Keeper Of the Home
• Aug. 29, 2008 - Wonderful Tea Bundles Giveaway!
Christina over at hskubes is having a tea-related giveaway. She has put together three different tea giveaway bundles. Go and enter at http://hskubes.blogspot.com/2008/08/fall-back-into-homeschool-giveaway.html.
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• Aug. 29, 2008 - Looking Up...
I am trying so hard to look up this weekend instead of letting myself get down about not seeing my children this weekend. I know they will be having fun...and seeing their other grandparents, so I am not worried about their missing me. I can still pray for them, and get busy with other things this weekend. I have to be out of this house by the end of September, so I really need to start packing AGAIN...as well as actually finding a CHEAP apartment. Please pray that the Lord will work my housing situation out. So, I am going to spend my weekend organizing, cleaning out and packing...and lots of PRAYING! BTW, Micheal and I are doing great...many of you had asked about us. He is sick today...please pray that he would feel better. Have a wonderful weekend ladies! |
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• Aug. 27, 2008 - Missing My Children
I just found out that I won't get to see my little ones this weekend. My ex has "plans" .....not like he has had them all week or anything. He gets to see them everyday and I get them 2 hours a week. Sorry, I am just aggravated..and I really miss them. It's hard enough waiting an entire week. However, I do get to eat breakfast with my son David in the morning. Just pray that I could get through the next week without seeing my other 2 little ones. |
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• Aug. 26, 2008 - Wordless Wednesday......
• Aug. 26, 2008 - Simple Woman's Daybook
For Today...I am just so thankful to have a job that I love!
Outside my Window...you can hear the chirping of the crickets, bats flying low though the air, and the sweet sound of rain on my tin roof!
I am thinking...of just how much I have to do tomorrow...appt. at 9am, then to work by 10:30am, work until 5, and then go and wash clothes...will be a long day.
From the learning rooms...though I am no longer able to homeschool my children, no one says that I have to quit learning. I ordered some books awhile back..2 from Beverly Lewis, One max Lucado-3:16, and Walking with the God who cares.
I am thankful for...My oldest son Jon...he has created a bright spot in our home and gives me the will to keep on...also thankful for close frinds.
From the kitchen...just took out a batch of dried cherry scones to have in the morning for breakfast...they are so YUMMY!
I am wearing...a short babydoll nightgown
I am reading...in my Bible...Psalm 139, and Revelation 1-2
I am hoping...to see my three older children this weekend
I am creating...a soft and cuddly baby blanket for my son for his birthday, which will have embroidered on it..."Mommy Loves Daniel!"
I am hearing...rain tapping on my tin roof
Around the house...have lit numerous candles...and turned off all the lights..creates such a peaceful atmosphere
One of my favorite things...is White Tea and Ginger Body lotion from Bath & Bodyworks...I love to smell good!
A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week...Not any major plans...just working and finally getting around to doing some laundry.
Here is a picture thought I am sharing with you...
 I took my little ones to the park on Sunday and I think we pushed them in the swing for an hour straight! It was wonderful to spend some time with them! Have a wonderful rest of the week everyone!
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• Aug. 22, 2008 - A "New to Me" Shirt
 The Lord never ceases to amaze me at the extent He will go to provide a need for me. As you all know, I just got a new job here in town as a waitress, which is going great and I really like it. I have to wear black pants, short-sleeve shirt and shoes to work. And a black apron. (Hey, it does make me look thinner  ) I really needed another black shirt to rotate with, so I went to a goodwill store. I had in my mind what I would LIKE to find....a plain black v-neck with short sleeves. Would you believe the very first shirt I saw was just that, and IN MY SIZE, AND looks BRAND NEW! So, I got it for FREE! It really is mind-blowing to know that He even cares about the little things in our life. I just had to smile and send up a silent thank you when i found this shirt. What a blessing! |
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• Aug. 22, 2008 - This Sunday...
