Jul. 24, 2008 - my blog my blog
I need to work on my blog.lol I have no idea what to write most of the time, so I don't know if people even read my blog to be honest.lol
I was thinking maybe a schedule I see that on alot of other blogs but that would involve me setting up something I would never ever use.lol
Public school is starting in a few weeks! Can you believe it, I can't. When I was kid you didn't start till the day after labor day, so it is WEIRD.lol I need ot start formal school with my kids, but lately we have been focusing 100% on reading. I have decided I need to do that so I can get everyone reading. For some strange reason i feel like a failure if I don't get my kids reading fast enough.
My oldest is making huge strides, he is reading like a champ suddenly. And then Jonah well he is stubborn, he is learning though.lol
My church probley thinks I fell off the face of the earth, lately I have been sleeping in way to in to make it to church where we go, and there is an evening service down the street so we have been going there.lol It is funny because it is a more pregressive teen style mass. And we normal go to Latin mass so we are litterally going from one extreme to the other.lol But church is church as long as I make it and we get communion that is the most important part. I am so thankful to have an alternative if I sleep in.lol
And the pool the pool we are currently living at the pool. Or atleast dh and the kids are. I on the other hand feel HUGE and wore out most fo the time. I only have 10 more weeks then I will have a little wee one I can;t wait. But honestly somedays I wish Ididn't have to feel so pregnant.lol I am quickly running out of room, so I can't eat, I am hot and I am nautious most of the time.lol Soon nesting will kick in and I will have tons and tons of energy again and I will be able to run around with my crazy family. instead of being bored at home doing a crossstitch. The same crossstitch I have been doing for 2 years now.lol
I got a sewing machine for my birthday, so soon I will be posting all the cute wonderful things I have been making for the kids and I. I hope, fingers crossed.
I have also beenthinking about moving. I want to move to the OCEAN! So anyone know of any cool wonderful places that aren't a fortune to live at by the sea, yell.
Jul. 14, 2008 - poelm
You can raise a crop of babies on almost any land;
In fact, you need a little grit, and just a little sand.
And lots of love and laughter, to make them grow up strong,
Yet folks with lots of babies somehow seem to get along.
I don't say they are useful, quite, as cars and pigs and such,
But they're a grand crop in themselves, and worth ten times as much.
So don't forget the babies when you're planning for your farm -
A few about you underfoot won't do a bit of harm.
And when your hair is growing gray and years are growing long,
Your heart, instead of drying up, will hold a merry song,
For babies have a way with them of growing strong and tall
And make such dandy leaning posts as life's spring turns to fall!
Anonymous
Jul. 7, 2008 - Monday blogging
Jul. 3, 2008 - another post on subbmission
I am so glad I got a wonderful comment on this subject.
I saw yet another wife have a weird comment on subbmission somewhere. she said you should sumbmit to your husband as you would the Lord. WHAT! Ok one you should submit to the Lord above everything and anyone. People People what bible are you reading? Nowhere does God say to do that. Her infact says he is a jealous God and you should not have any Gods above him. Secondly who in the Bible does that? Seriously name one time someone sinned and it was OK because there husband told them to?
I can think of several times a husband sinned because he didn't listen to his wife. Like Pontius Pilate who's wife Said not to crucify him because of a dream. People seriously need to quit reading books on submission and forgetting to read the bible. And do a real bible study on the Women of the bible. They where not quiet little women, the bible is filled with Strong Women. And Women can Prophesy's I am sick of hearing that too. Over and Over again in the Bible God goes to both Men and Women. He talks to us both! Not sex over the other. This does not mean a Women is a Man, WE are very diffrent and need to remember that. But being diffrent doesn't mean we are less. Look at Mary, and Mary Magdelon, Look at Mary and Martha, Look at Anna.
We have a few stories where women mess up and we are supposed to take that we are to be quiet and blindly follow our husbands because they are smarter, and I am thinking as I hear this, what about all teh stories in which Men mess up? Does this make sense? Quit picking up these books of garbage and also quit listening to Women who need to pick up a Bible. Read your Bible! Nothing beats what is in a Bible. Listen to these Bible Studies you are doing with the Children and think.
I will never sin because my husband told me too. And most of the books I have read say DO NOT SIN! So it isn't the books, I have no idea where people come up with some comments I hear. Your husband is not God and trust me he probley doesn't want that resposibility. And he is not perfect. He is human. And he wants you to talk with him, listen to him and to stick up for yourself. Every since I have started saying no, or asking for help and also ignoring his comments. My marriage has transformed! It has turned from a bitter housewife and a husband who has not idea what to do to fix things. To a home where we both have a say, I have help, and we are on the same level. My kids are even changing for the better.
