Jun. 10, 2008 - hear my silent screams

May. 16, 2008 - YOOOOOOO. =D

Hey! I it's been a while since I last posted. =) mmm. I shall update you I suppose.

Monday-- I woke up at 5:30 AM to go to a dentist appointment only to discover that I need braces. -_-
Soooooooooo let's just say I'm not too happy about that, but oh well... I 'll survive... then I went to bible study and won at a game of musical chair partners! w00t! EPIC WIN... yeahhhhhhh.

Tuesday- I did school and went shopping for shoes and shorts in the afternoon... but.... I couldn't find any shoes, but I found a pair of shorts... soooooooooo yay. =PP

Wednesday- I woke up at 6:00 thinking that I had bible study at 7:00AM, but we got there and no one was there soooooooo. I came back home, did school, and then I had a guitar lesson.

Thursday-  I did school. w00t.

Friday- I went to English class at 8:00AM, came home,did school, went shoe shopping again, and then went out to dinner.

Saturday- WEDDING. (*coughcough* not MINE. )

May. 9, 2008 - HELLO!

Maaaaaan! I've been gone too long. It's been over 2 weeks since I last posted. 0_0
Well in the last 2 weeks, my dad graduated from his Doctorate of Ministry program so we made a big deal about that....

Ummmmmm. I attempted to go to 2 concerts, but both of them never worked out...

I am planning on going to a Demon Hunter concert at the end of the month as well as 'Big Splash' which is a Christian music festival at a water park. =)

Apr. 21, 2008 - LISA IS SICK.

GAH. So I wake up in the morning to find out that my sister had the stomach flu and I had slept right through it... and then also find out that I was having severe nausea and um... like 5 minutes ago... I finally hurled it all up. 0_0 Not very pleasant, but at least I feel better. So if anyone reads this, PLEASE keep me and my family in LOTS of prayer right now. DDD= This week is like the worst week for all of us to get sick because my dad is going to graduate from his doctorate program and we have grandparents coming over and I have this huge English thing to turn in this Friday and I'm not doing so well right now... 0_0
So just pray for quick recovery, and stuff like that.

Thanks soooooooo freakin much. =DDDDD

Love,

A very sick, tired, but beautiful Lisa. =PPP

Yo my name is Lisa Joy-- Peace, Yo, Love, I'm out.

Apr. 20, 2008 - Top 10 Fave Websites. =D

sry... I was bored and had to do this. 0_0

1. www.meebo.com-- IM from anywhere and everywhere with any of your accounts using website, plus... if you join meebo, you can have all your accounts active at the same time... EPIC WIN. =D
2. www.twloha.com-- This organization has given me soooo much hope and Renee has been a HUGE inspiration to me during my times of struggle and recovery.
3. www.zambooie.com-- This store is freakin amazing. =DDD They have TONS of band-t's...(mostly christian bands), special organization t-shirts(like TWLOHA and a few others), and LOTS of additional band accessories, CD's, ETC. I love this place.
4. www.hopecore.com-- This is an alternative Christian radio station. I actually like this much better then WAY-FM! wow!
5. www.c28.com-- This is a store made especially for teen-christians in mind. WAI cool. =D They sell cool clothes, music, and a BUNCH of other things. =D
6. www.tomfest.com-- I like this website because I might actually be going to TOMFEST... YAY!
7. www.christianbook.com -- sells anything and everything. I love it. =D It's great for T-shirts and Music. =D
8. www.iamunbreakable.com -- This website has mean't alot to me as I've been going through some hard times, but it's reminded me that I am unbreakable with the strength of Christ.
9. www.godtube.com -- I like this because it is a Christian alternative to youtube so you miss all the junk you want to avoid, but you do run into some not so true teaching. I suggest sticking with the cool presentations, skits, music videos, etc.
10. www.onetruth.com -- this website has been cool. They used to sell really cool clothes, but that has all ended for them now. They're moving on to a different part of life, but I still like the website. =D

SOOO. There you have it! Feel free to check any of those out.

Apr. 15, 2008 - RAWR

TELL THE WORLD THAT JESUS LIVES. TELL THE WORLD THAT. TELL THE WORLD THAT.

Apr. 13, 2008 - I Am Unbreakable

Where are the people that accuse me?
The ones who beat me down and abuse me
They hide, just out of sight
Can’t face me in the light
They’ll return, but I’ll be stronger

God i want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Sometimes it’s hard to just keep going
But faith is moving without knowing
Can I trust what I can’t see
to reach my destiny?
I want to take control, but I know better

God i want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

Forget the fear, it’s just a crutch
That tries to hold you back until your dreams are dust
All you need to do is just try
(Try, try, try)

God i want to dream again
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there
This time i’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me
Nothing can stop me

God i want to dream again (I want to dream again!)
Take me where I’ve never been
I want to go there (I wanna go there)
This time I’m not scared
Now I am unbreakable (I am unbreakable!)
It’s unmistakable
No one can touch me (No one can touch me!)
Nothing can stop me

Apr. 11, 2008 - Stronger

Apr. 7, 2008 - Fading Away

so...
I have 8 cuts on my arm.
Self inflicted.
I was really confused this morning and finally did cut myself...
To everyone's chagrin.
I'm sorry.
I've let you all down.
I really have.
BUT.
I am never ever ever doing it again.
Really... I've seen where some of my friends who have been cutting for a while have ended up and it's not pretty... also the more you cut, the harder it is to stop.
So I'm glad I stopped myself before I got any further.
ily all and keep praying for me.
As you can probably see by now... I need it. =((((

Mar. 31, 2008 - Gone...

