The Prudent Homeschooler

The prudent sees the danger and hides himself, but the naive go on and are destroyed.

Okay, now I had my notes here a minute ago…are they under…no, wait a minute…oh, here, I got ‘em.

Does this sound familiar? Your children can’t find their books, their pencils, their paper, sometimes even their desks. No one ever has clean underwear, you haven’t had a meal on time in weeks (or even a meal cooked all at the same time), your husband has this look on his face when he walks in the door of what should be his castle — but the moat is full of kids’ toys, unfolded laundry and all the newspapers from the last six months. You’ve tried to Get Organized, but there seems to be a conspiracy against you and nothing succeeds for very long. And you’re beginning to be convinced that you can’t possibly teach your children at home very well when you’re doing such a poor job at something so simple as cleaning house.

“How Am I Supposed to Keep This House Clean, Anyway?” is one of the Big Four Questions I hear all the time (the others are “What do I Do With the Baby?”, “How Do I Teach More than One Level?”, and “When Can I Send the Little Darlings Back to School?” No — just kidding; there are more than four Big Questions).

The first thing to do is a Reality Check. Were your children in school for a few years before you began homeschooling? If so, you were used to having several hours alone, when you could get the house together, and then it stayed that way, because everyone was gone. So now, guess what? You’re all there, everyday, all day long. Unless you’re like my grandmother, who had a spotless house regardless of what was going on, you’re going to have to be consistent in your battle against Creeping Clutter.

Let’s be honest on this one: Were you a slob before you began homeschooling? Well, it’s not gonna git better, now. If this is the case, you need serious help from the Sidetracked Home Executives and Don Aslett. And, honestly, people can live with a lot of Creeping Clutter, as long as everyone in the family agrees.

It’s time to be prudent. After you do a Reality Check, clean a small space and have a cup of tea. If you flog yourself because your house isn’t clean, you’ll be open to attack from The Enemy (who could be disguised as a friend or relative: “I don’t understand why your house isn’t clean; after all, you’re home all day.”). If you believe that the Lord wants you to teach your children at home and to be a good keeper of the home, then obviously it’s possible to do both, because we know that when He calls us to do something, He makes us able to do it. Right? Housework is just another part of what He has called us to do.

There’s not room here to give you a complete lesson on how to keep things orderly, so I’ll try to give you enough to get you started. If you were pretty much together before you started homeschooling, then you might just need to revamp. For example, I always feel better if my beds are made and the kitchen is clean, so, for me, the best thing is to clean the kitchen after every meal — right away, even if I’m late. I have a dishwasher (praise God), so I load it all day long and run it whenever it’s full, instead of letting dishes pile up on the sink. (This means you have to EMPTY it when it’s finished — the dishwasher, not the sink). I take my shower at night so I can get dressed IMMEDIATELY when I get up in the morning, and I make my bed as soon as my feet hit the floor. If I don’t, I’ll go out into the kitchen and it’ll be all over for the bed. So by nine o’clock (we are not early risers), my beds are made, the kitchen is clean and I’m dressed. If I do nothing else all day, I feel like half my housework is done.

Another hint: I can tell when I’m doing too many things away from home, because the housework is the first thing to go. We’re home just long enough to trash everything, but not long enough to clean it up.

And another: There’s nothing wrong with folding the laundry instead of doing math.

The two most important rules in keeping your house clean are, “Do it now,” and, “Don’t put it down, put it away.” If you can discipline yourself to do those two things, you’ll have won the biggest battle, and give yourself time to read the books that will help you; they’ll also give you something concrete to say to your children, because they will leave a trail of things behind them (they get more sophisticated as they get older) that will add hours to your cleaning.

You can read lots of books, and talk to lots of people who can tell you all those things about teaching your children to clean, and you should do that. But in the meantime, be prudent; realize that it’s harder to clean a house when people are in it all the time, that if you’re homeschooling you have more things that need to be put away (books, crayons, the papier maché globe, all that stuff), and that no one died yet of a dirty house. You should purpose to have an orderly house, but you shouldn’t lose your joy while ordering. Amen?

