dave Ramsey says in his Financial Peace ministry, "Is it easy? NO! Its hard...but it is worth it!"

Almost 2008!

Unfortunately, I just poured my heart out here, and lost every word of it. Guess I'd better think of some other way!

Suffice it to say, without me trying to recall it all, that we are doing fine. Off to a fine start in 08 and anticipating great things ahead. Because of all the time I've lost now, I don't have time for a do-over, so I'll have to save that for another day.

I hope to get back on here and share some things that have been on my mind. and maybe by some miracle, I'll find them again. Doubtful, but you never know.

Please let me know how you are doing...

So, the following is what I started writing last week...I'll leave it at this for now, but will be back when time allows. HAPPY NEW YEAR!

________________________________________________________________________________

Well, to those of you who actually DO read this bag of hot air, and for those who were INVITED in my Christmas letter to see what was happening in the Thomas household -- I'm here! I really do neglect this little space because I am pretty sure no one reads it. And it certainly isn't someplace where I'd ever do any complaining (I don't have anything to complain about, you know!)

Anyway, let's see...Christmas was a great time with my parents visiting from KC, along with my 85-y/o grandmother (the last of my precious grandparents) and Krissi. They all arrived the Friday before and had to head back on Wednesday. We had a great time. Good fellowship and good food! What a combo, and boy we know how to do both really well. Watched some fun new movies and laughed together. It was a good time.

Now all is quiet here...I took down all the Christmas decor yesterday. Funny how it sometimes looks like you don't really have that much -- until its time to put it all back...we bought some new plastic containers so I had to re-think how to store everything. We enjoyed a live tree this year.

a response to Steve's comments

The 'feeling' is entirely mutual, dear Friend. We've known each other for probably 30+ years....from youth camp days in Northern MO, Lake Maurer. Oh my what fun those years were.

Steve is a dear man who has loved and lost and loved again and again...because he is a loving man -- he keeps giving. I treasure his place in my own life and am so pleased that 'he' is glad to be a friend of mine.

All the best, Stevie! You are loved, friend!

Its about time...

Well, hello, World...

To say its been a while is an understatement...I honestly forget about this place! I've been busy enough with STUFF to simply forget there's a place for me to vent! LOL

Let's see...where to begin...Right now, we have our house up for sale. We reduced the price this week, since we are "Motivated Sellers"! I don't favor that term -- it really means DESPERATE. And I guess we are. Considering we have purchased a home in Fishers IN and will close on it June 21...we NEED to sell this one.

Now before you go rolling your eyes, saying, "What in the world were they thinking?" -- just know we are SURE the Lord is directing our steps. We found the right house, right lot, right neighborhood, right locale to the local public HS where Kate will attend...close to just about everything (a little bit from church but that's okay!)...right $$...RIGHT TIME...but for some reason we are still sitting on our house here in St. Charles, having to reduce the price...WHY??? I have no idea. But it is what it is. And we move forward.

We are SO excited about what lies ahead for us in Indy. Like never before, we feel so much anticipation. Mark and I talked the other day about this...since we married in 1999, and have moved 2 times before, this being our third move, we have NEVER felt as we do now. Previously, our moves were dictated by Mark's work opportunities...and we were sort of 'forced' to go by people and circumstances beyond our control (or desire)...HOWEVER, even in those moves, we did see God's blessing. No question about it. BUT this move is based purely on OUR choice -- knowing w/o a doubt that the Lord has opened the door; He moved in our hearts to even begin to consider it back in December...and has answered SPECIFIC prayers about several things.

Those things might bear sharing -- permit me to go on and on...

Because Kate will be a Junior in HS next year, I knew any move would be so very difficult for her. Leaving is always hard, regardless of what you know lies ahead, BUT I have prayed the Lord would confirm to HER that He was leading this charge and had specific plans and blessings in store for her, as well as for Mark and me.

SO, back in Feb, as we were planning for an early March trip to Indy (Fishers), I took the liberty of sending inquiries to three high schools in the area...I think I mentioned that a while back. Anyway, I contacted the music people at the HSs, asking if they would grant Kate an audition for their music program for the fall. I didn't want her to miss a whole year of music/choir if there was any way to avoid it.

Following that, I really began to pray earnestly about the Lord's hand in all that...IF He wanted her in the music program, He's open the door somehow, someway...

All three were very gracious and gave time for her to sing for them...Her first choice, as I also mentioned, was Hamilton Southeastern (HSE) HS. And the choral directors indicated their pleasure at her audition and encouraged us to let them know ASAP if we'd be moving to their district, as they would be placing choirs  w/in the couple weeks following.

Well, our timing wasn't that good. We did not buy our house until late April. Still, I emailed the HSE team and let them know we WERE coming to the district; I told them I was sure they'd already placed their groups, but what did they see as an opportunity for Kate? I thought this would be helpful as she begins looking at the classes for next year/scheduling, etc.

I got a call the following day from Mrs. Mullen, one of the Directors. She told me that they had taken a chance and counted Kate IN for their top performance choir, hoping she'd be there to fill that spot!!!

