Posted on my category page: This is Where I Stand

If you truly understand James 4:14

"Whereas ye know not what shall be on the morrow. For what is your life? It is even a vapour, that appeareth for a little time, and then vanisheth away."

then you realize that there are a lot more important things than your hobbies, career, and to-do list. We must make time to just "be" and enjoy the really important things in this life: getting to know and worshipping our Creator, witnessing to others about the salvation of Jesus Christ, and loving the people He has placed in our lives. Of course we can't get away from the "necessary" things for long. They are necessary, after all. But they are not our first priority. Take time every day for the truly important things!

Posted on my category page: Spiritual Revelations from Our Awesome God

Is the headcovering mentioned by Paul in I Cor 11 for today? Or was it a "cultural" thing for Paul's time only? I believe it is for all-time. I'd like to write more on this, but I'll just briefly go into this tonight before I tuck my little ones in bed.

I've been wearing a headcovering for several months, more often than not. I felt drawn to do it, but really wasn't convinced that it was necessary. When the Lord challenged me with the question, "What's your source?" while I was recovering in the hospital, this was one of the things that I felt convicted about. Why was I wearing a headcovering? I wasn't sure. So I stopped wearing one for a few weeks.

The other morning I woke up thinking about it. As I lay in bed, I prayed, "Lord, what should I do about this? I don't know if I should wear a headcovering or not." The Lord spoke to my heart to read the scriptures "afresh," as if I was reading them for the first time. I read I Cor 11 again and this is what I understand it to say:

Woman was created for the man. She is the glory of man. Therefore she is to have a symbol of authority on her head. It is not her hair. Her hair is her glory. Human nature teaches us this. A woman's long hair is sensuous and beautiful. Human nature also teaches us that it is shameful for a woman to have her head bald. Therefore, she should wear a covering, like a veil, upon her head to cover her glory (her hair) and man's glory (herself) in the presence of God and the angels (when praying or prophesying). Since the Bible also teaches us to "pray without ceasing" (I Thess 5:17), I believe the headcovering is to be worn all day. Indeed, we often stop throughout our day to pray for a need that comes to our attention, to pray over our meals, to pray for a skinned knee or a bellyache, etc.

Prophecying doesn't happen daily around here, but when it does happen (which is another topic I'd like to write about in the future) it is unpredictable. How are we to know when the Lord is going to give a Word? I don't think Paul intended a woman to have a headcovering "on the ready" just in case a Word comes to mind, then hurry up and put it on before she opens her mouth to speak.

In addition, the second half of this chapter speaks of communion and is oft quoted and applied in our modern churches. I haven't heard this portion written off as cultural, for Paul's time only. How can we divide a chapter in half and follow one part and not the other? I fear that many Christians are confused. They've been taught to reason away the teachings and commandments of the Bible that are uncomfortable.

Lord, help us not to be proud, legalistic, or judgemental like the Pharisees; rather, give us the boldness to be humbly obedient to your word. Amen.

Posted on my category page: Spiritual Revelations from Our Awesome God

Pastor Loren Covarrubius:

Why was the devil in the garden? Why were there giants in the Promised Land? Because God has desired to have children who would overcome and take dominion. It is a matter of maturity.

Posted on my category page: Spiritual Revelations from Our Awesome God

When we've got nothing left to muster up -- no encouraging thoughts, no physical energy, no spiritual wisdom -- then we have reached a place called "Faith." It is then that we can truly surrender ourselves and lean on the everlasting arms of Jesus.

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Spiritual Revelations from Our Awesome God

Sometimes you're so broken all you can do is the next thing.

Sometimes you're so broken all you can do is call on the Name of Jesus.

And that is enough.

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Spiritual Revelations from Our Awesome God

I cannot comprehend the love of God. I know He is love. I know He loves His children. I even believe myself to be a child of God. But I'm having a hard time comprehending that HE truly loves ME. I asked Him today to show me that He loves me. I need His love. I need to know He loves me.