(Don Aslett has written several books that should be helpful in your attempts to remove Atilla the Hun and his buddies from your home, and The Side-tracked Home Executives has been a life–saver for many side–tracked moms. Mary Pride, in School Proof, has some good suggestions for taming the Creeping Clutter in your home [you have to mail–order her book]. All should be available from Your Friendly Neighborhood Bookstore.)

So. The Official School Year looms ahead. For months you’ve been trying to figure out which program to use for which subject, answering questionaires which are supposed to tell you each of your children’s learning styles, evaluating the books and things you used last year to see if you want to ever use them again, and pouring over Mary Pride’s or Cathy Duffy’s books. To make things worse, some of your friends are new converts to KONOS or Weaver, or the Principle Approach or Classical. Each is convinced that her program is The Answer, and that others who are not doing as she is have missed God’s true calling in their lives. What’s a poor homeschooler to do?

Get a grip! There’s nothing wrong with you. You are a caring, concientious parent, trying to do the best for her children in what she believes God has called her to do. The same is true for each of your friends who are doing something totally different in their children’s lives. However, you must be prudent, or you’ll wear yourself out before you even get started.

Remember that many people taught their children at home successfully before anyone ever heard of Saxon, KONOS, ABeka, The Well Trained Mind, The Write Source, Mary Pride, et al. All those wonderful resources will be The Answer for many more homeschoolers, and as time goes on you will find what is The Answer for you (and, unfortunately, that might change yearly). Each of those resources has weak points as well as strong ones, and as you become more experienced you will do a better job at finding what works for you. In the meantime, the important thing is—are you ready?—to PICK SOMETHING. Yes. Go ahead. You can’t possibly make a choice that’s so bad it can’t be redeemed. Well, you can make a bad choice that can make you and your children sick to death of the whole thing, but the choice is still redeemable.

You know how when you were born again you were so excited that you told eveyone, and sometimes couldn’t understand why everyone else didn’t jump right up and say, “Sign me up!”? Well, sometimes people feel the same way about a new program, especially one that is a whole–life–changing program, such as WTM. In such circumstances I can understand why some of these families seem to be very judgmental. Never you mind. Just as we are working out our salvation with fear and trembling, we are working out our homeschooling with fear and trembling, and we won’t all work out the same. God knew before the foundation of the world that you would be as you are, with the children you have, using the teaching materials you are, and we know that He causes all things to work together for good to those who know Him and are called according to His purpose. Do you think it will really matter in 10 years (or five) which math book you used, or whether you used all ABeka or the Weaver or the Principle Approach? No, because He is at work in us—it is He who has made us, and not we ourselves. And He can do the work by His Holy Spirit; that’s His pleasure.

So. Does that mean that you shouldn’t look at other books and programs and like that? Not at all. It does mean that when you begin losing sleep over the prospect, or feeling guilty because you’re not using the trendy stuff, you should go on and pick something to use while you research, and make the best of what you have. And you should remember to not lay a burden on someone else who is not ready to receive it. Amen?

Do you have a parental anxiety attack periodically because you’re not sure if your children are actually present? Surely you have wrestled with whether or not to mark the little darlings present on your attendance forms when they didn’t actually fill out any workbook pages or write a book report or watch educational television programs (or actually get dressed). And the field trip you took with them was surely too much fun to be “educational,” and you didn’t make them write a report on it, anyway.

Actually, the problem is not that we are not educating our children properly; the problem is that we have a skewed idea of what education really is. We have been conditioned to believe that education happens only when we have a textbook of some kind, which is being put in our children’s facees, evoking some sort of intelligent response which can be tested and catagorized and reproduced for some educrat. All field trips must have some sort of educational purpose, must fit into a theme of which The State approves. Poppycock.

People used to know what education is. Webster’s 1828 Dictionary gave an excellent definition: “The bringing up, as of a child; instruction; formation of manners. Education comprehends all that series of instruction and disciplines which is intended to enlighten the understanding, correct the temper, and form the manners and habits of youth, and fit them for usefulness in their future stations. To give children a good education in manners, arts and science is important; to give them a religious education is indispensable; and an immense responsibility rests on parents and guardians who neglect these duties.”