I nearly danced! It was such a wonderful confirmation to me regarding Kate's talent, that the Lord was indeed preparing the way for HER, and had truly orchestrated this to come her way.

On a back track...Kate has been serving the Student Council Executive Board at St. Charles East HS as their tech mgr...this means she has been monitoring and updating the Student Council website all year. She took a web-design class last year and did excellent, so a friend recommended her for this job and she took it and has done a great job.

I really felt impressed that the Lord was using this to prepare Kate for something more...that this was not a dead-end job, but that there would be much opportunity come her way because of the experience...She was not so positive. Her remark, "Sure Mom...I'm going to just walk into a new school and they are gonna say, 'WE'VE BEEN WAITING FOR SOMEONE LIKE YOU!'  Not likely..."

I just 'pondered these things in my heart' and continued to pray and ask God to confirm it all to her.

FF to the March visit to Indy...we were given a tour by the Guidance Counselor at Hamilton Southeastern and 'happened' down a hallway...there was an open classroom, and Mr. Davidson popped his head in and greeted the teacher, Mrs. Garrett. She came to the hall, where Mr. D introduced us and we had a friendly little chat.

Mrs. Garrett 'happened' to mention that SHE one of the two sposors for the Student Council! I said, "Hmm...Kate has been working with the Student Council E-Board as their techie...managing the website, etc.." Mrs. Garrett stopped dead in her tracks and said, "YOU'RE KIDDING!? My tech people are graduating next year and I don't have anyone lined up to fill that position! YOU COME TO MY SCHOOL. YOU FIND ME NEXT FALL. I'LL PUT YOU TO WORK."

Needless-to-say, I cuold not resist an "I told you so" glance to Kate...who we expecting it and grinned ear to ear!

That was TWO major things in Kate's 'world' that I fully believe are God-directed. Still, she is struggling with the leaving -- good friends, a good church, etc. It will be so very hard. So, if you are reading this, WILL YOU PRAY FOR KATE in the coming days? Today is her LAST day of school; she has two finals today (Mon, June 4) and then that's it! There are a couple more youth events at church she'll be part of, but all too soon that'll be done, too.

My heart aches for this...but I KNOW w/o a doubt that the Lord is ordering HER (and our!) steps.

We are exctied about the ministry opportunities ahead as well. Genesis Church is small'ish, and growing, and needs Kate's contribution to the youth AND children's ministries. She will be helping w/ the kids services, doing worship, tech and maybe some teaching...wherever they need her. She has her Dad's gift of "helps" -- meaning she can show up and say, "Where do you need me?" and will go to work.

Right now, that's the biggest thing on my heart...is soothing over the pain of leaving; the anxiety of a new school...in the long run, I know she'll do great, but its the 'short run' that is hard.

SO, THANK YOU for your prayers -- first for her, and second that we sell this house!

We had FOUR showings this weekend -- not bad...but no offer(s). We'd love to see a bidding war going on! But of course we'll just be happy to see anything happening!

Today we'll do some more packing; closets, clothes (that we don't need anymore!), and books. We've gotten rid of so much stuff, that packing is not really stressing me out at all.

I think that's enough for one day, All.

Be blessed on this Monday and in the days ahead. Drop me a line some time, too, will you!? I'd love to know what's happening in your world!

the boat is floundering on the creek rocks

its been a challenging week for me...at least in the weight-loss dept. My brain is on ice with all that for some reason.

We were out of town -- when that happens, my whole mojo goes on vacation. I can't eat right, I don't exercise...its like my whole resolve goes on vacation...and boy is it nearly IMPOSSIBLE to get back on track. In fact, I'm so off track that I think I'll skip my WW meeting tomorrow morning. I just can't bear to see the truth reflected on the scale.

I bought a new book, "Cardio Free Diet" -- I'm just reading it so I can't say much yet, but I'm looking for alternatives to the endless walking I've been doing. It seems to be doing NO GOOD at all, and I'm hopelessly discouraged.

The authors claims that strength-training is the only way to go for weight loss -- PERMANENT weight loss. I do ahve some of the equipment to get started, and I can do anything 3x/week...for only 20 mins each time...so I'm going to give it a go. he claims you'll see results in two weeks. I sure wuold love to think so...

What is wrong with me?? That I can't keep a positive mindset about this whole thing? My walk this morning was just plain bad. I did not enjoy one step of it. Not even with the thoughts that I CAN walk...not even that made me feel better.

Wha-wha-whaaaaaaaaa.....sorry, Friends.

The house is coming along. slow but sure. mark is on the roll w/ getting the remainder of the kitchen tiled this evening, then grout tomorrow. Friday the carpet is installed so we have to have the kitchen ready to the point where we can move all the LR furniture into there. Its such a mess...but once we get the carpet in, then I'll finish the painting...we don't want to finish that until the carpet is done in case the walls get scuffed....once the painting is done (probably this weekend), then we'll begin moving stuff out of the LR to the garage...we're having a moving sale next weekend to get rid of some furntiure I feel we don't need or have outlived its style.

