Aug. 15, 2008 - Finished Anna Karenina (Contains Spoilers)

I finished the book this evening. What an enormous accomplishment! I feel that I'm stopping at the top of a mountain - almost a thousand page mountain- I just conquered, looking around, and remembering the details of the climb! On the "journey" I learned so much and I feel that I'm a better person because of the book. I feel that I know human nature better and better understand myself and my own feelings.

Warning- this book review contains SPOILERS!

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I must confess that during the times when Leo Tolstoy got immensely detailed about farming, agriculture, and the first half of Levin's spiritual quest, I found it hard to stay focused. I think part of this was because I didn't realize the importance of this part of the book. I disciplined myself to read and to comprehend what he was telling us. I learned so much from it. I learned about farming, about the lifestyles. I always had a curiosity about how one lived with servants, wardrobe, and everyday life in those times. Tolstoy wrote great details and really brought me there. I was able to visualize what was happening while it happened.

About Anna- I have many mixed feelings about her. Sometimes I could relate to her and more often than not I couldn't. I feel that part of her problem was boredom. She did not have hobbies or many close friends or acquaintances to keep her busy or focused. When she moved in with and was living with Vronsky I was frustrated with their lack of close communication- so much could have been resolved. I also feel that her taking the Morphia (Morphine) so often clouded her mind and judgment. She refused to face her feelings (except her feelings of jealousy and resentment towards Vronsky), the many problems that she created for herself with her inappropriate choices, and anything that might cause her to feel the natural feelings of her real situation such as guilt or shame.

Vronsky ended up feeling smothered a little by her and started to resent this and her jealous feelings. He detached himself somewhat, but he didn't leave her physically. Their relationship was getting cold when she committed suicide- she took the coward's way out. She didn't think of her two children. She basically left her son with her husband and never even tried to make a connection or fall in love with her daughter. I felt so sad for her baby and had she had a connection with her, it may have helped her reason to herself that suicide isn't the answer. But, she took no part in caring for and rearing her daughter, so it isn't a surprise that she felt disconnected and indifferent towards her.

I had a harder time feeling sorry for her when she mentioned that she learned how to "not have any more babies" meaning abortion. I felt that she lacked a conscience and any kind of direction in her life.

I have felt some of the feelings that Levin and Anna felt I was surprised and amazed at how accurately Tolstoy described them. I also began to understand better why I felt as I did, and how situations turned out the way they did for me. The striking difference in my situations and theirs is that I have the truth. I know Heavenly Father. I know where I'm going and where I've been. I understand that life has a purpose. I always turned to Heavenly Father when I felt things getting to be too much for me to handle and have always been helped- always. Anna was not a believer. She must have been a truly confused and miserable person.

It was also interesting reading about Levin's great spiritual awakening. I got a view of what a good person, who is an unbeliever, feels and thinks. The confusion and the great lengths they go through in this quest to find out what the purpose of life is seems to be a depressing one. (One of the reason's Levin was depressed often.) I feel sorry for those who do not have the truth and do not seek it. Levin did and the book ended with a happy note.

I'm still processing so much of the book. It truly changed my life and Leo Tolstoy is a genius of a writer!

Apr. 8, 2008 - I am Elizabeth Bennett

Take the Quiz here!

Apr. 6, 2008 - Time, Hasten Slowly

Jan. 2, 2008 - May you Look for the Stars in 2008

• I had my precious baby girl - Bella and enjoyed her first year in our family.
• I improved my health via: Cleanse, exercise, chiropractics, and better nutrition.
• I lost 4 dress sizes.
• I improved my mind through reading 12 books.
• I grew spiritually.

I have several goals for this year and will be more specific in an article I'm working on. But, here is the quick list for my 2008 goals:

• Get out of debt
• No more caffeine
• Eat mostly raw fruits and vegetables
• Cut out the chocolate from my diet
• Eat healthier snacks (celery, apples, etc)
• Teach my children about health and nutrition
• Get more exercise
• More quality together time with my children
• Stay home more.
• Potty train two of my children
• Read 15 books
• Become healthier

"Two men looked out from prison bars

One saw mud and the other saw the stars"

May you look for the stars in 2008!