Jul. 1, 2008 - 'warning controversial blog on motherhood
I am sure many of my friends will be upset about this blog. I am not to worried about it though. I am going to just say what has been on my heart lately. Which may sound feministic but I don't care.lol I am not a huge feminist either so this is weird.
I have been very very upset with my husband lately, and I am realizing I am the one who pathed alot of my own undoing. He is doing alot now to turn this around. ALOT! Now he is home but I need to say something about it. Not about my husband but about what happened. I was BRAINWASHED by alot of crazy talk by alot of friends and people online, about submission. To the point I was ruining myself my marriage and my own happiness trying to do EVERYTHING. And I am an IDIOT for letting it happen.
It started when I got pregnant with Clay, I was pregnant unmarried and told my DH, I said I am pregnant but if you don't want to stick around that is OK, I can do this. OK WAIT! HOLD UP! Society taught me this, a girl gets pregnant it is her fault and she should not trap the man. PTL my husband is a stand up man who said oh no, I am staying right here and helping. Next we had the baby, he was not holding him much, why well 1 I hogged him and 2, he was scared. Well so was I, who is not nervous about holding a newborn, there first newborn but instead of saying get over it, I held the baby, and thought it was cute. Next my DH didn't want to change diapers. WHO wants to change diapers? Instead of saying to bad, I changed EVERY diaper, because he was a man, and it was how it was supposed to be. My DH didn't change hardly any diapers the first 3 kids we had. Because I just did it, he didn't have to. now if I was in a situation where I could get out of diaper changing especially the poopy ones I probably would to. But I just thought it was cute. It isn't cute. Scott now changed diapers.
Next he didn't cook or do laundry because he worked and how dare he not come home to a spotless house, clean clothes, and a hot meal. Never mind the fact I was working all day also. I did this to pay for the fact I was a SAHM. Being a SAHM did not mean I was a slave, it met I was staying home to take care of the babies, but I spent majority of my time cleaning the house and cooking. I was an idiot like I said. I now know better.lol
And lastly I did all of this, to myself. When Scott started staying home with me I was FURIOUS at him for not helping out around the house, but being this little submissive doormat and doing it all, but mad underneath it all. And it was silly. I did it. I am the one who decided I could do it all on my own, because doing it all meant I was a good wife. That is WRONG! Being a good wife means asking for him, and not losing pride for asking. and admitting you can't do it all. Being a help-meet to your husband doesn't mean being his slave but helping him and also helping by not allowing him to miss out on the important aspects of fatherhood and being a husband.
Yes when your husband works you are going to have to do much more around the house,but on the weekends, why should you cater and let him lay around? I did and now he is home I realize all he missed out on. Being a father doesn't mean only getting to do the fun stuff. Fatherhood, involves dirty dishes, dirty clothes, diapers, reading and teaching children, and cleaning the mess. We mothers also have a very long work week. I know so many mothers who are EXHAUSTED on Monday from doing this. NOWHERE in the Bible does it say be a slave to your husband and do everything he says. This is the words of people outside of the bible. Before you go preaching maybe some of these women should do an intense bible study on the Women of the Bible. Mary did not go to Joseph and ask his permission.lol She told him what was up and then an Angel came and reassured him. Abigail didn't just sit and await her fate for her husbands stupidity she went to King David and said my husband is a fool and asked forgiveness from him, with out her husbands permission, infact against her husbands wishes. God didn't make us blind idiots, he made us with Brains for a reason. And many many many times Women are treated wonderfully in the Bible. Yet so many people try to say we should be silently slaves who just obey and if we aren't we are not following the bible. Now I think a husband is the head of the family, I think a woman should stay home with their kids. But we also have a voice and we need to use it and not allow this attitude to turn us into bitter women, and make our husbands LOSE out on so many important things in our lives.
So you don't have to do every dish, every load of laundry, change every diaper, feed every baby, etc to be a good wife. That is just ridiculous. You just have to be you. And saying something, asking for help counting on your husband is not going to make you a bad mother or wife either. Infact it will do the opposite. I am learning the more I trust in my husband the more I ask for his help and lean on him. The more I say NO I can't do it all you are going to have to help the better Mother and Wife I am becoming and the better Father and husband my husband is becoming also.
But at the same time you must allow things to go the way he is going to do them, the laundry will not get folded the way you want it, the kids may not do what you had planned for school. But this is a GOOD thing! Your way is not the only way, or even the right way. Your husband is going to do it his way. And who cares, help is help!