We think we're on to a house in Indy; new construction...but we have to get this one sold, and be patient while the new house is built. If we go with a new one -- rather than the in-process "spec" home we found this weekend, we'll have to wait until Sept to move in...this complicates things w/ Kate for school...not sure how we'll work all that out. Hate to move to an apt for only a few weeks...so we will see. If we go w/ the spec home, it'll be ready in July...that's pretty do'able. But the other house is a little roomier...so I don't know how we'll go.

I've done virtually nothing formal w/ School since we started our remodel...I feel that Colton is really missing out...I'll be so happy to have a school/craft/office room in our new home...where everything can be left out, or at least 'handy' from day to day. And to be able to have my craft/sewing stuff at the ready is exciting. I hate dragging it all out to do a project.

anyway, I'm a downer today...hope things turn around. By tomorrow morning!!

Moving Stones and More

I think I mentioned in an earlier entry that I'm on the weight-loss wagon. Again.

Yes, I've been a yo-yo dieter for years. Deadly serious about it maybe three times in the past twenty or so years. This is the third, AND LAST, time I'm getting serious about it. Once I get it off, it ain't coming back on.

I've given much thought to the process...and back we go to my reality that I am truly a destination person and barely tolerate the journey. Well, that may be a bit harsh...to not tolerate it, but its really difficult for me to be patient. Espeically with myself.

I have often read things that talk about the Journey -- ANY journey. And life IS one. Every aspect of life is one. Tough for people who like to BE there but don't like GETTING there. That would be me. But I'm somehow, finally, coming to terms with the fact that it just doesn't work that way.

And what is so ridiculous about that is that in years gone byI have encouraged people about THEIR journeys. Telling them, "God prepares us at Point A for moving to Point B; we can't get to Point M without passing thru all the Points in front of it." We can only reach a goal by going through various steps. We don't just wake up one day 80 lbs thinner.

You may have read a recent post I stuck into the "Article" section...the "Stones" or "Rocks" entry...and I've been thinking about that, and may have to re-write it a bit.

first of all, there are things in life that are huge obstacles. We all have them, to varying degrees. But some of those 'mountains' are probably not going to be moved. What 'may'happen is that God, in His great wisdom (isn't that an understatement!) may simply give us the grace and strength to GET OVER IT.

I've seen the perspective of Him moving mountains, "one rock at a time" -- but that only applies to certain things in life. For instance -- in my weight loss efforts...my weight is not going to come off in one big blast. This experience, or 'journey', if you will, is a perfect example of something happening one stone, or pound, at a time. Being overweight is not a state of mind that I have to 'get over.' Sure, there's a measure of self-confidence, believeing in who I am in Christ and all that...but frankly, being overweight is not healthy. I have allowed this to happen and, if I don't get a handle on it, I may not live to see my boys raised, or see my girls' own babies! AND, I barely have the energy to keep up with my boys as it is. I really hate that...

And not only is it unhealthy, being overweight ruins one's self-image. I do not have the confidence I once had...I KNOW most people -- who do not know me -- judge me based on my looks. Even in the the church (and that's a whole other discussion!)...but I'm just tired of feeling self-conscious, frumpy...etc.

Yes, most of it is pride. But you know what...I also believe its just a reflection of what I believe I deserve as a child of God; as Mark's wife, as my kids' mom...I deserve to be healthy -- God intended it from the Beginning. He intends me to live life to the fullest -- I cannot do that at this weight.

I KNOW I have been robbed of wonderful opportunities for ministry because of the image of my weight. In my eyes It suggests gluttony, lack of self-discipline...and it has nothing to do w/ my genes. I did this to myself.

Thing is, I'm much more forgiving of others for not being their ideal weight...I do NOT base my friendships on what my friends look like. But somehow I don't apply that same grace to myself. Dumb. But true.

So, in life, there are things we can see God MOVE -- the stones in our way that come down a little at a time...like someone getting well after a car crash; like recovering from a surgery; like recovering from a stroke -- as I did! -- and in other ways there are things we simply must learn to climb.

Sometimes He moves the mountains, and sometimes He just gives us strength to climb! (I think I head a song about that lately!)

So, whatever our situation, God gives us the grace to do what needs to be done. We either do our part to move the stones (in my case, 'pounds'), or we stay the course and find the strength and grace to keep moving toward the summit.

My mountain is moving...10..6 lbs as of last Wednesday. Weigh-in is tomorrow. I'll report back how it went.

Please send me a note, will you, and share your own perspective on this.

Oh, and one more thing...I just learned that I have been published for the first time, in a print magazine!! Its the March/April 2007 issue of "Hearts at Home"... I don't know if you can access any of it on line, but you can try at: www.hearts-at-home.org

Its my "YAMGT' article....I didn't know they'd accepted it until I rec'd a couple copies in the mail yesterday! I'm excited, and now confident about submitting other things here and there!

And thanks to all of you who have enocuraged me thru the years...its paying off. I'm finally believing it!

I guess we ARE moving!

Last month I mentioned our current discussion regarding moving back to Indy. We have concluded that YES, we are doing this.

and I mentioned Kate's seeming lack of enthusiasm for this...and my desperate prayers that somehow God would move that mountain. (Yes, that subject was at the top of my list in those early mornings holding my rock!)...and you know what?....HE HAS.

