Okay, so, really, a perfect marriage is not possible.  You know, thanks to the fall and us being human and all. . . but still, just as we are to strive toward the perfection of Christ in our personal life, we ought to strive toward that same perfection in each of our relationships.

I spent the month of October focusing on my marriage.  Well, that is to say that I did alot of reading on the subject, and alot of thinking; but not enough putting into practice what I read and thought.  Perhaps I over-complicate things like that so that the doing seems too daunting to begin.  Perhaps I get so caught up in the raising of children and the keeping of the home that I neglect my marriage and "put my husband on the shelf."  At any rate, Jason made it quite clear the other afternoon that he felt the neglect when he said, "Why don't you find some blogs for wives instead of all these blogs for moms?. . .  Hey, I know, why don't you start a blog just about marriage."  Poor thing.  I'm obviously not doing so good at making him feel important.  So, I spent some time thinking about what exactly is missing from my marriage -- what wifely roles am I neglecting -- that, if attended to would make Jason feel like a king and make the marriage feel more like the blessing that it should be.

I came up with Four Ps for a "Perfect" Marriage:

Pray

It is sad, and quite humbling, to admit that, while I pray for my husband, I do not pray as I ought.  My prayers are more the quick habit of the morning or the frustrated cries to God through the weekend.  I own a copy of The Power of a Praying Wife, and I've come across a very interesting Month of Prayer for Your Husband post; but I have not been faithful in unselfishly and faithfully praying for Jason.  Prayer for one's husband should be not be a flight of fancy, it should be a commitment to be a prayer warrior on behalf of the one that God has called you to be a helpmeet to.

Prioritize

Jason usually gets the last couple hours of my day, if that.  In the morning, it is time for God followed by dressing the kids and making them breakfast.  Although I do follow him to the door with a hug goodbye, that is about all the attention he gets in the morning.  Throughout the day I get wrapped up in the housekeeping and childraising, and often don't think much about my husband unless he "interrupts" the day with a phone call or unless I need something and find myself shooting a request via e-mail his way.  When he comes home I am usually grabbing my aching head or covering my tired ears as I scurry through the kitchen cooking or feed a baby or chase down a stinky diaper.  After dinner I clean, chase kids, or colapse into a tired heap in front of the television.  Add to that seasonal demands (like Christmas shopping), and Jason is lucky to get me from 10pm until we go to bed.  Again, it is my horrible habit of putting him on the shelf.  How do you prioritize a husband when the children and the house seem to demand so much though?. . .

Please

I'm in the middle of reading The Pace of a Hen (which is a wonderful book that I can't wait to share more of with you later).  In the chapter on marriage, the author, Josephine Benton, suggests coming up with a short list of things that you can do to make your husband's life more "pleasant."  This is not to be a complicated list of time-consuming projects, rather a short and simple list of easy-to-do tasks that will make your husband smile.  For Jason, it is things like, making a cup of coffee for him each morning, staying caught up on laundry, greeting him each evening with a smile on my face, and keeping the living room and kitchen picked up.

Personalize

And by personalize I mean "get intimate."  Just as women yearn for emotional connection, men yearn for physical connection.  I've learned alot about men, or at least my man, and physical intimacy in the last year or so.  First of all, I've learned that it isn't all about what happens in the bedroom.  Jason often wants a nice wet kiss in the middle of the day just so he can feel physically connected with me.  Husbands want intimate physcial contact through the day. . . not to "get ready for tonight" but just to connect.  Also, when it comes to physical intimacy in the bedroom, it is truly important to men, whether they say so or not, that the woman enjoy the experience as well.  There is nothing personal or intimate about a one-way physical experience.  Lastly, it is important for the woman to let go of inhibitions in the bedroom.  This can be difficult.  Many of us have been raised in Christian homes where physical intimacy, in its many forms, was blushed at to say the least.  Without going into detail, it is time to let go of your inhibitions, kick mom and dad out of your bedroom (figuratively, for, hopefully, they are not physcially in there), and let your time spent together be personal -- you and him.  Let it be a time to let go of self in order to serve your husband.

It is easy to remember "The Four Ps", but Practice is what makes perfect.  So pray to God for help, encouragement, strength, energy, gentle reminders, and even desire; and then look at each day as an opportunity to practice praying for, prioritizing, pleasing and getting personal with your husband.