And trust me I have a husband who is not a pushover OK honey whatever you say husband. He was a sergeant combat medic for the Calvary, he has absolute no problem saying exactly what he feels on any subject.
Jun. 11, 2008 - getting into the swing of things
Well this has been an interesting week, I really really need to get to recording my homeschooling again.lol
WE have been getting up early every morning and heading to daily mass. It is so wonderful to have everyone back in a routene, up for 8:00 mass and then going to mass initself is such a wonderful way to start the day, Praising the Lord, and getting communion.
DH has decided he is reorganizing the whole house. With out any help from me, at all! Instead of being upset I am enjoying, it, I have so wanted someone to figure out how do reorganize everything with the baby comming. We got here pregnant and moved in quickly because I was 6 months pregnant, then I had Savannah and I am pregnant again, so I just haven't gottent to it, and i have litterally wanted to move everything out and then remove it back in. So he is doing it, and I am loving it. Except my house is TRASHED at the moment.lol But in a couple of weeks it will be so wonderful!
And I got my library fines paid off so I can use the library again! WOOHOO! I owed them 50.00! My cd player in my car ate a 30.00 cd, then I got sick with a ton of books out of the library and got 10.00 in fines then we have to add the restocking fee on the lost cd and that is what happened. so forever now I have had ot go with out but I paid it and i have a library again! WOOHOO! I put a ton of books on hold for july, and june. All the saint books off of Catholic Mosaic. And then a bunch on the founding of our nation for the 4th of July, and we are going to do a rabbit trail on gardening, because we planted a garden and I saw it on another blog and thought, woohoo! i can cheat and copy hers.lol Thankyou Elizabeth.lol
I have also been greatly inspired by 2 blogs. 2 blogs that hit me over the head and showed me how much I need to get working on. One is http://www.homeschoolblogger.com/Dell/ I hit it on go to random blog and WOW! I love this blog I have been reading it like crazy. I need to say hi over there.lol But this Mom is amazing. And she does a basket of books like we did before I lost the library.lol
Second one is this one I think this is Elizabeth from real learning, but I am not sure, I just found it today and I am hooked. http://ebeth.typepad.com/
Funny how blogs can give you wonderful idea's and encourage you so much. I wonder how Mothers did it before the internet.
I have also been living at the Pool. OK it is not a pool we bought season passes to the amusment park in our area, and 1 is a water park and I have been living at the water park. Honestly I like it so much more than a pool, the kids can touch in 90% of it.lol And they have more life guards andreally strict and have lifejackets that you are required to wear in alot of the area's. Which makes my life easier.lol Oh and if I need a break we go to the waterslides adn the kids go up and down up and down and I sit on the bench clapping, because i don't think I can do the water slides preggo.lol
Jun. 7, 2008 - Questioning myself
I used to belong to this homeschool group. I nolonger DO. PTL, they really upset me and since I didn';t know hardly anyone on it, it should have been a big deal, but I am still really hurt.
So here is my blog on the whole thing. I went to a rosary ralley where I sat next to this really rude person who yelled at my kids and ruined the whole experience for me. So when they asked how everyone did, I told them what happened. The result.
I got a few very very rude emails, that told me I was a terrible Mother, and if I punished my kids more and dressed perfectly and dressed my kids better I would neber recieve a rude comment on my family size or anything. I was told I was a heritic and that I would be doomed to hell for commeting a Mortal Sin, bashing the church for saying something negative about a church function. SERIOUSLY, none of these people knew me at all, had never met me and didn't even know how many children I had or their ages.
I got coments about keeping house, and it kept going back to spank spank spank. Seriously people spanking your kids doesn't make them perfect they are still kids. And beating my kids surely isn't going to help.
So basicly if I dress my kids perfectly, carry a paddle at all times dress perfectly and keep a perfect house noone will ever make a comment about family size or ever be rude to me. WOW! Really, can I fall out of my seat in hystarical laughter? Because nothing I do will ever be good enough for everybody. Not because I am this terrible person that is just life, PERIOD, that is how life is. And any normal sane homeschooling Mom knows this, I mean spanking is a debate, imunizations, child birth, and even what type of bread you eat can cause issues with some moms.lol
But this was just rude. I am not used to being told I was going to burn in hell, but for some reason the week before I was told I was awful for using Charlotte Mason, a few months before that, I was told the websters dictionary should be burned and the weekend before my post I was told I was a mortal sinner because all my friends aren't Catholic and a good friend is Jewish.
So I left the group of nuts. Not all of them just to mnay for my taste.lol
but now I am letting these Crazy homeschoolers get to me, BIG time. AndI promise to make it stop now.