 This Sunday is special because it will be the first Sunday I will have been able to take my 3 littlest ones to church with me. Their father doesn't take them at all, so they haven't been in over 5 months.I try while they are here to talk about Jesus and read children's devotionals to them, but I know that isn't enough. My son David has already given his heart to Jesus. Please pray for my other 2 little ones, they are Daniel(4) and Rose(3). Pray they would come to a saving knowledge of Jesus Christ, whenever that might be. I always look forward to Sundays with my little ones. After church this Sunday, we are going to have a picnic lunch at the park...right across from my house. They LOVE the park! Our financial situation is still pretty tough right now...please pray that the Lord would provide for all of our needs and that I can not worry about it and just trust Him. Have a wonderful weekend ladies! |
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• Aug. 20, 2008 - Making Bread....
My son and I have been going through a really tough financial time here lately. I had to go for the first time to a food box distribution center just to get some food for our home. At first I thought it would be humiliating, but seeing the kindness of the women who worked there, I decided to feel grateful that the Lord had provided for us once again. I have been trying as much as possible to make everything from scratch and to make things last for several meals. I have also wanted to start making my own bread again. The only thing is I don't have any yeast right now, and can't get any for a week and a half, So, here's my question ladies...does anyone know how to make Whole wheat bread without using any yeast? Or even a yeast substitute. Any ideas anyone??? |
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• Aug. 19, 2008 - Home For Me...
 Well just as sure as things start falling apart, then the Lord starts to re-work them out. I am getting ready to lose the house I am in because the owners are raising the rent from $500.00/month to $750.00/month. Way more than I can afford. I had applied several months ago for help with public housing here in the town that I live. They called me today and said that they could probably have us in a 2 bedroom apartment in another week. While the thought of moving again doesn't thrill me, just knowing that He has worked all of this out is mind-blowing to me. The owners had told me that I would have to begin paying the new price October 1, but Tennessee law states that if a single parent has any dependant children, then by LAW I have 90 days to be out as well as keeping the rent the same as when we first signed the lease. So, I will be losing my pretty little house, but I have decided that any place I live can be a home..if you choose to make it one! And that is not all of the Lord's work today...I had a job interview this afternoon..and the owner hired me on the spot. It is a small italian restaurant 1 minute from my house. It is called Primos. I can make a little more money per month working less hours than I am now, and no night shift! So those are my blessings from God today! Just had to share! |
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• Aug. 18, 2008 - Here We Go Again
 Oh well, just when everything seems to be coming together...it all falls apart...people who you thought were your friends..started acting like the others who judged me all along. Micheal and i are ok. Everything else is just going. I am sitting here alone tonight and wishing someone...anyone, a friend would just show up. The old part of me is showing itself tonight and it scares me. |
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• Aug. 14, 2008 - Feeling Stronger...More Like the Woman God meant me to be Everyday!
• Aug. 8, 2008 - Surrounded By Friends
Thank you so much to everyone who has left me such sweet comments. God has truly provided me with a whole network of christian friends both online and off who are there for me anytime I need to talk. I have a prayer request..my soon to be ex husband is refusing to let me talk to our children on the phone....that's hard esecially since I promised to call them everyday before they went to bed. Pray that the Lord could work in his heart to allow me to talk to them, also pray for his salvation...though we are getting a divorce I still care about him deeply, but I have now been able to move on with my life. |
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• Aug. 1, 2008 - Just Saying Hello...And I'm OK Now....
| Thank you so much to everybody who has left me a comment in the last two weeks. I didn't get any of them until today, and I just wanted to say thank you for all the prayers and blessings of hope. I have spent the last two weeks in a psychiatric hospital here. It really helped and I feel much better and able to cope. The Lord even arranged it for me to meet a christian friend named Crystal...On Sunday last week, we told everyone that from 8 to 9pm...we had the TV....so we could watch Charles Stanley. We spent most of our time talking about spiritual things, and amazingly, her situation was almost exactly the same as mine...I just have to give God all the thanks for that....and I have made a friend for life now. Just wanted to say hello, and I am OK .....thank you! |
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• Jul. 19, 2008 - Trying To Pick Up The Pieces....