Not with flashing lightening or peals of thunder...but in His typical (for me) gentle way, He has moved in Kate's heart. I knew He would, and I knew she would let Him. And thankfully, there have been several people (including a few of her peers) who have spoken God's word to her in recent days. Enough so that she seems to actually be excited about it all.

We were there last weekend. Mark and I spent most of Saturday house-hunting. Out of about 16 homes, we found MAYBE one that would meet our needs. Thing is, what we feel are our NEEDS far exceeds our willingness to cough up the cash.

Part of the appeal of moving is the reduced cost of living. Housing/taxes are cheaper, gas is cheaper, etc. I don't really want to make a "lateral" move -- keeping our expenses the same...meaning, spend more for a house, thus keeping our mortgage pmts the same...and Mark is a 15-yr guy. He HATES paying interest, so he's not too gung ho on getting a 30 yr and having to pay more interest on the front end than he would w/ a 15 yr. I truly appreciate that, but it does not necessarily help our "now" bottom line.

But I'm confident we'll find something. Its another one on the list of my ROCK praying.

Back to Kate...her weekend in Indy was good, too. She connected w/ some good friends, and gave herself to ministry on Sunday morning.

Our 'destiny church', "Genesis Church" is a young church...maybe 4-5 years. They have been meeting in an elemetary school, setting up WEEKLY -- EVERYTHING needed to have church: chairs, stage, instruments, kids church/nursery area. Its called "Portable Church" -- a real company that provides 'church in a box', literally. So, every Friday, dedicated volunteers descend on Carey Ridge Elementary school and give about 1-1/2 to 2 hours to setting up for Sunday. Then every Sunday, following the 11am service, another group sticks around to help put it all back into the boxes.

On Sunday morning, Kate helped with Kids church. She ran the powerpoint, helped w/ sound, and led worship. One of the adult leaders told me she did an awesome job! Of course she did. That's what Kate does, and she's great at it!

Her time here has been preparing her for being part of something greater than she even knows. I believe that full well. I'm praying she will come to see that what she enjoys here, at Christ Community Church (where it seems that money is no object) -- where there is state-of-the-art everything, space, a program and PEOPLE, that once upon a time, 20+ years ago, CCC was just like Genesis Church. Someone else gave time, money and talent -- sacrificing some things so that kids like Kate could enjoy what she now enjoys -- and probably takes for granted (don't we all?). SO, with that in mind, she now has the opportunity to build something for another teenaged girl to enjoy years down the road.

I know that appeals to Kate's heart because she is a servant. And now she is talking excitedly about being there, about the hugeness of the task...but there is excitement in her voice. And no longer does she lament leaving...sure it'll be hard -- leaving friends always is -- but she also seems to be aligning her heart to God's leading. I'm so proud of her.

So, the biggie now is finding a house. We can't afford 'everything' -- big house, big yard (an acre or two), close to school and church...but what will have to give?? Probably the big yard at this point. Our grief in that is that Colton has a gas-powered 4-wheeler. He LOVES riding that thing around our yard (we have a near-acre!); I can't see that being a welcomed addition to a nice subdivision in a yard barely bigger than a postage stamp! But maybe there'll be some other benefits to it all...the one house we found is on a cul-de-sac -- that's a good thing in my eyes -- less traffic so the boys will be able to play there. But we shall see.

Kate and I visited 3 high schools last Friday. One is a definite NO WAY, and one is clearly #1 and the other would be a fine fit for her, too...but now we are focusing our sights on the #1 school district, Hamilton Southeastern (HSE). Its an awesome school, and there are great opportunities for her there. We just have to find a house and settle in.

Anyway, I just thought you might be interested in our progress. -- so let me reiterate: WE ARE MOVING TO INDY. I just don't know when. Mark and I both felt more confirmation that this is the right thing - at the right time - to the right place. "For such a time as this" -- tho I don't really know what that means yet.

All part of the journey...but you know I'd rather just BE there!

We are in the throes of remodeling our house here in St. Charles...new fixtures in both upstairs bathrooms and a brand new kitchen. I should have done this 5 years ago...oh well. It'll be the jewel in the crown we beleive we have here...but we're in a mess. I've been cleaning out closets -- all that needed doing -- and giving away TONS of stuff, either to Goodwill or the the local Crisis Pregnancy Center. THAT feels really good...and I've thrown away a ton of stuff, too. Things from my childhood -- I read through it, relived the moments, and tossed it. That felt pretty good, too. Didn't see any need to keep it. And, horrors, I also threw away my old journal...started in July 1982. I read through it, relived the moments, and tossed it. There was NOTHING in it that would have preserved any part of my past I want to relive. Nor do I want anyone else to. Boy have I done a lot of growing...and it was a good time to let the past go. Felt great.

Mark is in sunny southern California this week...poor thing. Eating out, talking to adults, wearing nice clothes, cologne, socks...I've forgotten what that's like. Guess I'd better not get started on that subject. Always a sore spot with me, isn't it?

So that means I've said enough. Good day, everyone!