In 1 hour I leave for a week on the beach... yayyyyy! EPIC WIN...
So please pray that I would be able to recover from my emotional downs and my lack of sleep this weekend.

I love you all. <33333333

--Lisa

Mar. 30, 2008 - GRR.

>.<
I can hardly explain myself right now... >.<
FIRST. My friend who ran away with a guy is now DATING him. They were all touchy feely during the concert last night and she brought him to church today and I'm really not happy about this at all. DDD=
psh. It was also gross because I had ppl making out like right in front of me during one part of the show... BLEHHHH. 0_0 EW GROSS. DDDD= But on the good side, the concert was pretty freakin awesome and I had an awesome time... although... I got smooshed and kicked in the shins a few times. 0_0 I feel SOOOOOO short when I go to these type of concerts. 0_0 There are so many tall ppl there... or at least... taller then me.... =PP

a;sldkfjasdlfkjkdjalsdkfjalkasjflaksd

AND THEN THE NEXT THING THAT HAPPENED was someone at our church came up to me and was all like... "I'll be praying for you. How are you doing?"
"Good actually"
"Really? You don't look that way? What can I be praying for you for?"
"Just life and stuff."
"Well don't get too crazy, even though it's really fun... too much craziness(craziness as in piercings, music, hair coloring, black clothing, skateboarding, ETC.) can draw a line between you and people."
".... yeah."

GAHHHHHHH! I just want to cry and scream and pull out my hair right now!!!!!! JUST BECAUSE MY DAD IS THE PASTOR DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING. I CAN WEAR BLACK IF I WANT TO. I DON'T WEAR BLACK BECAUSE I HAVE PROBLEMS!!!!!" DDDDD= DON"T YOU PEOPLE GET THIS?!?!?!?!
... DDDD= I need a hug. >.<
This guy also has asked me when my 'semi goth' period will be over...
I'm tired of this whole thing. I'm definitely not going to change for anyone. I like what I wear and black just happens to be one of my favorite colors, but to be judged and generalized over really hurts, stings, and makes me feel like dirt. Even though people's intentions are meant for good, it really is not necessary right now and makes me feel worse then I already do feel.

Mar. 29, 2008 - OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH!

AHHHHHHHHHHHH.
OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH! OMGSH!!!!!!!!!!

MY YOUTH PASTOR JUST CALLED AND ASKED ME IF I WANTED TO GO TO THE VERY LAST BLESSED BY FALLING CONCERT WITH HIM AND HIS WIFE TODAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!

AHHHHHH!!!
-goesnuts!!!!-
I still have to talk to my parents about it, but I really hope I can go, because this would mean so so so so much to me. =DDDDDD

Mar. 28, 2008 - Dearest friend--

I wish these memories would fade away
Memories of better times
Times that no longer exist
Existance that is no more.

Sometimes I wonder what I'm living for
I ask myself if the hurt will grow stronger
This lonelyness I feel.
It is like a part of me is gone.
A part that people hold in their hearts and love

How could I know it would be like this
I'm determined to fight this fight and press on
My thoughts are flooded with memories
A beauty in the cold
Longing for something more

I'm depriving myself of the thing I want
The thing that brings happiness to my life
It's a hole in my heart
A missing piece
A piece that is not necessary, but is important to life.

For long months I have struggled with this
God's taken away and I wonder why
I have to know that this all has a reason
Even though it will sting and burn and I feel like giving up on life
Maybe just for a day, I could have the thing that I need

Right now I'm confused.
I'm grieving my loss... again
These things are bottled up inside of me
How many times will this go on
Tears have fallen
I try and deal with this the best I can.
Now I understand.

I'm not sure who is left
Whom I can trust.
Whom I can love.
I have to give this a chance
I have to hold back from these overwelming feelings and take this one step at a time
Breathing fresh air
Starting new... again.

Will I fail this time?
Will I stumble and not get up?
Will I fall apart again?
Holding on to my memories...
Holding on to what is left....
Holding on to what matters most....
Jesus Christ.

Mar. 28, 2008 - RAWRRR. <3333

Mar. 27, 2008 - i love you

Night time draws near
My last goodbyes are said
Some friends have shed tears
This is the end.

Starting anew
My mind is now cleared
A hope for more
Will not disappear.