| Well, I went to see my husband again tonight. I know, most of you think I am crazy, but I had to work the last two nights and I just really NEEDED to see him. Being able to see him and be near him is what keeps me going while I am at work. Going for 3 straight nights away from him makes me almost crazy...I miss him so much! So, after working a 16 hour shift, and then sleeping ALL day long, I got up and made some no-bake cookies for him and our children. I waited until after 9:30pm to leave. I have to wait until the children are asleep because he will get upset if they are awake and see me at their house...which used to be my house. Last week, when I went, my four year old Daniel saw me outside and got his daddy to look...he saw me, and I literally had to beg him to let me say good night to Daniel. Daniel wanted me to come inside with him...how could I explain that I wasn't allowed to anymore. Out of all my children, Daniel is my HEART! I gave him a big hug and told him that I loved him....that was sooo hard. You can't imagine how much I miss being able to hold him whenever I want. So, anyway, back to tonight...he was relatively happy to see me. I can usually tell by the look on his face if he is in a good mood or not...and tonight, he was in a pretty good mood. I gave him my love offering....the cookies...hopefully he will tell the children they are from me. We went to his workshop and he worked on a server while I updated my resume'. We talked about lots of things. I told him how much I missed his family...they had become MY family...especailly his dad. I felt a connection to him, almost like having a real father that I could confide in again. I asked him why we couldn't try to work on our relationship....work on being a family again. I told him that I would really like to go back to college and finish my degree...that would only take 2 years, and then I could be a special ed. teacher. But he still won't even try...it's like he has already made up his mind....and nothing I can say or do can change that...and he still says that loving me is not relevant to our situation...I really just don't understand what this "situation" is that he is talking about and he won't even tell me. So, my evening ended in lots of tears...lots of heartache, and discouragement. He keeps telling me that I need to find a boyfriend....I DON'T want someone else. I am so tired of trying...I am just ready to give up...I have lost him, when /if we ever make it to court, I know I will lose the children....without a lawyer, I simply don't stand a chance, my own family won't even speak to me,....I basically have nothing left. |
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• Jul. 15, 2008 - Trying To Move On...
 
I feel like I really needed to address a comment someone left me recently. Basically they said that I have been posting too much negativity, and that I needed to take responsibility for my actions and "move on." I found that comment very hurtful and am really tired of trying to defend myself to everyone. They said that someone's husband and family don't just turn on them for no reason. That is true, I suppose. But in my situation, the reason we are getting a divorce is based on lots of things. No, I have not been a perfect wife...I have had lots of problems, and have managed in a few months time to get my life back together. It takes two to have problems in a marriage, and he has just as many, but has yet to deal with them himself. As far as my family goes, this has been an ongoing thing since the day I was born. According to my family, I have wasted my life by being a stay at home mother, and of course things were only worse because we homeschooled our children. Everyone in my family has something to do with the public school system. No one in my family sees me as someone who is successful...they go to church, only to talk about you behind your back...and they are petty about every little thing. This is the kind of family that I have...and I am now trying to distance myself from them. So, I am REALLY tired of trying to give my side of things. I have had several women suggest that I just get myself an attorney appointed to me....well, here in Tennessee, you can only have a court appointed attorney if you are a criminal needing defending...forget that I am trying to fight for my children. Criminals have more rights than I do. So, please, be kind when you comment...don't tell me to take responsibility for myself(I HAVE), don't tell me to just get over it(I AM TRYING MY BEST), and please don't judge my situation(I HAVE ENOUGH OF THAT ALREADY). This has all been really hard for me...I have been taken care of by someone since I was 18 and married the first time. I have always been a stay at home mom. This is all new to me and quite frankly, I don't really like it much. I just don't understand how a woman could want a career over raising her children. It breaks my heart everyday that my little ones are being raised by total strangers in a daycare. I already feel like such a failure, so I don't need anyone else reminding me of all the mistakes i have made. I honestly thought that my husband and I would be married forever. And yes, it is like I am grieving a death in my family...the death of OUR family. I am trying to move on as best I can, still trying to find a better job, which is really hard when you have only been at home the last 17 years. This is SOOO hard. And I do want to fight for my children in court, and i have researched doing a divorce on your own, but all that is still very difficult to do in a child custody case. It's hard enough with a lawyer. I am afraid of going in there not knowing what to do or say...or how to defend myself. I am so scared and so discouraged. I do appreciate those of you who have been praying for me...it has kept me going. |