A Box of Rocks

Here's something that's been stirring in my head for a long while...finally took time to put it to 'paper':

Sometime ago my husband and I attended an event kicking off a “Capital Campaign” for our church’s building program. At that event, the tangible part of making that sacrificial commitment to give was presented in the form of ‘rocks.’

The point was that God can move mountains…even if its one stone at a time.

I picked a large rock. Small enough to hold in the palm of my hand, but large enough that it wouldn’t be overlooked or lost in a pocket. I knew what we felt challenged to give was, indeed, a huge mountain in our lives. We would need God to move a few stones in order for us to see that pledge fulfilled.

To this day I hold that rock in my hand during my prayer time every morning. There is NOTHING mystical or magical about the rock, but it is merely a physical reminder that the Lord is at work in my life, moving my ‘mountains’ one rock at a time. Sometime those mountains are blasted out of the way, almost miraculously, and other times, He just does it one-rock-at-a-time, over time.

And with that in mind, I bought a bag of creek rocks. My intention is to select a rock, or two or three from that bag, wash them up, and present them to various friends in my life who are facing difficult mountains these days…assuring them that God is at work – CONTINUALLY – and is moved by the prayers of His people, to work and to act in the lives of those in His care.

Certainly we may not see Him at work, but He IS working. When we can’t hear Him, He’s at work. When we can’t feel Him – He’s at work. Always. Never sleeping. Continuously aware of every little detail of our lives, and working to bring all things together for our good.

Please know, Reader, that God IS at work in YOUR life. Every day. The mountains you see all around you are nothing to the One whose strength is great.

So, this week, find yourself a rock. Maybe even a couple. Put them in places you’ll see them often during your busy day. Let those rocks remind you that God is moving mountains on your behalf. Sometimes the wait is long, but in the meantime you are becoming stronger. And one day you’ll realize the mountain isn’t in your horizon any more. God moved it, and now you can continue the journey toward becoming more like Jesus.

One more thing...

I do have another article on Faithwriters...go to:

www.faithwritersmagazine.com  and look under "United As One" -- you'll find me.

And its dedicated to Mark.

Catching Up

As has become my habit, I've managed to overlook getting on here to update it. Thing is, its probably more therapy for me than it is for any reader...if there are any readers!?

I've become a bit paranoid regarding Colton's education. Am I doing enough for him for Kdgn? Will he be a First Grader come fall? What does that mean exactly? I've been encouraged that Kdgn is so easy...well, yeah, but shouldn't there be some work involved, too? I mean, how's he gonna learn what I 'think' he's supposed to be learning? The curriculum I bought just doesn't seem to fit us -- too many pipe cleaners and pom poms for me.

I think we have a rhythm of sorts, and he seems to be an eager learner. But I'm trying to note those things he seems to have trouble with...and there are a few. I'm not worried - YET, but pray we can figure out how to get those things through to him...

Otherwise, its snowing like crazy here today. And Mark took the Suburban to the airport...I'm praying I can get out to get Kate picked up from school this afternoon...getting up the driveway! I KNEW I should have had him take the car and leave me the truck. he said, "I don't think its supposed to snow!" Well, he was wrong. So here's hoping Kate won't have to sleep at school tonight!?

I've been digging through boxes of old papers -- docs and receipts. Boy does all that bring up a lot of memories. Not all good either. The documentation of Mark's 'previous life' -- all of which I knew/know, so there are no suprises in any of it...still, I am reminded of how far he has come -- how far WE have come in eight years. And impressed all the more of how much I love him and need him. I confess there's a bit of insecurity in all that...I've always had this image that he married beneath himself. I am such a bumpkin...Mark is handsome, suave, sophisicated, brilliant, organized, logical...all things I am not. Guess I do help to keep him humble! ha! But what a role...not sure I really like looking at it that way. Still its hard to see it otherwise.

Funny how I go through this valley so frequently. I'm fully aware that it is the ploy of the enemy to win this battle of confidence -- or lack of it. Lack of belief in myself. At the same time I go thru that, I start begruding my LIFE. It actually came up in a conversation Mark and I had yesterday...he's in Florida; he was bemoaning having to find someplace to eat. Gosh, what a delimma. He's eating out, ON THE BANK'S DIME; often at NICE places (not just Chili's or Friday's or Applebee's -- yes, sometimes it is one of those), but if he chooses, he can eat well. And, usually he can have company if he chooses. Intelligent, ADULT company...over a dinner someone else prepares and CLEANS UP.

I do become resentful of all that. Especially when I have RARE opportunities for that. Evenings are not conducive to my going out...WE don't go out often because it costs $$. And Mark is ever frugal. So, going out, FOR ME, is a rare treat indeed.

and you know what, I'm not even going to continue this conversation. what's the point? I'm whining and I know it.

So, that's enough of that.

That's not what you are paying $ for! ha!!

But in light of the fact that I am not in a positive mind-set today, I'll spare you and myself any more sniveling.

suffice it to say, I'm in a prayer mode. I need it desperately today.

We are planning a move back to Indy. Think I may have mentioned that before? We've wanted to go back for so long, but never felt the time was right. It is now.