So what? Do you think that all the stuff you teach your children about responsibility, and table manners, and relationships with their families and friends is NOT education? Of course it is! Maybe the problem is not that you aren’t sure if it’s education, but that you don’t know how to categorize what you’re doing. No problemo.

A very wise homeschooling mother took me to the park in my early days of homeschooling and showed me how she taught her daughter at home. I was amazed at how she had learned which activities fit into which Educational Category; she used no textbooks at all. She had letters from the children’s club her daughter participated in at her church, listing the activities that were done during the meetings (reading the Bible, art and service projects, memory work, etc.), and had recorded them in their various subjects, such as English, fine arts, or social studies. Her daughter took roller skating lessons weekly (P.E.) and music lessons (fine arts). They visited the local museums on a regular basis, making it a point to go to any special exhibits (social studies, or science, or fine arts). She read books to her daughter daily, books of fine literature which most people don’t usually think of as “children’s” books, but which gave her daughter a vocabulary far above her age–level peers.

The point is that if your children wake up every day, and you do anything with them that enlightens the understanding, forms the manners and habits of youth, and fits them for usefulness in their future stations, they are being educated; therefore they are always present. You can count all their sports activities, music and dance classes, scouting programs—everything—as part of their education, and if you read your handy–dandy dictionary to see how it defines “social studies” or any other subject, you will see how to put all the things your children are learning into nice little educational categories.

So when you sit down to your attendance records, be prudent, knowing that your children are always being educated, and confidently mark them “present.”

The Prudent Homeschooler Tends the Baby—March 2001

Fussy babies, toddlers that get into the tooth­paste or the toilet paper (or worse) just when you start the interesting part, the older child who should have patience but doesn’t and wants your undivided attention, the other learner who wants to do his sci­ence project NOW, laundry piling up, no dinner in sight—isn’t homeschooling fun?

I’ve talked with so many mothers who will only take one of their children out of school because they think they can only teach one at a time, or whose little ones climb all over them when they’re working with another child and they can’t figure out what to do with the climber.

Before throwing in the towel (or the child, as the case may be), let’s sit down and have a nice cup of tea, and do a Reality Check. A generation ago (or two), children were under foot all the time. It was not uncommon for the children to learn to read before going to school (usually not until age eight or nine); how do you think those mothers did it? And they often had many more household chores to take care of (they didn’t have Little League, it is true, but baking bread and churning butter probably equaled it out). How many children do you have — only two, or an army? If you have an army (“guided arrows in a father’s hand”), what are their ages? If the oldest is barely compulsory school age, you know that you’re going to spend a great deal of time just taking care of young children. So what is more important — teaching the oldest to read and add and memorize the books of the Old Testament, which he can always do next year, or all the caretaking required for young children, such as nursing, cuddling, changing diapers, laundry, reading to…Academics can wait; nurturing can’t.

If the oldest is, well, older, he can probably do much of his academic learning on his own; you can do unit-study-type things which don’t require intense teaching and which may involve the younger ones. You can encourage little ones to take naps and do the one-on-one things at that time. Younger children can learn to amuse themselves (or each other, if there are sever­al), and they can learn not to climb on Big Sister’s schoolwork. The older children can also learn to be patient, since they are not the only children in the household who have needs. Sometimes older children can teach the younger, and all the children need time to play together in large, unstructured blocks of time.

“Flexibility” is one of the key words in home­schooling; although daily routines make everyone feel better (first we get up, then we have breakfast and make up our beds; we have church on Wednesday and Sunday, park day on Friday and Mom’s Night Out on the second Tuesday), a home with many children should be prepared to be more flexible on timetables for teaching Official School Subjects. Academics can wait; nurtur­ing can’t.