No mykids aren' perfect, and you know what I do not care. Because they are children and noone is perfect. But they aren't awful either.
Yes my kids are a bit hyper, one I have 3 boys 8, 5, and 3. And two they are HEALTHY! theyhave energy and like to explore and climb trees and be boys. I am proud of the fact my children have lots of energy and are healthy and even hypey and very smart. I would rather that than sickly quiet children who just sit there.
Nope my house is not perfect! Who's house is perfect? My laundry is normally caught up, dishes are normally all done. the beds get made most mornings and I do clean my home. My house does not look like it belongs in a magazine and I doubt it ever will and that is OK because it is a real house I live in adn can explore and I am to busy enjoying life to worry about decorating. And yes I amnot super organized WHO CARES! I don't.
nope my marriage isn't perfect, but it is mine, my dh and I do fight like cats and dogs at times, but you know what that is marriage, adn we are always together, when you live with someone and you are constantly together you are going to fight. And frankly it is noones buisness.
Yes my kids are mouthy. they don't cuss but they have no problem giving there opinion. And I am ok with that. If you don't like it it is a good thing they aren't your kids. I want to know what my kids think and feel adn why. they should be allowed to express themselves.
And yes sometimes I do something stupied, wow I am a humanbeing and once again this is ok, that is sort of the whole point of life, to learn and grow and not be perfect.
And yes there are times I have things on my shirt and my kids do to, wow we eat, it is amazing we actually cook prepare and eat food and real food that can be a little messy. And yes so does my baby who can wipe her food on me when she is done because there are times I miss some when wiping her down. This is because I wear and carry my babies most of the time. I guess if you live in a world of fastfood and processed foods you don't experience messes, because well french fries and hamburgers aren't messy, and if you don't wear your babies are carry them around all day, you don't get things rubbed on your shirt. And I stay home with my family everyday so I get messy being around kids all day.lol And frankly I have a very healthy happy loving baby and I am very attached to her and would rather have a dirty shirt and a Savannah than be dressed to the nines and no savannah.
So because I am a natural mother and spend lots of time with my kids, I am human, my kids are human intelligent and healthy and we are on a good diet, that makes me a bad mom?lol Because I don't go to the club with my girlfriends and have a night off I am weird and don't wear designer clothes I am also a bad mom.
SERIOUSLY I think I am the good mom! my sloppy clothes, messy home on a normal day, my sloppy kids, and the fact I am not perfect makes me the best mom in the whole wide world. And if you don't like me, well so what. I am not that worried about it, I didn't worry about it when I was a kid or a teen why would I be freaked now?
And frankly my kids look nice when the time calls for it, we are not sloppy for church, or family pictures or events with lots of people. I try to keep everyone clean and neat. But well they are kids and I am human. I guess I could be like society and work to buy the designer clothes, have my kids in daycare and have a nanny.
The worst part of the whole ordeal 2 of the very rude comments came from homeschoolers that have a nanny both parents workfull time and they live in a minimansion and have a cleaning lady. And I got to thinking if I was rich, with a cleaning lady, nanny my house would be spotless 24-7 also and my kids would be dressed perfectly because I could afford it. But considering I am normal, in a tiny home and we can't afford new clothes constantly.lol YEP not going to happen.lol
I mean a nanny alone but then I would be having someone else raise my kids and I would not be experiencing all I do everyday. NOPE not for me.lol
And even if I could afford it I doubt I would ever buy designer clothes. They are just not me. I am a jeans and tanktop type of girl.lol
Jun. 7, 2008 - Busy Busy Week!
Well this week has been cub scout day camp so Clay and scott have gone everyday. I miss them but am enjoying a little break with only 3 kids. Yesterday we took off adn went to see Dinosaurs Alive. It was so so neat! my camera was DEAD so we didn't get ANY PICS.
but we had a blast. It is a live show where the dinosaurs are lifelike and look REAL and run around on stage. Really really neat. Then we left and went to the waterpark by our house. We have been living there, we have season passes. This time we mainly stayed in a pool area and chilled, ok didn't chill so much but anyways it was fun. Savannah LOVES the water. she tries to drink it all. Clay finnally got to do the waterslides. School starts on Monday adn we are doing more of a CM approach in the way we do school, I want it all done by noon! no joke everyday so we can go out and do alot of unschooling. I need a new planner on how I record also I am going to start recording more liek unschoolers do than what I have been doing.