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• Jul. 11, 2008 - Sadly, Our last Anniversary
Well, I am sure everyone is waiting for this update on how our anniversary went. I fixed my husband's favorite meal...Japanese Stir Fry, Sweet Carrots, and some Homemade Banana Bread. I also went and got a small chocolate cake from the grocery store and had them put "I Love You" on it. I tried to find him a single red rose, but had to get 2 roses with some other stuff in it....along with an anniversary card. I spent a long time getting ready...fixing my hair/make-up just the way he likes it. And of course, I used plenty of his favorite body spray...White tea and ginger by Bath & Bodyworks, So, I got there around 9pm....the children weren't asleep yet, so I had to wait out in my car until 9:30pm. I met him on the porch, and the first thing he said to me was "Why are you here?" "You need to go home." And then he saw all the food I had laying on the table and said "I already ate with the children." I was really hurt and couldn't believe how he was acting. He had agreed to us having dinner together for our anniversary on Monday night of this week. Finally after much pleading,he went inside and got two plates and forks. I wasn't given the pleasure of sitting inside at the kitchen table, instead we sat on the floor of his workshop(thankfully, I already had a blanket in my van to sit on) and ate dinner. He accusingly told me that everyone in his whole family and mine knew that I was there tonight...I haven't talked to anyone in mine or his family in weeks. The only person in the world I have talked to is my friend Jenny, and I really don't know why anyone would know or even care if I was there with my husband. So, anyway, he says that both our families are watching tonight with a "soap opera" interest. If everyone is so interested in our relationship, why don't they help???? Anyway, the evening was terrible. We tried talking about the child-custody case and going to court. He basically said that if I don't give in to what he wants, he will not see or have anything to do with me anymore. What he wants is full custody of the children with me getting them only 2 weekends a month. I told him that I want shared custody...that is EQUAL time with the children for both of us. The children need us both. I also told him that he has already taken away my family, my home, my children, he has turned everyone in my family against me, said things about me behind my back that aren't true(like telling his family and mine that I am stalking him), he has also talked to my ex-husband and I am not able to see my older children...I really have nothing else I can possibly lose. So, even though I don't have a lawyer, I am not afraid to go to court. There is nothing more that he can take away from me. After that, he held me for awhile and as always, when we see each other, we were together. Of course, he always tells me that it is only s@x to him, not love. I am sure you all think I am crazy to love such a man, but I do, and when I am with him, it IS because i love him. As I was leaving, he told me not to ever come back over. He gave me a hug and kissed me good-bye...I feel used and so sad. So, I guess my magical evening turned into the evening from h@ll. I guess we are going to court...I am sure it will drag on forever...I am sure that my name will be drug through the mud. All I can do is to tell my side of things. I did let him know that even when we are in court, I will not say anything bad about him...I don't fight dirty...that is just not me. I do plan to tell the judge that he is a wonderful father, and then tell the honest truth about myself. That is all I can do, and I'll have to leave the rest in God's hands. So ladies, keep praying...I am still hoping to witness a miracle in our marriage! |
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• Jul. 8, 2008 - I am so sad
Our 4th Anniversary is this coming Thursday, the 10th. We will have been married for 4 years...even though we have been together for 9 years. My whole body just aches all the time. It's been over 3 months since he filed for divorce and I just cannot wrap my mind around the thought of spending my life without him. We are having dinner together on Thursday night...I am making it and taking it over to "our" house. It's so important to me that we spend this "last" anniversary together. I look forward to it and dread it at the same time. I just don't know if I can let him go...I love him so much. I spend most every night crying...sometimes I feel like it is more than I can bear. It hurts so much. And to top it all off, he says that he still loves me...but that how he feels has nothing to do with the situation. I simply don't understand. |
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• Jun. 29, 2008 - It's Been A long Time...