Nov. 1, 2007 - It's that time of the Night- BEDTIME

It is the pumpkin hour, no not midnight, it is 8 o'clock. When Wee willie Winkie runs through the town looking for kids out of bed, I'm lingering on my knees a little longer after family prayer praying for the strength to get through BEDTIME.

We have two children with special needs, a toddler, a nursing baby, and three older children. I have an intense bedtime routine for the sake of keeping them in bed. It works, it's just long.

We begin with pajama time after baths. This is quickly followed up by one chapter in the scriptures unless it's a really bad night. A really bad night means Madi, who has possible autism, is having a long fit and I'm restraining her, while the baby tries to crawl on me and Madi is trying to punch or kick her, and Meri is screaming too. All this while my older children are reading and Makenzie is sneaking off getting ice out of my freezer to chew. On nights like this we'll read five verses and call it "good." If we are having a "good" night we'll even read some in our family reading book.

Next, I file them all upstairs just to get overwhelmed by the mess. Every morning it gets cleaned and throughout the day, but by bedtime we're back to messes again. By messes I mean laundry, toys, books--the usual. I assign pick-up tasks and then read one to two books to the younger three girls. I end up reciting Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers on the average of ten times.

Then I say a prayer with Meri (2). If I try to cheat on a night that I'm tired and lie on her bed, she gets mad and reminds me to kneel. She then promptly crawls off of her big twin bed and kneels to remind her forgetful mother how to pray properly. Next is a song of her choice which is usually "Popcorn Popping". Then a kiss and a quick reminder that I'm not going to put the baby gate up unless she gets out of bed.

Next is Madi. She gets the Rescue Remedy cream on orders from the natropath she is seeing. Then I say her prayer with her, sing her a song which is usually "Popcorn Popping", have a quick discussion about how the sandman isn't scary and only sprinkles disappearing sand or reciting Peter Piper Picked a Peck of Pickled Peppers three more times. It is whichever she insists on, and then I kiss her good night.

Bella (9 months) is usually crawling or walking around me, fussing or climbing me like I'm a jungle gym while I attempt all of this. Next is Makenzie (6). She is quicker to put to bed with a quick prayer and song.

Thank GOODNESS the older children can do this themselves or it would take me all night. I'm usually so tired after all of this that I sit and check some emails and then read before I go to bed myself.

It never hits me that I have to do all this until after dinner and I have to start mustering up the courage to begin. Why do I do it? My first answer is because I feel that I need to do it for them. I feel that it gives them the personalized one on one time with me that they need. I do it because I can teach good principles and enforce the others that I taught throughout the day. I also do this because after eleven years (almost twelve) of parenting I have found that my children respond better to going to bed, sleep better throughout the night, and we have fewer instances of bad dreams or getting up out of bed after they've been lovingly tucked in.

To all of the mothers out there struggling to muster the energy to endure bedtime, I understand because I'm going through it at the same time!

Sep. 11, 2007 - God Helps Those Who Help Themselves

My husband will be gone in a little over a week for Iraq.  I believe he will be fine and have the faith that the Lord will protect him.  My fears are stemming more in the fear of homeschooling all seven children by myself.  I've been thinking a lot about this, and recently it helped me to do things to prepare better for this and come to terms with what exactly I'm worried about, why, and what I can do about it.

A couple of weeks ago I had a mini breakdown with the realization that the time is almost here.  I began contemplating- seriously contemplating- putting a few of the kids back into school.  This is completely against my convictions, my opinions--- my life!   Although, at this time, it was more panic and fear than anything.   I spent a lot of time on my knees praying for an answer.  I just couldn't make a decision.  I would make a desicion one minute and change it the next.  My husband wisely kept insisting that he would support me in whatever I decided. 

After spending much of my time praying, crying, and thinking one afternoon, I felt impressed to call the two friends I've been mentoring while they are embarking on their first year of homeschool.  I called my first friend.  She patiently listened to me and then asked what sparked this?  It was something I hadn't thought of at this point.  I thought about it for a minute and I believe it stems back to the Stamp Camp I went to recently.  So many women there were fresh, polished, happy, always meeting for afternoon girlfriend lunch dates (without kids), running here and there, shopping for FUN?!, and so forth.   It is NOT that I'm not any of these, but they seemed more "glamorous" than this homeschooling mom of seven.  I guess I was worried that with Ben gone and with us not doing as many things "outside of the home"  I might turn into a frumpy, lumpy, greasy rag mop mom who barely functions.  In my realistic mind I realize that I would never let this happen to myself, but its a fear.   I'm worried that all of my friends here will be afraid to "bug" me because I'm homeschooling during the day or "busy" at night.  Essentially I'm worried about being forgotten and then forgetting to take time for myself.