But with Clay'sl learning issues I am not sure if we can unschool reading and writing. he has dyxlexia pretty bad so this is going to be a subject we have to push him in. Scott is taking over though, considering Scott also has dylexia.lol As for math the boy LOVES math so that is a toughone, he wants begs to do that, science, and everything else everyday.lol
Jonah though I am not so worred about the boy is ready to READ! He has been for a while it is just well he is just starting kindergarten so I am not going to feel guilty.
Now Adam he isn't ready for anything but having fun.lol
Jun. 5, 2008 - I also found this
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d9kH4Mlx1HY
WOW!!!! This is so beutiful and so sweet. I am showing the boys this tonight. This is something every pregnant woman should watch, it is just so innocent and sweet and loving.
Jun. 5, 2008 - WOW!
Yesterday I was reading for the Childrens Sake which is one of my favorite books. And I was reading one of the most important thing Charlotte Mason teaches Children are people. They are smart and thinkers and individuals and should be treated as people and not less inferior beings on the Earth. They don't need dumbed down books or twaddle. And they understand more than we will ever realize.
Then this morning I saw this.... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zCdZwitrNoY&feature=user
WOW! All I have to say is WOW! This child gets it, he gets something I myself have trouble grasping. This child in this call is exactly why I have chosen to homeschool why I try so hard. I want my kids to get it. Get why get how. And this childs voice is just so honest.
When people try to kick the kids out of church, or give them glaires for being kids. Remember they are actually listening and they are learning.
And you know what if you listen to a Child I bet you will learn things no adult could ever teach. Like when Clay left confession and said wow my soul is as white as snow. Or this child. Or when Jonah said God is the most beutiful thing EVER, I mean look at this world, he made THAT!
Yep maybe children should be teaching us a thing or two and not the other way around.
May. 8, 2008 - pics from the nature walk
May. 8, 2008 - Nice Day
Today was a nice day, I went to a huge Garage sale at the Vet hall thing and got a crib! I am so excited. Then I went to the herb store and got some herbs I wanted and then I found out my oils will be here tommorrow. I am starting to feel like me again! Now if only I could find my diapers in my garage and start using them again! I would feel like Lori. Oh and get my clothes line up and oh oh oh my GARDEN in. My dh adn me are just opposites, he doesn't see the beuty of hanging clothes, cloth diapers and herbs. But this is me how I am and what makes me happy. NOTHING is kewler than hanging cloth diapers on the line.lol NOTHING! So anyways that is my goal for the week, garden, not a huge one, because we want to move but some tomato plants in a pot would make my summer. And then hanging the clothes line up and of course getting my maternity and diapers out of storage.lol
It is spring and it is making me feel ALIVE! Getting out in the sun and wearing shorts. I am so happy the snow is gone!
Here is a pic of the kids on their bikes.
May. 7, 2008 - Frustrated very frustrated
I am probley going about this the wrong way but I need to get this out of my head and onto a piece of paper or I am going to explode. Funny that is how we writers are, we have emotions so much strong uncontrolable emotions yet we need to get them out, out or we can't stand it. And it has to be written, I don't think many of us can verbally express what we need or maybe we just don't have anyone who wants to listen.lol
Anyways me I am frustrated at this moment. Severly upset and frustrated at my husband, and you know what he doesn't care so I am in the later part, noone to listen. I hate going to friends or family so I just am going to write this out and see what comes pooring out of my brainstorm. I am going to put this on my blog, so that if anyone is going or has been through this they will know they are not alone, because frankly right now at this moment I feel alone.
My husband and I married when I was 21, we had one child together already. Then after we where married child number 2 came, now for those of you who say WAIT, we where living together when I got pregnant with my first, in a very comited relationship and talking of marriage but I didn't believe in marriage at all, my parents had just broken up and I thought marriage was a usless stupied institution and refused to enter into it, I didn't need to go to the goverment to have them say I was going to stay with this person forever, because I already knew that. We where in a monogomous relationship. Was I right? UHM no and yes, do we need a goverment to tell me I am married, well no, DUH, but I feel that as a Catholic we do need the Sacrament of Marriage so we have Gods graces in teh marriage. Anyways now back to my issues.
then we go pregnant with baby number 2, then after he was born dh joined the Army and left for almost a whole year. Then we moved to GA our time in GA before Iraq was probley the best time in our whole marriage, we where happy and in harmony and had no family around. WE where just in a good spot, period, and we loved it there, now if you asked me when I lived in GA I would have said, Ga is awfulit is hot and I live on base, bla bla bla but things change when looking back on them.
So during all this I was raising our boys well now we where having number 3, and my dh was a normal husband, he went to work came home ate and went to bed. He was working many many hours so the kids where my domain along with the home.
