We have been having more learning days of late and that sure pleases me!

I am learning to stop self focusing! How is it that a mom of many remotely self focuses? Well after having long stretches of physical hurdles to climb one tends to measure everything by how they ‘feel.’ After a bit you loose excitement for the day because meeting goals seems too strenuous and impossible. For me depression still comes to me even now that I am feeling a bit better. Courage! That is my prayer.

I am spending time in the Word and laying plans for the Spring that should give me something to look forward to. It is the NOW that is scary for me.

If I wake fairly refreshed will I get to ‘school’ after the morning routine?
That is always in question. And if I make it past 4 pm without a nap will I melt down by 7pm?

Well there I go self focusing!

Praises for some freebie tips I have recently gotten. A great history ‘channel’ online, a free download of funix reading program, and some spiritual resources too. frsh stuff always helps the kids want to learn.

Praises for being cozy indoors during most of this blizzard like winter and being refreshed buy the time we do go out!

Praises for the new friends that have come into my life. And the old ones that are so faithful.

Praises for the avenues of help that I have been handed or given the strength to seek out.

Praises for the flashes of insight and vision I have gotten in between the rough patches or maybe even BECAUSE of them!

Looking forward to the productive days ahead.

I haven’t been able to really focus on many of my goals for several months but for daily survival and the needs of our infant .

I *think* that I will be able to get through a lot of reorganization this week.

So far I have the house pulled apart and am moving things from place to place dusting and cleaning. I also have been trying very hard to meet the nutritional needs of the family. Thus far they’ve had great eating; Chili, Zuke lasagna, Baked apples…
Juicing weekly and having daily smoothies is helping us feel better.
I am drinking large amounts of tea to keep my milk supply up.

Re organizing

All books and Homeschool Materials

Clothing

Contents of kitchen and bath cupboards

Throwing away a lot of old papers and magazines

Cleaning under beds

Anchoring a bookcase to the wall

Putting all computer stuff together

Setting up an old iMac to run some educational software on

Mike is reading The Two Babylons to me and I read a few books to the kids.

I hoped to post at least one item this month and since I needed to write and old friend I composed this ;^)

Addressing our current beliefs to people in my life is something I have not had to do really before because we are so locally alone at this point. But I will attempt to share with you so you might understand where we are in life:^)
In trying to simplify it is easiest to simply say we are not mainstream Christians anymore. Even prefer to simply say we are ‘believers.’ Believers in the Most High, In Yehshua the messiah. We have journeyed to learn more of who ‘Jesus’ is. He is of Jewish linage which is very significant. Hashemn who bears the personal name YHWH we feel deserves that reverence -to be called his chosen name. We chose to follow after the guidelines he gives in the whole of scripture… which means studying the first five books the Tanakh Hebrew Bible in depth and viewing the new testament from the disciples Jewish heritage/ Hebraic mind. It is amazing to allow ones self to grasp that when Messiah came he did not do away with the old testament scriptures he and his closest friends were all of Hebraic mind. They never stopped being Jewish and they never condemned the ten commandments. They never told us to disregard any of the words of YHWH. They told us to come out of the paganism of the world.

All of this started in both Mike and I before we met but grew within a few years of our marriage. We haven’t celebrated Christmas for several years, Easter, or any of the other non commanded Holidays. Holy Days are shown in scripture to be the A Concise Overview of the Seven Feasts of Israel seven feasts of the Lord. All other holidays have such pagan roots, it is clear after even lightly researching, so we just don’t do them. Each year we learn more about the feasts each year and are learning how to obey/ observe and ENJOY them!
We try to have a 7th day sabbath each week ( Friday sundown to Saturday sundown). Mike is still on second shift but in the summertime he should be able to apply within his company for a first shift position and then we can help observe together more fully. As it is now we don’t worship as a family until Saturday afternoon/ evening.

This shift of heart and mind happened slowly but consistently over the years. While yet in Toledo we often found ourselves exhausted trying to attend and serve in the church. Mike was struggling heavily physically. He had many quite delirious experiences. Though some men can work 12 hours and stay up going to church and then sleep after arriving home in the afternoon and do relatively okay, he couldn’t. Symptoms of sleep deprivation were very scary and life threatening. I’d say the biggest changes took place after we left Toledo and tried to find new fellowship. Mike also had a very physically demanding full-time job on third shift. We spent significant time in several churches, traveled at length to try to find a good fit and kept hearing from YHWH that we needed to be separate. Every year we’d find our focus was less mainstream Christianity and more of a search of what does the Bible really say about what the Father expects of us as believers. We went through times feeling that we could not obtain regular fellowship and a place to serve.We questioned were we sinning or being stubborn against the requirements of YHWH but it became clear the struggle was more with local churches than with YHWH himself. Each year we’d have a new life come into our family we knew or energies were limited. What was gonna go and what was going to remain in our lifestyle was constantly in question.

Before we left Toledo our extended family relations had deteriorated. And with in that first year away we’d broke it off with our loved ones. Hoping to raise a new believing generation… being first generation believers is not remotely easy. And we chose to leave the emotionalism that came with trying to fit those not seeking YHWH into our lives. We were wanting a different kind of life than our parents and siblings. Those relationships constantly drained us of our focus on our individual walk. Not only that having contact with my mom became truly dangerous.
And we have not re-entered those relationships in all these years (7). We prayed very regularly about what YHWH wanted us to do and He kept showing us to stay separate.

In summary we have been in a type of wilderness and only more recently found fellowship in contact with others of similar walks ( through internet friendships). Very specific things have happened to get us in contact with these families. We feel very blessed to have study partners and continued hope for the future that is unfolding for us.