Sorry it has been so long since I updated my life. I have a new job working as a caregiver at an assisted living facility, working with the elderly. It is ok, and I mostly work 12 hour night shifts from 6pm until 6am. My husband and I are still legally separated, and I am still only able to see my youngest three children on Sunday for 2 hours. My first ex-husband is refusing to let me see my oldest 4, minus the oldest son. He is now living with me, and is a bright spot in my life amidst all this pain. I miss my children terribly, as well as my husband. We are supposed to go into mediation soon, and I still do not have a lawyer. He is asking for full custody, and I just don't know what I am going to do. I need to have at least $2,000.00 to even retain a lawyer here, and my family won't lift a finger to help me. I tried to get a loan at the bank, but because i was a stay at home mother with nothing in my name, i do not qualify for a personal loan. I am out of options and really discouraged. I dread the thought of going into court without someone to represent me. Please pray for this situation. I want my children with me so desperately, and I know they want to be with me too. |
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• May. 12, 2008 - Starting Over....
Well, time for yet another update on my life. I finished my 2 weeks training at the Dawn of hope and now am working in a classroom everyday from 8-4pm...with Mentally handicapped adults. I also moved into a really beautiful 3 bedroom house on Saturday. It pretty much took the entire day to get everything that is mine moved out. I have everything moved in now and almost everything put away in my new house. Once I get a picture I will post it. It has 3 bedrooms(really large bedrooms with HUGE walk in closets!!!), 2 full baths, a kitchen, dining room and living room with a fireplace. It has hardwood floors throughout and tile in the kitchen and bathroom. It looks like a doll house on the inside. I have never lived in such a pretty house in my life.
Moving Saturday was very emotional for me...I would still rather be at home with my husband and children. At present I am still only allowed to see my children on Sundays from 2-4pm. Two hours a week is just not enough....my heart just breaks from missing them so much. And in spite of everything, I still love my husband so much. And I still sleep with one of his shirts wrapped around me, sprayed with his cologne at night. I miss him holding me at night more than anything. Thank you so much to everyone who has left me a comment...your prayers are keeping me going through all this. Please pray for my husband to have a change of heart....that he would want us to get back together....and also pray that if this is not what the Lord would have for me that I could still go on with my life. I need that peace so much. Another prayer request...I really need two sets of full size mattresses,,,pray the Lord would somehow provide those for me...so I can have my children! Thank you so much everyone!
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• May. 2, 2008 - Keeping JENNY(my best friend) Posted On My Life!
My friend, Jenny has been on me to update my blog. So, here I am to let everyone know the latest. I found a job at the Dawn Of Hope working/teaching mentally handicapped adults. It pays pretty good, and is something I really want to do. I work M-F 8am-4pm. AND next weekend I will be moving into a really nice 3 bedroom house. I am so excited and thankful. You see, my friend Jenny and her husband bought this house for me to rent from them. They want me to have a NICE place to live with my children. It's just amazing to me that my friends are more loyal to me than my own family has been. I am just so grateful...yet another thing the Lord has provided for me. I am doing OK. It's nice that I can keep busy everyday. Nighttime is still the hardest for me. I just miss my husband so much. I am still praying for a miracle in our marriage. It's so hard not to know the future.
Thank you to alll of you who have left such sweet and encouraging comments. Please continue to pray for our family. |
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About Me
I am the mother of 7 children here on earth and 4 in heaven. They are Jon(17), Charles(15), Zoe(13), Madeline(12), David(6), Daniel(4), Rose(3), Baby Boy Shell(Dec. 1989...in heaven), Baby Girl Shell(Spring 1992..in heaven), Baby Stephen(Aug. 20, 2004...in heaven), and Baby Jonathan(Dec. 27, 2006...in heaven). I love cooking for my family, collecting old cookbooks, watching Little House re-runs, the sweet smell of a baby, and spending time with my children. Hope you enjoy getting to know our family. Welcome to the my home!![]() 
Recent Posts
• Wonderful Tea Bundles Giveaway!
• Looking Up...
• Missing My Children
• Wordless Wednesday......
• Simple Woman's Daybook
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I just love this picture...it reminds me of myself...the look on her face shows she has a broken heart, but through prayer and trying move on with her life, she has gotten stronger. I guess that is how I feel about my life...I have moved on. I have met someone. His name is Micheal. He is perhaps the BEST thing that has happened to me in a long time. I still get stressed, but I know that God is bigger than any problem thrown my way, and if I cannot handle it...He CAN! I have just a brief prayer request...I spent the last 3 days in the hospital...they found a clot in my lungs. Please pray that it will dissolve on its own. Just have to leave with this...I love this saying...