Then he left for Iraq and everything was my Domain, the house the kids, everything because well the man was at war, for 18 months!
Then he came home and was worked even harder and it was still all up to me. I single handled moved us yet again back to ga, fixed up the junkiest trailer known to man and did my part.
He got out of the Army and got a job here and well still my Domain, the kids and the house. No help no questioning Nothing. If you asked my husband how to start a load of laundry in my home he would have looked at you with a blank look and probley said, Laundry? He jsut was a normal husband working and not having time and paying attention and frankly I wasn't worried and didn't care I was a normal wife, doing her duty.
Well now my dh is home fulltime it started in December, he was injured in Iraq and can't work and it took about a year for the disability to go through. And suddenly I have this being in my DOMAIN, telling me how to do it and what I am doing wrong and the worst part of all, Thinking he can do a much better job than me!
Now lets be honest I am up to child 4, and I am pregnant and tired, I would lke him to help, but my dh isn't one to be able to work with others. It is his way or no way. And he is completly in charge and I stay out of the way read his mind adn do what he wants before he speaks or well he isn't happy. SOOOO, I get the subbmissive wife talk bla bla bla. WEll have you read corithians 31, well her husband was at the city gate not hanging around saying I can sew better than you, you are doing an awful job, I don't like what you cook change it on and on.
So then I wonder ok maybe I am being hormonal or something, so I go talk to my husband, and I say this is how I feel. So he says, listen the kids are terrible you can't get them out of control so I think it would be best if you left for a few weeks and let me take over get this house undercontrol adn then you can comeback and take over. OK I AM NOT NUTS, he really doesn't care how I am and WAIT, my kids aren't out of CONTROL! TRUST ME! I know out of control kids, mine have no routene at the moment because ever since my DH came home he has decided to change everything, not fix it just say my way doesn't work adn work against me to make me fail but not allow a routene to go inplace or me to make a new one. But no they are not out of control. And my house is CLEAN, and also not out of control, no mounds of dirty dishes or clothes everywhere. In my opinion I have and am doing a good job, but not to him, the man who for the first time since those children where born decided hey I think I can be a part of their lives. I am so MAD at him at the moment it isn't funny. So then we have the well he has TBI and PTSD, so now I am supposed to fiure out how that works. I am sorry but for the last year and a half or frankly my whole marriage it has been what he wants when he wants it and leaving me behind to pick up all the pieces and I am sick of it. I was against him joining the Army in the 1st place, but I did it anyways, and did my best, I wasn't excited about teh moves but I sucked it up and did it. I will put up with alot but for anyone to come in and decide they don't think I am a good mother and they can do a better job to my children, the ones I raised alone while he decided to go off and save the world, in his midlife crisis of joining the army at the age of 30, How dare he. I never have gotten a thankyou or I apprecitate you or anything. NOTHING, he doesn't even hug me and say wow you are beutiful or anything, it is just criticism. And I am about to take him up leave for a whole week and see how he survives it, but I can't do that to the kids. I would be leaving out of meaness and anger, and that isn't right. I know this will take time, and everyone keeps saying go find a hobby or something get out of the house, but you know what I LIKE BEING HOME! I love my kids and being a mom and dirty fingers and snotty kisses and kissing booboo's and the cauos of a large family. I enjoy it so much that I don't want to leave. And my opinion is if my husband hates it so much, hates the sound of children playing or talking or giggling or climbing trees, he should leave, because that is their problem. I like the life of a large family. I didn't con him into children. He is a cradle Catholic and if his PTSD makes it so he can't handle this then he needs ot go et him a little apartment somewhere and leave me alone. Because I am happy the kids are happy, and this is our life. I have kids, no they aren't perfect but I can go to a resturant alone with all 4 and eat a meal. I can take the to walmart by myself and the grocerystore and even shoe shopping. so no they aren't out of control. There things I don't like to do with my kids but that is because I don't like crowds and crowded places and places where people just let there kids run free.