We are also having knowledge of ways to physical healing open up to us. And that is a major focus right now.

May our minds and bodies be renewed.

Shalom

Because we haven’t been ‘social’ for the last several years I don’t see my kids in other than home settings much. It has been good but I also realize that the ‘things’ we deal with seem ‘normal’ to us and I haven’t been proactive to really address many things.

I believe my two eldest who are boys are on the Autism Spectrum. I have ‘known’ this and slowly gathered info about their behaviors and possible tools or avenues to help them along in life.

My eldest boy lost all speech development after his 18 month vaccines & did not regain progressive dev until 2.5-3 yo. He also had severe stuttering between ages 5-7 but that subsided on its own. I believe he suffers a level of Apraxia of speech even today. He shows clear signs of S.I.D. ( sensory integration Disorder), he doesn’t simply ‘parrot’ but he has an unusual ability to listen to info like from a documentary ( or hours of them) and remember nearly verbatim. Thankfully he actually has good comprehension and learns. He is a sensitive boy that has extra empathy for others. I have to be careful not to overwhelm him with teaching him about the injustices of the world. I have noticed even when teaching him about health and foods… too much info at once makes him sad. How can the government and others be so uncaring to not protect the environment and each other etc… he gets sad.
( however he will get angry/ impatient with others if he is getting over stimulated/ irritated ie. Timmy won’t be quiet)

Our second son is HIGH energy and appears to have ADHD. He has ‘selfish’ tendencies doesn’t like sharing his activities much ( will even fight with the 2yo. about toys)
He is a master sound effects guy. He thrives on video games. His mind craves high activity. Sometime it is hard to know how much he is learning but he surprises us often enough that we are satisfied.

http://www.behaviora…or.com/SID.html

I believe my first two son’s have SID but exhibit it in different ways. Luke withdraws from certain things that might trigger an overload and his brother Tim has that need for HIGH activity, sound/ noise, and movement ( even if it is just in his mind)! The hardest part is the combination of the two kids is so problematic they are constantly getting on each others nerves- literally!
It magnifys when I am going through a period of preoccupation with bigger issues like a needy baby ( like now). I can’t redirect them as quickly. They’ve been having blow ups.

How do you teach your kids to respect the others special needs?
Punishing for behavior doesn’t seem to be the only thing I should be doing.

We watched a movie the other day about brothers that had Autism ( more than just on the spectrum). And it seemed like a good spring-board to discussion.

I am hopeful we’ll be going on special diet like GAPS soon.

Talitha’s birth went great; she was a sleepy newborn and then we had a family cold that set her back weight wise but she was back at birth weight by 5 weeks. However it has been a huge struggle since, Apparently I didn’t catch that my milk supply is precarious and though I have had her at breast almost constantly since birth she was failing to thrive.
We started supplementing with goats milk and she’s done much better. I now wish for country life all the more for keeping our own goats!

Talitha is now doing great she is up another few ounces In the first two weeks of supplementing she’s gained a pound and will surely be showing that her total gain in three weeks has been over 20 ounces. I am trying to decide where I can tweek the amount of rest she gets… I know she hasn’t had the proper amount and that surely is part of her problem.
I need to somehow engage the kids upstairs part of the day… I’d taken the small tv and vcr away from them that was available to them upstairs but wonder if I should return it. so she can have more quiet downstairs with me… It seems I fight with the need to have them all nearby so they can be heard and at least verbally corrected… but the noise level has been horrendous.
I doubt the baby gets 12 hours of sleep in 24 hours. http://www.sleepfoundation.org/article/how-sleep-works/how-much-sleep-do-we-really-need
I don’t put her upstairs to sleep because I need her to be nearby.. Jonny Sophia or Lina are not to be trusted to have/ sneak access to the baby so I always thought it more safe to have her with me at all times Anyway going round in circle with what to do

I really like the hospital grade breast pump I am being loaned! It pumps with a padded suction from all around the areola -so efficient and comfortable. Still hoping to increase my production. Much quieter than my own pump so I don’t hesitate to use it when the house is quietly asleep. I nurse her with the sns and then pump out a few more ounces…

We go for an appt to human services on friday to see if we qualify for any help -hoping to at least get kids on medical so the co pays will be covered to doc.

I am very much at peace with seeing the fam doc on the 28th Talitha should be at a two pound gain showing we are doing a good thing with her. She is already filling out though small!

Life has been such a blur lately. Life changes…
I cut the girls’ hair really short. It was impossible to keep them groomed though all this -they don’t seem to understand how to brush the back of the head… I have no hands for hair care. When they once again have long hair in a year or two they’ll be older and can hopefully care for it. I do prefer long hair on girls but they are still quite cute and girlish with short bobs. We now have three pony-tails to send Locks for Love org. Mine was so long when I took 12 inches off in July I still was left with very long hair -easier to pull up when long. It might stay in the same bun for two days at a time but it doesn’t look terrible or get tangled ~grin.

I realize it now takes me a half hour to trim everyones nails lol

I am also upholding the fewest clothing items per person policy…

We discovered Jonny was wearing shoes two sizes too small and Mike got him a new pair.

Luke has outgrown all but one pair of pants… thankfully he has plenty of shirts.

The Fall has largely been ignored by me… our backyard Maple seemed to empty over night!

I now see how much I normally do as what isn’t being done is clearly seen and felt.

For nearly 3 months everything has been measured in long feeding lengths and what I can do in 15-30 min intervals in between.

The kids are catching onto using the skills I have previously taught them to survive.

I don’t know when we will find our new normal… probably around March of next year.

Hope to blog a little here and there.