I explained this to her and she agreed that she would love to get together and doesn't want this to happen to her either.  We are now going to meet every Friday.  I know that homeschool groups are a possibility too, but all the groups I seem to find have "play dates"  (I'll have to save that for another blog post), or meet at inconvenient times for me (like 9 am).  It is hard enough to get my kids out the door all looking sharp once a week for church! :)

 Next, I called my second friend. She listened patiently and then asked me what she could do.  We are now meeting for lunch or fun crafty things (for us moms too!) every Thursday. 

I'm so thankful that I called to tell my friends my fears.  If I had never told anyone my fears and kept thinking I could do it myself, how can anyone help me or just be aware that I need their friendships?  I had to swallow my pride and communicate with my friends.   Just sitting around in my misery and thinking that "no one" cares is silliness.  How can anyone know unless I tell them?  I've learned a valuable lesson this month.  We will miss my husband terribly, but I feel more confident knowing that I have a support group to be here for me while I keep the home fires burning for him.

Jul. 19, 2007 - Thank you, ready to do it!

Ladies,

Thank you to everyone who commented on the upcoming journey I'm about the embark on!   I feel good about it and not as scared of homeschooling the kids by myself for 1 1/2 years.   I read a quote recently that has empowered me and encouraged me to move forward.

"It is been said that the courage to be happy is the greatest courage of all, but more often the truth seems to be that it takes greater courage to accept temporary unhappiness for a future purpose.  More valor is required to follow a difficult road, which may have a more luminous destination."  (Valiant Womanhood, Relief Society Magazine Oct. 1945)

That has given me the courage to forge ahead with a conviction and sense of pride for what I'm to accomplish while my husband is fighting for our God, our family, and our country.

I'm sorry I've neglected this blog.  I promise to share more of our homeschooling fun.  Lately, I've been doing a lot of posting on my other two blogs and getting out the free homemaking newsletter.  See the links:

Sanity with Seven Blog
Two Women Badly in Need of a Vacation

And the free homemaking newsletter- join us!

Jun. 18, 2007 - Nervous about the Future of our Homeschooling

My husband is active duty military.  With a deployment of over a year, I'm worried!  I'm worried that I may not be able to handle the responsibilities of homeschooling seven children by myself that long in the little house we ae moving to.  Any thoughts are welcome and experiences similar to mine are even better!  I need it! ;)

May. 14, 2007 - Honesty Issues

In the Baker home, honesty has become an issue.  Even the little, simple answers such as "Are your hands clean, son?"  "Yes, Mom"  "Really? Let me smell them..."  "Oh, I forgot."  "mmmhmmm"

Little things always lead to big things.  I get positive answers to "Did you take a shower" or "Did you change that diaper?" when in reality a negative answer should have been spoken.  Why?  Careless and fear of the consequences, I'm certain.

Last night began our virtues studies.  We are now reading from the Book of Virtues by William Bennett.  We are going back to the classics for examples and good stories on WHY honesty is important.  Of course, we are not leaving out the scriptures either!  Mixed with a few of my own stories and examples (I had a friend who faked cancer for over a year).  I had their entire attention tonight as I read the story of how Matilda was burned in her home- whenever she screamed "fire", the town's people screamed "liar!". 

Tonight when my sullen children filed up the stairs to bed they had new promises in their hearts to change.  I told them I would erase all that happened in my mind, but if they make a mistake they must confess.  They have learned that virtue is to be taught, learned well, and practiced by the time they are adults.  I'm hoping it continues in a positive direction!

May. 13, 2007 - Pleasure Island

Mar. 21, 2007 - The Battle Between Good And Evil In Our Country- GET Involved!

Mar. 9, 2007 - Today is my birthday

I wrote a little post on my main blog here:

http://www.homemakingcottage.com/blog/

-Shiloah