Don’t be naive and expect your children to follow exactly along someone else’s learning schedule (that attitude can keep your children behind, too). Part of your children’s education is learning how families operate, which includes discipline; the exact year your children learn to read or know their multiplication tables is secondary to their growing up to be responsi­ble, well-adjusted people. Don’t be naive by allowing your children to act like little hooligans; hooligans do not grow up to be responsible, well-adjusted people (well, sometimes they do, but no one can stand to be around them when they’re little). Don’t be naive by expecting your children to line up like little robots and sit in their little desks and fill in hundreds of little workbook sheets every day. Get a grip!

It would be prudent of you to be involved in a support group so you can get wise advice from your homeschooling friends; try reading some books by people who have lots of kids for suggestions from the veterans (Help! I’m Homeschooling!  is a good one). Many people have found Managers of Their Homes (moth) to be very helpful in scheduling.

Be prudent; see the danger signs (we all have different danger signs), and back off, have a cup of tea, call a recess; you’ll be much happier, I promise.

Here it is, only half way through the school year, and the beginning of a whole new year just around the proverbial corner…and some of you out there (you know who you are) are just about ready to put your little darlings back into school. Maybe, in September, you had lesson plans written for the next umpteen weeks, with lists of materials and library books you would need; and your children thought playing school was so much fun, they would get up at the crack of dawn and whip out pages and pages of stuff.

But, alas, reality set in; the kidlets realized that you were serious about this, and that they didn’t have much of a choice in when or what they did; and you had to fix the water damage in your bathroom while 143 relatives from out of town came in to visit and you had to take them to The City; the car died so you spent days hassling with a repair shop run by cretins; then you all came down with the Martian Death Flu and wished you could join the car. All your wonderful plans went right out the window, and you’re convinced that your children can’t possibly be getting a decent education because they aren’t “doing school,” not to mention the fact that they are fighting like cats and dogs with each other and with you.

Don’t call the local school! Now is the time to reevaluate everything (after you call a good friend and have a nice cup of tea). First, think of all the reasons you wanted to teach your children. Have any of them changed? Probably not. Next, look at all the things you planned. Do you think you really have to “cover” all that? Consider the value of allowing your children to have time to play on their own, read the kinds of books they like, mess around with things which interest them. Education is not only teaching reading, writing and ’rithmetic. It is anything which “corrects the temper, enlightens the understanding, forms the manners and habits of youth, and fits them for usefulness in their future stations.” (Webster’s 1828 Dictionary). Most of those things can’t be taught from a book; they require time for “messing around” and interaction between siblings and parents, not to mention all those outside activities which can interfere with the family, but which, used wisely, can be considered an integral part of your children’s education: field trips, involvement in church and with other homeschoolers, scouting groups, sports, music lessons. Remember that most states are very flexible on what they expect/require homeschoolers to teach, and that the end product, a well-educated, servant-minded person, is much more important than which “subject” you “covered” each year.

Finally, you can take some time to recuperate from the Christmas celebrations, with a rest from academics (which you know is what you really want to do, deep down inside), and spend a few evenings (prayerfully) looking again at your teaching materials and your educational goals. You will not be harming your children for life if you don’t do all the same things they would be doing in school. Home is better than that (look at your reasons for homeschooling). If you don’t take some R & R (rest and reevaluation), you’re heading straight for the B-Word – Burnout.

A wise homeschooling mother saw it coming, and one day, during her devotional time, she read Proverbs 22:3: “The prudent sees the evil and hides himself, but the naive go on, and are punished for it.” She spent a week in hiding, looked at everything she had planned for the year, and at her children, and realized that she was really where she wanted to be.

Will you be prudent, or will you be naive? (You were wondering when you would understand the title of this article, weren’t you?) Homeschooling isn’t something which should be thought of with dread, something you do only as long as you are keeping up with some publisher’s idea of what should be taught at each grade level, or even what other homeschoolers think you should be doing. Homeschooling is like salvation, which you work out with fear and trembling; and it is all worth it, I promise, even when you’re fighting with the cretins and the moldy bathroom and not doing all the school stuff you planned.

Let us also not forget to wait upon the Lord: “They that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles. They shall run and not be weary, they shall walk and not faint.” Your time of hiding would be a good time for waiting, as well. Let’s pray for much prudence for the new year, amen?