05.04.12
Missing Mom
Two years ago today, my mom slipped into Eternity.
It was sudden.
And totally unexpected.
I had talked with her the night before, letting her know to call my cellphone if she needed me, because a storm had knocked out our electricity and the landline wasn’t ringing. She was tickled that I was concerned for her. We chatted about 20 minutes. If I had known it would be the last time I would talk to her here on earth, would I have talked a bit longer?
I was going to take her out the next week for her birthday. Her birthday had been in April, but things were crazy busy. I did stop by and bring her flowers. I was looking forward to taking her out.
If I had known that I didn’t have 2 extra weeks, would I have just shifted my schedule and made it happen sooner, crazy busy or not?
We never really know that our time with our loved ones is coming to a close. It’s so easy think we have forever. Oh, we know we don’t…..or do we?
I can’t live in the land of regrets—life does happen and we can’t always act on our best ideas. But we can make relational living more the “norm” than the exception.
Let’s face it–many of the daily things of life really ARE life. But we can still focus on people instead of projects. Taking time to enjoy the dandelions little ones bring us instead of being driven by deadlines. Connecting instead of condemning. Really taking time to listen instead of getting lost in multitasking. Enjoying the dailyness with our loved ones instead of expecting so much out of them that we can’t delight in anything.
People instead of projects.
Dandelions instead of deadlines.
Connecting instead of condemning.
Listen instead of losing through multitasking.
Enjoy instead of expect.
Living in the now is so important when it comes to relationships. Planning has its place, but not to the extent it chokes out being in the present.
God is merciful and gives us grace, not guilt. He blessed me with what I call my “hug from God” by helping me find a very special Mother’s Ring as a Testimony of God’s Love. I can’t go back and do the things I wish I would have done with my mom–those opportunities are gone.
And I confess I still struggle, as we all do, to live in the now with relationships. But I wear Mom’s ring often, reminding me of her, of her shaping of my life, of the good things she imparted to me. To remind me that I don’t have forever, and I need to live my life for the people God puts in my life right now. To remind me of all the encouraging things she used to tell me.
Tomorrow I will wear Mom’s ring while I teach another T-Tapp clinic. My mom had told me just a few months earlier that when the time was right, God would work it out for me to be a trainer. I never dreamed it would be through her gift to me. Tomorrow as I teach and explain and laugh, I will be passing on what both of my parents invested in my life.
And may I touch and invest in the lives of others, passing on their legacy.
I miss you, Mom! I’m grateful you are with Jesus. I know I will see you again. But for now my heart still hurts and I still long to call you and share exciting things with you. I would hear you say, “See? I told you God would work it all out!” or “I knew you would do a good job!” Just to share funny things Isaiah said or the boys did. I wish I would have spent more time accepting you for who you were and enjoying you rather than wishing you were someone different than who you were. I’m so glad our relationship healed and we did appreciate each other so much more the last two years we had together!
I know you won’t read this, Mom, but I have to write it for me. And for those who still have their moms, but maybe are struggling to accept their mothers for who they are and where they are. May we all remember that we can find things to affirm others for, or we can cut them down, but one day the silver cord will break, and then all the affirmations we left unsaid will threaten to bring us down. I pray, Mom, that every daughter reading this will make special efforts to affirm and love their mothers, not just on Mother’s Day, but every day that they can.
Thanks for all you did for me, for raising me, for instilling in me what you thought was important, for investing in my life. May I continue to “pay it forward”, in my children’s lives and in the lives of all whom I meet.
I love you, Mom!
)
Trisch