Kate is struggling...as I knew she would. However, I am daily praying for the Lord to confirm all this to her once again...as He has in days gone by. Five years is a long time at her age...but there is much to look toward and I must rely on the Holy Spirit to continue to confirm that in her heart as He has in Mark's and in mine.

Mark and I are desperate for a place to serve...to give back. to use our gifts to serve. We are not interested in being stars...I'll just be happy to show up at Genesis Church and help set up chairs!

I was called into the ministry when I was 12...and by that, I mean that I had a distinct voice in my heart that God was setting me aside for a particular life of ministry and service. Of course at 12 I had no idea what that meant...but in time, I realized it as I married -- Mike was a youth and children's pastor for 13-1/2 years. I was there in the thick of things...nearly raising the girls in the church building...it was a very fulfilling time in my life.

The summer of 1998, I traveled and spoke and sang at churches; spoke at a couple of women's retreats -- I LOVED every second of that summer. It was awesome. It was ministry and I was fulfilled.

When I was in Springfield, as a single woman, my home was a retreat for several college girls...it was ministry and I was fulfilled.

Mark and I married -- and everything changed. For both of us. We came here, expecting to find (at least eventually) a place to serve. We have not. It is not for lack of trying, or in offering ourselves. But there are no takers.

We cannot forever go on unfulfilled in our quest to serve and to once again fulfil what each of us see as a lifetime call...not to necessarily be out front, but to simply BE part of a moving and growing congregation that needs us, and that we can FEEL needed and that we can give to. (I know, the grammar there is atrocious -- but it is 'real' -- as opposed to "to which we can give.")

So, we feel there is that opportunity in partnering with Jeff and Kim Smith at Genesis Church in Indy. Mark's expertise is needed...and I'm happy to watch him blossom in a new role -- and in a renewed one. And to see Kate contribute to a growing youth group -- she is like the Rich Young Ruler in Luke 8 (?). She has so much here -- equal to riches -- and I'm praying she will be willing to give it all up (sell her possessions) and follow Christ. I believe Jeff Smith is like the Macedonian in Acts 16: "Come over here and help us!"

We are not special -- someone else can do it...but we don't want someone else to do it. We want to do it. What's "IT"? I don't know...I only know I don't want to miss out.

For you who are reading this, will you pray for us? here's how I see it breaking down:

1. Pray for Katie; pray that she will KNOW in her heart that this is about her, too; its about her role in ministry to a church that needs young leaders with experience and passion like she has. She needs courage for all that.

2. Pray that we can get our house ready. We have much to do to get it shining for the market; we pray for top $ out of it. In these days of a "buyer's market" we are asking God's favor so that there will be much interest. We do have a nice place -- it could be ideal for several families...we are remodeling the kitchen completely; new tile and carpet thru out; new paint; we're moving out some furntiure to free up some room and give it all the spacious feel that it truly has;

3. Pray for the perfect home for us in Indy. We know what we need -- and what we want; I'm asking for God' best in this...we can get more house for the $ there, and we want to stay on the lower side of our price range.

Those are the biggies...THANK YOU for your prayers on our behalf. We appreciate it.

Come back again in a few days, and over the course of the next weeks, to see what's what. I'm sure there'll be some exciting things!

Another Faithwriters Mag artcle! -- and more!

For what its worth, it HAS been a long time since I have had anything to say.

I've been consumed with several 'projects' in these past weeks, and have had little time for other things...things I really love...but I repeat myself....

We're just back from another jaunt to sunny FL. Mark had biz there and we made a week of it. Were blessed that my folks could join us, too, for a few days. A welcomed respite from the cold temps and ice in the midwest.

Thankfully the weather didn't hinder gettng home, for them or us. We've had that happen before. That is no picnic...trapped in an airport w/ two busy little boys???  I was not looking forward to that happening again. And it was so.

So, we're back in the saddle. There is snow on the ground as I look out our office windows. Its pretty, and I really don't mind it. My coat works well! As does the heater on the car.

BOTH things to be thankful for, eh? How often do we take for granted walking into a heated home? Or slipping on our winter coat (mine is 10 years old!)...blessings, both.

One of my personal goals this year is to be more thankful...to express my gratitude to the Lord first, for His bounty and benevolence. Then to my husband for his commitment to work hard to provide comforts for our family. To my kids...just for being the incredible people they are. To my friends...for BEING. Chances are, if you are reading this, you are a friend...so THANK YOU.

Our friends fill different slots in our lives, yes? And at the risk of repeating Dee Brestin "The Friendships of Women" -- our friendships ARE complicated...but oh so necessary to our growth and strength. I'm going to take more time to celebrate that this year. I hope you will, too.

If you are a man reading this (few of you, I'm guessing), I'd encourage you to do the same. I watch my own husband work hard at his relationships with other men -- Mark is VERY proactive when it comes to staying connected with the men in his life. But I've also seen him just flat give up, when there is no reciprocation. Its really disheartening for me...Mark is a quality guy and is a quality friend. Those who don't recognize that and embrace it....well, its truly their loss.