Now I am an attached mother also, I treat my kids like people because I know they are little people, they aren't annoying creatures who should never be heard, they are little people. I wear my babies in a sling and I go out back adn play with my kids, we read together and run around and do all that fun stuff. But now my husband is home he wants all my attention ALL OF IT and if he doesn't get it he acts like a little child. I was on the phone with the church today and what does he do start throwing a fit, Lori we need to talk now, i need this bla bla bla, I whisper I am on the phone so what call them back. Now I am rarely on the phone, my cell had logged in 400 min last month that is my house phone and I believe only 150 min where not with my husband. I am not in any clubs and I rarely go out. I don't have alot of friends. so the man is not starved for attention, he jsut couldn't handle I was talking to another person. This wasn't even a deep long conversation it was simply someone calling to see if I could bring something to church tommorrow but my husband had a fit a flat out fit and I left, I was so mad. I know it is the TBI or whatever, but come on. He treats the children like things that get in the way of him getting my undivided attention. And I am sick of it, they are my children, and they are little children and you know what even if I didn't have children I wouldn't be at home all day surrounding my self with him. And that is how they are out of control, how dare I play with them or go out or read or the worst TALK to my children. He gets upset if I ask them a quesiton! WHAT! if I say how was your day and they respond he then starts to say don't ask them questions at all, you tell them what you want. I want ot have a conversation with my child I want to sit for a min and say hey how are you. REally you like dinosaurs kewl,
I do too, I need to be able to enjoy mother hood and frankly I feel ROBBED! I have a but a few years to run play tickle and goof off with my kids, and noone on this planet is going to interfere with that ANYMORE!
I get CTBHHM thrown in my face all the time and let me say Debbie Pearl adn her husband play and enjoy their children adn enjoy life., And I used to until recently and today I am taking a stand either he gets out of the way and lets me be the Mother or person I am or he can go. Because I hate, I mean HATE the person he is trying to change me into. I don't wear heels I don't do my hair and makeup, I never have! I wear hippie skirts climb trees do natural meds, and run around outside with out shoes on and I believe life is to short to be uptight and irritating. I like to go to the citymarket and eat natural foods nad you know what I hangout with the weird hippie people that scare my husband and he laughs at. Any until recently So did he, I go on nature hikes adn to the zoo and I camp. This is who I am and who I have ALWAYS been. Nothing new! I used to have hot pink hair and I miss it so much! I have a tatoo, adn if I see a tree I think hmm I wonder how long it would take me to scale that. I love the ocean adn I think freeze tag is the kewlest game EVER! And so does my best friend who used to be scotts best friend and how he once dated, and so did my husband. We used to play games and have fun adn just let things go. And have friends over and BBQ's and we hung out with people who loved us for who we where. Adn I know TBI changed personality but frankly who he changed into is not a man i would have even talked to.
Then man I fell inlove with decided to played pool. raced cars and was a very messy person. Who enjoyed life on the weekends and thought snowball fights where a blast and now if I even mention sledding he would have a COW! Well if wants to be an old man more power to him but I am 28 and I am refusing to turn into a boring bitter old person. he needs to get over himself and realize life is not that serious! The man needs to learn to have fun!
And this is from the person who has and always will be the one doing majority of the cleaning balancing the checkbook and paying the bills. There is a time and a place, but well I think if he doesn't lighten up a stroke is in the near future for him
.
May. 3, 2008 - Nature walk
WE went on a beutiful nature walk this week. It was so much fun and amazing. WE walked 4 miles so it was also hard work. But the kids had a blast and saw so much. We saw baby frogs, not tadpoles justtiny frogs, we saw waterfalls, and flowers and everything . We even saw 3 deer! They crossed infront of us on the path and then stopped locking at us.
It was so much fun and neat. Very tiring though. I am so sunburnt.lol
Well off to go play.
Apr. 25, 2008 - Lost
This weekend my beloved has taken off for a funeral. Leaving me alone with all the children. And though he has only been gone for about 4 hours I am so lost. Which I guess is so silly but I miss talking to him and such. Now he stays home I normally have him around me all day and we visit and tlak adn chat and do things as a team so I feel like half of my team is gone. And so I am using this time this break to catchup on things I have been lacking on. One of which is this blog.lol I ahve been reading it and rediscovering who I was and my feelings, like when you look back in a photobook sort of or read an old diary and remember how you felt at certain moments in your life. Which has been wonderful.
I am also so ready for summer to begin, most of my most fondest moments are made in the summer. Laying aorund in a swimsuit enjoys the water, and the picnics and the sprinklers. You know all summer has to offer. I can't wait to start camping and to pick berries and this year even though we plan on moving I think I am going to go ahead and plan my garden, a very very small one in pots so I can move it with me.
i ahve also been thinking about what I want in a house when we move which sounds so silly and probley is.lol But so much has happened in the last year I think moving to a new house to show a fresh start is a move in the right direction, plus having 5 kids in a 1 bathroom 900 sq ft house sounds very interesting to me.lol
As for school today Clay graduated from second grade jonah graduated from preschool and Adam got an award because he starts preschool in a month! WOOHOOO!!! i ahve also ordered everything for next year except a few work books I will be picking up so I am awaiting the arival of all my packages!!!! WOOHOO!!! This is one of my favorite events of the whole year. It is like Christmas for Mommy!
