A few things I learned during my recent hospitalization...

1.  You will inevitably get extremely sick and need to go to the hospital the morning of the day you had planned to shower, shampoo, and shave.

2.  You will inevitably need to stay in the hospital just the right number of days to turn you smelly, greasy, and hairy.

3.  It takes eons (as in 7 hours) to get from the emergency room to the med/surg room even though they are only six floors apart.

4.  If you are a quiet hermit type, you can be sure your roommate will be the polar opposite (one had the tv on all the time; the other had a steady parade of phone calls and visitors).

5.  If you are admitted with severe stomach/intestinal nausea/pain, you can be sure your roommate does not have the same problem, and the smell of her food will fill the room to the point of causing you to be on the brink of hurling all day long. 

6.  There are some folks who are medical staff who should not ever be in direct contact with patients.  There are others who are angels in disguise.

7.  It is highly likely that your pastor and his wife will show up for a visit at the very moment that you are heading into the bathroom with just a thin, tell-all hospital gown on as a cover-up.  There is no escape.

8.  Visitors really, really, really should stay no longer than 30 minutes at a time.  It is exhausting to mentally participate in your roommate's steady flow of family and friends.  Bring earplugs. 

9.  Trust the kitchen; just trust the kitchen.  That unidentifiable mound of quivering something is food and is palatable, even though it looks like roadkill.

10.  There's no place like home.