I know we're all busy...my word, I have a teenage daughter and two small boys (one of which I homeschool); I try to write now and then; I'm working on getting my Book in print (I'll keep you posted!); I like to read; I have a house to take care of...AND we are looking toward moving early this summer...so that means digging and purging, packing, giving away, making repairs and getting this old house ready for the market...I'm busy.

BUT, I hope I slow down enough to connect with those people who are important. AND THIS INCLUDES EMAIL. I don't phone often because I can rarely find a quiet spot that I'm not interrupted...but on email, there is no noise issues...other than the ones that might distract me for a minute....but I can leave it and come back if my boys need me!

SO, here's an admonition for you...MAKE TIME to  connect...express your gratitude for the people in your life who make your life what it is.  If "doing" is not your best thing, then at least acknowledge those others who are good at it.

My friend Julie Nott is one of the most giving people I know...I don't know how she does it, but she does and I'm so grateful...for her, and for her example. I hope to be like her when I grow up!

and, I could really go on and on...friends enrich my life in so many ways. I know they do yours, too. Just make some time to celebrate it, won't you??

“I didn’t find my friends;

God gave them to me.”

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Oh, I did say something about that f/w article...it will be in the Feb issue of the Faithwriters Magazine online...I think its just www.faithwritersmagazine.com    Look in the "United As One" section. I wrote the article a long while back, but pointed Deb Porter, the mag editor, toward it back in the fall...she fell for it! So, I'm happy to report that she's asked to use it in the February Issue! All Praise to the One Who enables...

ciao!

Happy New Year!

Hard to believe we're watching 2006 draw to a close...wow. Where did it go? If you got our Christmas letter (did I post it here? Yes, I think I did...) you'll see we had a busy year.   I told Kate the other day, while she was waiting for something to cook in the microwave, that she was getting older by the second! Sobering thought, isn't it?

I'm looking foward to a new year, doing more of the things I really love. We are setting our sights on moving the boys to kate's vacated room (she took over Krissi's last year), and then we're going to set up the boys' old room as a schoolroom and craftroom FOR ME! I can hardly wait to see it come together. I hope to maximize the area w/ some better organization of my craft/scrapping supplies, and esp a work area.

Plus, we are looking forward to getting our school area set up, so we can have a little more flow to our efforts. I know many HS'ers just use the dining room table -- and we've been doing that, but it'll be almost heaven to have a nice area where we can expand our supplies -- posters, blackboard, etc..and make it more "classroom'y"...but I'm looking forward to enjoying my own creativity come back to life in getting work done on the kids' scrapbooks and making some cards that are long-past needing to be sent.

So, the new year holds lots of promise...plus, I've got my heart set on spending more time in worship. I've let that slide because I've been consumed with other things -- things I've allowed to crowd out my time with God, including my laziness and lack of drive...but I've been convicted about that and am ready to make every effort to spend time with the Lord.

I've just read Max Lucado's "Cure for the Common Life" -- and he says this (Chapter 8): "Worship...turns a face toward the Father and away from frailty...Worship adjusts us, lowering the chin of the haughty, straightening the back of the burdened.   Breaking the bread, partaking of the cup.   Bowing the knees, lifting the hands.   This is worship.  In the solitude of a corporate cubicle or the community of a church. ...

"Worship God. Applaud him loud and often. For your sake, you need it.    And for heaven's sake, he deserves it."

That really helped me, and convicted me that I need to focus more on worship than on the stuff of my life. Doesn't Matt. 6:33 tell us to "seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and everything else will be added to you..."? Pretty simple...too bad we make it so hard.

God deserves our worship even when we don't feel like it. And I'm going to do better about that. Even when I don't feel like it...which is more often than when I do. Too bad. Do it any way.

Thanks to all of you who are interested enough in my life to keep tabs on me! Like many of you, I've had some dark days, but thanks be to God -- He is always ready to pull me out if I'll just reach up!

Reach up, and find that you are seeing things from a whole new view in 2007!

If Jesus ever emailed, He may have written this about Christmas...

The Thomas-Driver 2006 Christmas Letter

December 06

MERRY CHRISTMAS! I’m sure all of you reading this are looking back on your own year, wondering where the time went. But I know if we look around, we’ll see that it was spent: at the desk, in the kitchen, sleeping, watching TV, yard work, homework, vacation…its been a BUSY year, and does not seem to let up. On the bright side, there’s little excuse for boredom!

We’ve certainly not been bored this year. We’ve traveled a bunch and have enjoyed time with family and friends. We took our first-ever two-week vacation this summer…it was on the edge of too-long for the boys. They were ready to be in their own home, in their own beds, playing with ALL their toys. Still, it was a great time in Florida and I expect we’ll do it again!  Mark and I spent a week in Puerta Vallarta! What a beautiful place!!

Here’s a run-down of what’s up with each of us:

Krissi is a sophomore at Evangel University in Springfield MO. She is loving college, in spite of those typical frazzled days of finals and meetings and working. She’s working part-time on campus but hopes to venture further next semester. She’s majoring in Psychology and hopes to get her MA in Counseling. She’ll be great at that. She can empathize with people on so many levels. She is an organized person and definitely a leader.  She is Sophomore Class President and secretary of her Residence Hall. She’s making some great friends and doing well academically. All in all, she’s doing fabulous. She’ll be home with us for Christmas and we can’t wait!

