This has been a strange time. The day before Valentines Day, our pastors wife died of H1N1… A bubbly laughing lady who found joy in just about everybody and everything. She’d had the flu for less than a week.  Vee was only forty-five.  That was a big blow to our church and it also rocked the County community.  I knew I loved her but I didn’t realize how special she was to everyone else.  Isn’t it amazing how we center our world around ourselves and we don’t even realize it…
They had three teenagers [homeschooled] – and a few years earlier had adopted a toddler from South America.  It just didn’t seem right that someone with so many people needing her would be taken. Not only was she important to her family, our church and the community, she  had just started being invited to speak at Women’s conferences and meetings all over the USA and even Africa!  I don’t think I’ll ever forget Vee; she was tiny but made a big impact on the lives around her.
I thought that 45 was way too young to die but a few weeks later we learned that a young man from my childrens old youth group had passed away.  He was in his early 30′s but apparently he had been ill for years with a kidney disease and even had a transplant but lost the fight.
A few months later Sari, a young lady also in her 30′s died from an anurism.  She had exercized on Saturday and Sunday told her folks that something was wrong – and asked her mom to go to the hospital with her. It didn’t seem like a big deal, at least the way her father told it…   and we all wondered just what kind of exercize it was that warranted going to the hospital… She was a Atomic Technician there – that’s a lose translation… I really never understood what she did, but it was important and she was good at it. Imagine our shock when the next day we learned she had died.  That was totally unreal!  She had never been sick other than the average cold now and then.  I think she still had her toncils!  She must have been two or three when we started going to that church.  An only child that her parents considered a miraculous gift from God after 17 years of marriage.  She was always at church. Quietly.Â
A few weeks later we heard another former Youth member was in the hospital and not doing well.  It seemed Angel had been battling cancer for six years and none of us knew.. Her parents said she was a “very private person”! Well, I guess I’m not. I would want everybody and their third cousin to be praying for me!   I remember Angel as a babe in arms when I first saw her. Her teen years were very tumultuous… and I had very negative feelings about her because I adored her parents and I saw what her behavior was doing to them.  I hadn’t seen or heard anything about her for about 12 years.  Funny how you forget that children do grow up to become decent people.  Apparently she had turned her life around; she had a precious little daughter that she called ‘Lit’l me”.  When we went to the funeral home and I met the child I was instantly captivated when she grinned at me with two front teeth missing. And her Mama?  She looked like a Princess waiting to be kissed awake…  I was flabbergasted at her beauty.  Suddenly grief hit me – it was real.  Somebody I really didn’t know was gone much too soon. She was 29.
Then Monday. Â Well, it started before Monday. It was 23 years ago. Â There was a very tall, [over 6 foot] fourteen year old new in the Youth Group. Â She was big boned, big breasted, chunky and had a speech impediment that was impossible to understand. Â She was pushed to the outer edge and ignored. Â But she wouldn’t be ignored. Â She had prayer requests... Â My daughter was the only one who could understand her.Â
Kitten had a broken eardrum and could not hear out of one ear so she had to listen intently and guess astutely to know what was going on.  She was the only one who took the time for Ally.  Ally would get up and make her long rambling prayer request and the Pastor would look dazed and say, Kitten, why don’t you pray for that  …not knowing at all what the need was.  I remember Kitten saying to me one time, “Mama she thinks I’m her friend!  We have nothing in common, are nothing alike… “ She felt guilty that she didn’t feel a connection at all and somehow ashamed because she knew the other kids were treating Ally badly. So she always took time for her and Ally thought they were friends.
We left that church and I think her family left before we did. Anyway, for years and years she never crossed our minds.  Kitten married, had four kids… [she went though an extreme medical event during the forth pregnancy when she developed a blood clot in her right leg. She almost died at one point. During that time her husband lost his job of 18 years and things were rough as he tried to find a way to support his family].
She was in Targets when she ran into Ally. She’d had a breast reduction and somehow the speech impediment was hardly noticible. It was the day before Angel’s funeral and they agreed to go together. Kitten called me all excited to tell about it. They had so much in common. Ally was married and her two children were the same ages as Kitten’s oldest boys. After the funeral they continued to see each other and a strong bond was formed.  Ally was very involved in a near-by small church; her husband was part of the childrens ministry. Kitten and her family started going to the same church. When she called me it was Ally and I…Â
And then tragedy stuck the Kitten. She had a very difficult miscarrage. The second one within a year. The first time was all machines and numbers… you might be, yes… no. This time there was baby #5 and the ultrasound showed baby’s image and the heartbeat was strong. The next day my phone rang. “I’m bleeding but it’s light.” We tried to take a positive stance. But the day wore on and it was worse. Finally in the early dawn of Sunday morn, the phone rang. “Mama, can you come and stay with the little ones.  They are still asleep.  Ally has the boys at her house.”  I went. It was a Noday without church and the day dragged on and on with a phone call now and then with a weary update from a heartbroken Kitten. Late afternoon the door burst open and in surged the boys, Ally close behind. And her children. And her sister. They all carried bags. She had brought us supper! I was again amazed at the change in Ally. She was confident, competent and outgoing. I was so happy my child finally had a friend. A real friend who didn’t always need her and then dissappear when she needed help. Ally talked to her on the phone and told her she was taking the boys back with her again. I heard her say, “Now listen. Hush. You know you’d do it for me, wouldn’t you? So just be quiet. It’s done.” And that was that. When Kitten did get home she was exhausted and so sad. They had told her to come back the following week and they’d do a D&C.
So the next Sunday night her crew came to Grammie’s.  Monday was uneventful. We had a pleasant day [with school-lite]. It wasn’t until Tuesday we found out… Her sister had called time and time again Monday but Kitten was totally out with whatever medication they had given her. Her husband didn’t take the calls because he knew they were for her… so??? He came and got the kids late that afternoon and told me she was asleep and had been since they got home from the Doctors.Â
Kitten called me Tuesday morning and I could hardly understand her. She was crying. I thought she was saying Ally’s dead…Ally’s dead! She was. It took awhile to get the story. At Church Sunday night Ally had said to her that her arm was hurting and her jaw. Kitten questioned her and she said she’d had a heaviness in her chest for “a few days”. Kitten urged her to go to the ER but Ally passed it off saying, “Oh, I’ve been before but they don’t do anything…”  It was her fault, Kitten said, she should has said, come on, let’s go… I’ll go with you… But she had that D&C scheduled for the next morning and she had told me she’d bring the kids over after church… and so she came here and Ally went home.
Thirty-five. A heart attack at thirty-five. Ally’s gone. There’s a big hole left. Lots of holes in lots of lives.
in a week, 
]
and my faithful companion of 14 years, Granger, died a very slow death. 
I would get down on my knees and scrub and fume. Suzie had to go! She was a nuisance, a stress inducer, too much trouble! 
My tears were unnoticed by the surrounding forsythia bushes and honeysuckle vine as I lifted the heavy wet dirt with the shovel. I barely covered him and had to stop. My girly muscles failed me. 
LadyMother