Mar. 27, 2008 - This is for you, my friend--

Dear friend,

You know who you are. Right now, I have probably left you in the dust... without meaning to at all. I'm sorry. You have been there for me since square 1. You have listened to my rants, been one of my best friends, and have been a huge gift from God to me. You helped me when I was hurting, helped me cope with hard times, and have always been willing to help. I thank you for that. Right now I don't know where to start. First off... I left... I left many things...3 at least. Things that kept me connected with people and used a lot of my time. In doing that... I ended many relationships. That hurt... I'm not sure if you know what's going on right now... or if you have even discovered that I'm gone, but I hope that you will read this and know that I did not do it to hurt you or anyone at all. Right now, I've been going through some hard times... and you know that and are praying for me and my friends. But I just keep thinking about things... I keep thinking about my life... what I'm living for, what things are taking up most of my time, and what things are getting in my relationship with God... the answer was my at least 3 friend connection things. Because I knew this was going to be extremely painful, I did it all fast and quick...only telling one person. GAH! I'm so sorry. God has just been pounding on my heart and saying... "LISA! Get back into real life... Get back into the real world! Make RL friends... ppl who care about you and want what's best for you in RL!" All of you guys have been really good to me... I wish all of you could be my real life friends, but... that's not going to happen. You especially my friend... haha, I hope that doesn't seem too awkward... it's not really meant to be, but it can end up that way. Dearest Dearest friend... I hope that as we part, you will move on stronger then before. May Christ bless your life and I love you forever... (as a friend/sister)

Your Friend--
Lisa <333

Mar. 26, 2008 - This is your life are you who you want to be? This is your life is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?

As I sit here writing this and sipping my hot chocolate, gazing out my window at the hurried snow flurries, I look back on these last few weeks. I've gone through a lot. I've had to deal with lots of situtations. Some of them have been really hard and have cut close to home. One lyric keeps passing through my thoughts..."This is your life, are you who you want to be? This is your life are you who you want to be? This is your life, is it everything you dreamed that it would be when the world was younger and you had everything to lose?" This just keeps reminding me of my friend who ran away and still is running away right now. Does she want to continue to waste her life away by running away from the people who love her and want the best for her? Oh... I can't tell you how much it hurts to write this and to think about this.
GAH. I can't write anymore.... Here's a song that describes me and my friend right now---

Mar. 21, 2008 - Falling Apart

My life is falling apart...
My friend brittany ran away just recently and is now in a juvinille program...
Shelby's dad passed away...
AND LIFE STINKS RIGHT NOW. DDDDDD=

I need a hug. =(

Mar. 18, 2008 - Life is Short

"Wow. I never thought that this day would come when my dad would pass away. I just wish that maybe he would have stayed longer, but it was his time to go. You never know what you got until it's gone! I LOVE YOU DAD!"
^^My friend Shelby's words on her my-space. Friday, March 14, 2008, Shelby's father passed away.
Last night as I entered the room, I noticed it was quieter then usual. People weren't smiling. My friend Shelby was crying. Going up to her, I gave her a hug and asked her what is wrong. "It's the worst possible thing that could happen." she said. "This last Friday, my dad passed away.". I was dumbstruck. I really couldn't say anything except... "Oh Shelby." and then give her another hug. Staying by her side, giving her hugs, talking with her, playing games as a group, helped me as well as Shelby to cope with this situation. My heart went out to her. It was almost like I could feel her heart breaking. So we finished our stuff, ate jalapeno poppers, and played a game. Next we went upstairs to do worship and to listen to the message. During worship though, the words really stuck out to me. "Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise. When the darkness closes in LORD, still I will say. Blessed be the name of the LORD. Blessed be your name. Blessed be the name of the LORD. Blessed be your glorious name. You give and take away. You give and take away. My heart will choose to say. LORD blessed be your name." Then I noticed Shelby... sitting by herself... the tears rolling down her face. I went right beside her and wrapped my arms around her as the music played. After our worship and message, we laid hands on Shelby and just prayed for her. Hugs were given, Kind words were spoken, Love was poured out.
This whole experience really made me think. I really didn't think that this would affect me as much as it did, but I could hardly sleep last night. It's really hard to watch one of your good friends hurting like that. But I was able to be there for her. I was able to wrap my arms around her during worship. I was able to pray for her and tell her to hold on to her heavenly father during this time... and also to tell her that I loved her forever and am there for her. Now that this has passed, I can see how God prepared me for this... really getting to know Shelby at snow camp, giving her hugs, developing a good friendship, being there for her, dealing with my own struggles, and helping others who are hurting. I never thought all this would come into play.

Mar. 18, 2008 - Dedicated to one of my BFFs- Shelby...

Alone she stands
Broken inside.
A night with her friends
Her dad has just died.

She’s barely hanging on
Words cannot describe
The tears that fall down
Fresh hurt revived

Arms are wrapped around here.
Prayers are sent up by the hour.
She is loved.
She will be strong.
Holding on to what matters most.
Christ’s love.