Having miscarried last week, this week was long and ardous. There has not been a single day without extra people in the house since that day until today and I am growing weary.
Last Monday (June 2nd) the miscarriage finally happened (although the process began the previous Thursday). Russ did come home from work early that day to help me and stayed home all day Tuesday. He even went in to work a little late on Wednesday and would not leave until I assured him that I would be okay.
I did babysit Monday-Thursday too. The little girls are very well-behaved, but I did not allow myself to cry or rest much because I felt I needed to be there for them.
Friday my father-in-law arrived for a visit. I did not acutally know he was coming to visit until a couple days before the fact. Since our guest room is downstairs and it is best that he not use the stairs much I needed to move hubby and myself downstairs in preparation for his visit so that he could have the master bedroom.
It was a nice visit, but again, I was on my guard emotionally and certainly did not rest at all. My father-in-law was here until Wed. I did have my two little girls to babysit Monday, Tuesday and Thursday of this week, as well. On Wed. my father-in-law left around 5:30 PM. At 6PM more houseguests arrived from Minnesota!
Our company was a family with two teens, a pre-schooler and a newborn! It was a fun time, but again... not a second for a lucid thought!
AND... can you believe it? My washing machine broke down on Tuesday! (and is still broken... we are waiting for parts ordered from Sears)
Now that I have whined for however many paragraphs (LOL) I wanted to share a song that has been a blessing to me during this time and has been the meditation of my heart:
My Very First Love
With all my heart, with all my mind,
With all my strength I’m going to serve You.
Through every day, in every way
I’m going to praise, praise You forever.
Even when troubles come into my life,
I’ll never fear ’cause I know You’re close by.
There’s not a mountain that I cannot climb
With You, with You.
Standing here now with my mind and emotion,
I make a vow to give all my devotion;
All my desires I place You above.
(1x) You are my God; You are my very first love.
(2x) You are my God; You are my first love.
Standing here now with my mind and emotion,
I make a vow to give all my devotion;
All my desires I place You above.
You are my God; You are my very first love.
You are my very first love.
You are my very first love.
Words and Music by Kyle Rasmussen
Copyright © 2001 by PsalmSinger Music (BMI). All rights reserved.
Administered by The Copyright Company, 40 Music Square East, Nashville, TN 37203.
Even in the difficulty of longing for another baby and having that dream fade before my eyes, my trust in and love for God supercedes all else. No other desire, no other emotion, no other priority deserves my surrendered devotion.
I have continually reread my favorite quote from Elisabeth Elliot's Through the Gates of Splendor:
"Cause and effect are in God's hands. Is it not the part of faith to simply let them rest there. God is God. I dethrone Him in my heart if I demand He act in ways that satisfy my idea of justice."
Thank-you for the loving prayers that have been offered as I continue to learn from this miscarriage to trust even more firmly on God and God alone.
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