Kate is a sophomore at St. Charles East HS. She is busy with Student Council Executive Board where she serves as the Technical Director – maintaining the Student Council website. She’s really good with that tech stuff. She also serves at Christ Community Church in the children’s ministry (Kids World) as a techie! She runs sound, lights, PowerPoint – and anything else that falls under that category. This year she is also working as an Intern in Kids World, helping with the children’s choir and worship.  She also sings on the youth worship team and gives time on Sunday mornings at the Student Ministries Welcome Center.  Kate is a funny, charming and gregarious girl. She keeps me smiling and I know there are great things ahead for her. (Oh, and she’s got her driver’s permit! YIKES! She’s doing well, and I’ll be glad when she can get herself to all those meetings!)

Colton was six on July 4. He is a rambunctious kindergartener and keeps us on our toes. We are home schooling him this year, and that’s going well. As the months progress, “I” am getting better at keeping on track with what we need to be doing and he’s a pretty patient student. We try to get together with friends on a regular basis so that he has opportunities to play, but there is nothing stunted in this boy’s social skills. He is friendly and engaging and usually the first to say hello to someone he doesn’t know. He makes friends easily and loves to laugh. He’s definitely a bright spot in this family. Hemophilia continues to be a daily challenge, but Colton is a tough kid and has a great attitude about it all.

Connor will be 3 in March. He’s probably the funniest toddler I’ve ever known. He is the family clown, and has an uncanny ability to be deliberately entertaining. Both boys are very tall for their ages, and Connor talks WAY PAST his age. I’ve had people remark about it in stores! They’ll ask, “How old is he?” When I tell them “two-and-a-half”, they seem so surprised that he talks so well. He still has some toddler’ish intonation: his “K” and “C”  is a “T” and the “G” is a “D”. That can be rather humorous: this summer in Florida, he told Mark he wanted to go swim in the “Kiddy Pool.” So, take that ‘k’ and make it a ‘t’, and you’ll know how funny it sounded when he said it! He’s pretty much got a clear grasp on all the other letter sounds, so I don’t think speech therapy is in his future. He’s cute and loveable and is the FINAL crown to this family line!

Mark is still with Bank of The West. He’s had a tough year with loan closings – for various reasons. Lack of hard work is NOT one of them, however. He’s a diligent and professional and loves what he does. He has a wonderful circle of colleagues and networking friends and is very fulfilled in those relationships. He is a great dad and loves having his office at home so he can be part of the boys’ lives every single day. We began attending Harvest Bible Chapel this past year, and Mark has been so challenged and encouraged in His walk with the Lord. It shows in everything he does. He is looking for new areas in which to serve at Harvest, and I know there are some great things ahead for him. I also think next year will be his best yet!

As for me, I am spinning lots of plates and have had a very busy and fulfilling year, doing many things and trying to figure out what I love most. I did some writing and found myself published on an internet Magazine! You can find those articles at http://www.faithwritersmagazine.com/July06/apples.php,  and    http://www.faithwritersmagazine.com/October06/ascribe.php. And a list of my articles can be found here: http://www.faithwriters.com/member-profile.php?id=20487       I LOVE writing, but lately have found little time for it.   I also have a blog, where you can pop in now and then to see what’s new: www.homeschoolblogger.com/kkccmom   I hope to attend a couple writer’s conference next year, and am asking the Lord what He will do with this passion and desire. I’d have to say its probably my first love but I don’t know what, if anything ‘major’ will ever come of it. It may be for a limited audience – and that’s fine. I just don’t want to sell myself short if there’s more!?  I am finally working on “The Book” I have a first draft done, and am in a holding pattern as to what/where to go next.    I am working part-time for my friend Julie, as an assitant to her for “The Old Schoolhouse Magazine” – a wonderful magazine for homeschool families. I’m learning a lot and finding several challenges along the way.  And in September, I started a business with Discovery Toys. It fits my life right now, with the boys – both their ages and our homeschooling, and its been fun! I’m actually building a selling team and am anxious to see where it all leads. Let me know if you need awesome toys & games for the kids in your life!

I am also writing as a fictional character, Janet Detcher, on the “Scenes and Beans” blogsite for the “Kanner Lake” book series by Brandilyn Collins. If you haven’t read any of Brandilyn’s work, YOU GOTTA! Check this out: http://www.kannerlake.blogspot.com Dig through the archives and you’ll find me as JANET DETCHER, wife to Hank, the local pastor. Its been tons of fun!

I don’t have time to do ALL the things I love – stamping, scrapbooking, reading, and it goes without saying that my house sure needs some TLC, but without a doubt, LIFE IS GOOD. God has been so good to us, and in this time of year I love reflecting on the Grace that’s been so abumdant. We are happy, secure, warm and content. There is nothing more…and we wish all that for each of you in 2007.

Please keep in touch: fivebewe@sbcglobal.net -- Merry Christmas, with love