I've been separated from my husband because of military committments. Now I've been separated from my children for medical reasons. I've had to take a low dose of radiation prior to a body scan and cannot be with them for 48 hours. They're in good hands and they're having a great time with their grandparents. I've accepted this as a divine appointment to meet my Father in praise and prayer and Bible study and I've had a wonderful day. But I miss my family!!!!!

I called my babies to tell them good night. When I got off the phone I prayed that the Lord would keep them safe when I can't be with them. I confessed that as much as I love them and desire to protect them because I'm their Momma, I know that it is truly the Lord who always protects them anyway. I thanked the Lord for them and told Him, "I love them soooo much!"

Immediately He spoke to my heart, "How much more do I love you? I will carry you through this storm!"

Thank you Lord! I love you too!

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Married to the Best Man Alive

I need to start this entry on a tangeant  and give my Daddy credit for the phrasing I'm using. My Dad has a way with words like no one else I know. Often, he provides comic relief in otherwise stressful situations just by his use of the English language.

So a few weeks ago after I got my cancer diagnosis, I was talking to him on the phone. I was about 24-hours into the process and I told my dad, "I'm scared because I don't feel God." He said, "Sweety, you're  in shock. It's like you've got airbags on." It was so true. At that point, the only thing I had cried about was having to wean my daughter. Once I realized this, the floodgates opened up and I bawled on the phone to him. It felt so good to just *feel.*

Now to my topic. As a military wife, I've had to learn to "disconnect" from my husband to a certain degree because of the traveling he is required to do. When he leaves, we have to carry on. Homeschooling, doctor's appointments, oil changes, illnesses, play dates, everything about our daily lives must go on. In order to function, I cannot *feel* what my heart longs to feel. I have to have a tough skin. I have to be extra-strong. I have to be somewhat independent. And I thought I was doing okay.

Enter a scary medical crisis and a deeper need for my spouse than I've ever experienced. My knight in shining armour came home to care for me and my children. I was so humbled, grateful, and deeper in love than ever before. It was so good to have him home.

And then he had to leave again. I spent 2 days sobbing. I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. How can I do this again? How can life go on without him? How can I sleep alone every night? It hurts terribly. I didn't want to disconnect from him. I want to be with him. But I can't. My sister-in-law said it was like I had to build a wall around my heart and I agreed with her. That's what it was like before he came home.

But it can't be that way anymore. A wall is too solid, too permanent. Walls don't allow any feeling at all. Now I have air bags around my heart. They're protecting me from hurting too much while he's away. but my heart still feels. I can still put on his deodorant and his t-shirt and cry into my pillow at night when I'm missing him. I can sit in the doctor's office alone, remembering him sitting on the chair next to me just 2 weeks ago, and shed a few tears. But I can also safely navigate through the daily-ness of life because of my airbags.

Lord willing, our family will be together again sometime next year. Prayerfully, sooner rather than later. Until then, I'll rely on God and my airbags to get me through.

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Spiritual Revelations from Our Awesome God

After my surgery, I had a 24-hour stay in the hospital. Although I spent a lot of time sleeping due to the morphine they had me on, I did have some quiet, wakeful hours alone with the Lord. During one of those times, I was thinking about "who" I am as a person and how this experience with cancer may change that. The Lord quietly spoke to my heart and asked me "What's your source?" In other words, what did I use to define the standards that have shaped "who" I am? I know my source should be God and the Bible. But in that moment, I came to realize that my source has been some favorite magazines, websites, and books more the the Holy Bible and my Holy God. Granted, these sources were all authored by Christians quoting scripture and sharing from their own life experiences and wisdom. But to make them my defining source over God and His word is nothing but sin.

Since then, I've realized this question is much broader. My source of strength has been myself. My source of advice has been my friends, my family, my husband. My source of joy has been my children. The list goes on. I don't think any of these things are bad in and of themselves. But God must be #1. He must be my first source.