Apr. 22, 2008 - Wow
I forgot all about my blog here. It has been forever. Well lets see updates. I had a baby, a little girl, Savannah she just turned 1. i moved back home. I am still homeschooling but the boys are not 8, 5, and 1. And we are out of the Army, Oh and I am pregnant with baby number 5 due in october.
So alot has changed around here. I still homeschool using Mater Ambilis instead of Ambleside now, it is more Catholic and well I have been hanging on to the crazy world of life.
Nov. 25, 2006 - huge updates
I haven't been on here in forever. My computer died. Then I moved back to Kansas city. Then we told everyone we are having baby number 4 in march. Then we got another computer and it died. Then we went To oklahoma for a week, then we unpacked and moved in. Next we got another computer, and guess what I am back online.lol And that is pretty much a very short version of my update.lol
So, I hope everyone is doing great out there. We are doing great, I am home, which is so wonderful! And we are rediscovering the City. I am 23 weeks pregnant, which is fun, and trying to keep up with school so we can take a much needed break before the baby gets here. Scott is looking for a Job so we are spending lots of time together as a family, luckly we had some savings saved when we got here, so we are handling the being unemployed thing ok.lol
I plan on posting often again now that I hjave a home and computer set up.lol ALmost.lol
Lori
Jun. 29, 2006 - my routene
In trying to make a staible home for my children in a very unstable enviroment, I have failed. I try adn try but I can't keep up with one. So I have decided to make a very very simple one.lol
6:30 get up
6:50 breakfast
7:15 get everyone dressed
8:00 clean the house
9:00 start school
12:30 lunch
4:00 snack
6:00 dinner
8:00 baths
8:30 bedtime
I based it off what most regular school kids have, unlike them homeschoolers or atleast I have a hard time making a routene I don't have to have the kids ready to be somewhere the same time everyday, early in the morning. So we are staying up late and getting carried away and have no routene what so ever. So I set it up according to what alot of people who send there kids to school do, they have to catch the bus at 8:00am and they get home and have a snack.lol And they go to bed around 8:30am. So I doing a basic one, but hopefully I have enough freetime to have fun and do things in it. I am going to try to turn into one of those moms, who say, no we can't we have school and no that is to late w have a bedtime, like normal moms in the world.lol Wish me luck and pray we can keep up with it. I guess now I need to wear a watch and actually know the time.lol
Lori
Jun. 28, 2006 - my mothering type
Your type is: isfj The Tender Loving Care Mother
I want my children to feel they have an ally, someone who knows them completely. I want to be a haven for them.
- Gentle and kind, the ISFJ mother provides her children with generous amounts of tenderness, affection, and the comfort of daily routine. Her aim is to be there for her children, physically and emotionally. She is sensitive to their feelings, offering closeness, understanding, and quiet support.
- Loyal and devoted, the ISFJ mother has a strong sense of duty and consistently puts her childrens needs first. She delights in taking care of the little things that matter to a child, making each one feel loved and special.
- To provide her family with security and warmth, the ISFJ mother tends to the practical and domestic, aiming for a smooth-running household and an attractive home. She also observes and conveys the value and importance of family traditions.
Jun. 28, 2006 - Busy Dental week!
It has been a busy dentla week, Scott had his wisdom teeth taken out, it is awful! He is so swollen adn feels awful, please say some prayers for him, we looked at the teeth today and they where in peices meaning they had to shater them to get them out, also there was flakes of bone ouch!!!!
Then today all teh boys had an appointment! No cavities! Adam freaked, he didn't like it at all. But the otehr 2 where wonderful. So we went to chic fillet to celebrate and I let the kids run in the play area a few hours. I have been really missing our huge yard in KC lately, the house doesn't really have a yard.lol So I can't just send the kids out, we are in the woods.lol But back home we have a massive home.lol I am going to make a point to go to the park and to the beach more often for them. We also did the park last night. Adn during the wait at the dentist and then in chickfillet we got alot of reading done. I just throw a book in my purse and read where we are and then the CD of music also helps big time.
I think the guy setting next to us eating his lunch also enjoyed the story, he was alone and I was reading and he sat there listening, in his booth after he finish eating then when I put down the book he left.lol I was glad he also got to enjoy the story, I know it sucks to eat alone. And another couple said how neat. I am going to bring books to more resturants it kept the kids quiet while they waited for everyone to finish eating.lol
It also is wonderful to have in waiting rooms!
Lori