I have repented and am starting again from scratch so-to-speak. Lord, help me depend on You, my True Source.

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Confessions of an Imperfect Momma

I had a complete thyroidectomy last Friday. Prior to surgery, my endocrinologist told me I had papillary cancer, the most curable form of the disease. My CTscan showed the cancer to be isolated in my thyroid, no spread inside my neck or to the lymph nodes. After surgery, my surgeon said this still appeared to be the case. The entire thyroid and both tumors were removed. Next step is a full-body scan to find any radical thyroid tissue which has the potential to become cancerous. If it exists, I will receive radiation to kill it. Survival rate is excellent.

Yesterday, I received a phone call from my endocrinologist's office. "The pathology report is back and he needs to see you right away." I've never had cancer before, but I've always heard that this type of phone call means bad news. I was sure pathology had shown that I had a worse form of cancer. Suddenly every ache and pain in my body became cancer in my mind. Last night was a long night (to be numbered among many long nights in the last few weeks).

When you're facing cancer, and maybe even death, straight in the face you're whole view of the world changes. Drastically. Many of the things that I used to think were important suddenly no longer are. My only priorities have been talking to the Lord, spending time with my family, and trying to sleep when I can't handle my reality any more. The worst part about sleeping is waking up and realizing that cancer is still my reality.

Another thing that happens is that you begin to evaluate what you've done with your life. Of course, there are a lot of things that I would still like to do. I'm only 35. I have a super husband and 6 gorgeous children, the youngest is only 9-months-old. Things I still want to do are reluctantly surrendered. But things I have already done become scrutinized. Have I pleased the Lord with my life? Really? Have I been a good wife? Really? Have I been a good mom? Really? How have I treated other people in my life who have faced cancer or other diseases? It's hard to realize some very big mistakes and wonder if I'll even have time to make them right.

Without getting into a lot of personal details, my life evaluation has led me to repent of some things before my God, my husband, and my children. It has also made me realize that I have been so scared of cancer that I have avoided other people in my life who have had it. I'm ashamed. And yet I'm forgiven.

Today I saw the endocrinologist. He said pathology showed that I indeed had papillary cancer, there was no spread of the cells inside my neck, and we have scheduled a full-body scan in a few weeks. For now, that's all really good news! Praise God!

I feel like I've been given a new lease on life. Lord willing, I just may have some time left to make up for my mistakes. My life looks very different today than it did just a month ago. My husband and I have made some decisions that have essentially turned our world upside down -- or is it right-side up now? Our "plans" have changed, my priorities have changed, my faith has changed. I'm eating humble pie, and it has never tasted so good!

~ Layla

Posted on my category page: Spiritual Revelations from Our Awesome God

What is the definition of faith? I'm not Webster so my definition may differ from his. I haven't even checked his, to be honest. I'm learning, however, that faith is trusting in God's infinite wisdom and perfect will. In contrast, faith is NOT trusting God to make things turn out the way we want them to.

Last Friday I was diagnosed with thyroid cancer. I've never had thyroid problems. There is no history of thyroid cancer in my family. I have no idea where this came from; but alas, here it is. I have prayed that the Lord would let this cup pass from me, but He hasn't. I'll be having surgery later this week which may be followed up by radiation treatments. Then I'll be on synthetic thyroid meds for the rest of my life. Lord willing, I'll still be able to live long enough to raise my 6 beautiful children and grow old and gray with my wonderful husband.

Some may say that the Lord would heal me miraculously -- I wouldn't even have to walk this road -- if only I had enough faith. I disagree with that viewpoint. I think faith is developed through trials just like this. How do we know that we can trust God unless we are placed in situations that require trust? I did not ask for cancer. But I have asked God to make me the woman He has designed me to be. Apparently, He has designed me to be a woman of great faith!

"And straightway the father of the child cried out, and said with tears, Lord, I believe; help thou my unbelief." ~ Mark 9:24

~ Layla