Oh, my.  January simply slays me.  It literally becomes an month of anxiety and stress over night.  Yes, around December 31 the wicked wheels in my brain begin spinning at an uncontrolable rate.  I spend countless hours coming up with ways to change, to iimprove.  My list quickly becomes insurmountable, and I loose precious sleep and allow my house to become a mess and neglect my children a bit as I attempt to figure out how to accomplish all my new goals -- things like get more sleep, get the house clean and organized, and spend more time with the kids.

A few years back, while I was telling a friend of all the Christian "self-help" books I was reading and all the lists I was making, I was introduced to a wonderful book.  My friend meekly smiled and said that she had just the book I needed -- the only one, outside the Bible, that I needed to read for a while.  I was so excited, convinced she had found a book that covered all my weaknesses and a step-by-step plan to overcome each one.  I must admit I was a bit dismayed when she handed me what looked just like a children's book.  It was a small, square, hard-backed book.  The cover was green, and the slip-jacket bore a watercolor of a fruitful vine.  I thanked her for the book and waited until I got to my car to roll my eyes. 

But, I did look through the book a few days later, and it absolutely changed my life.  The book was a story based on John 15:1-8.  It told of a small, sickly plant who would look out his window every day at the strong vine across the way.  He wished he could be strong like and was so sad that he wasn't strong and flourishing.  One day a gardener takes the sick little plant and grafts it into the strong vine.  The plant is so excited and immediately begins to feel strong and healthy.  It doesn't take long, however, for the plant to get a little, shall we say, bummed out.  He looks at the other branches on the vine and notices that some of them are bearing lots and lots of fruit.  He knows this fruit makes the gardener happy, and he wants to bear fruit like that too, so he will please the gardener.  He begins to strain and struggle to make himself bear fruit; but the more he strives, the weaker he becomes.  It is at this point that the gardener tells him to stop trying; all he has to do is "abide" in the vine, and the vine will give all that the branch needs to bear fruit.  As soon as the branch stops striving, and just abides, he begins to get strong again and eventually bear fruit and then more fruit.

The book (the name and author of which I cannot remember, unfortunately) does not end there, but that was what I needed at the time. . . and what I continue to need every January.

I had a long list of "New Year's Resolutions."  Of course my biggy is to get organized, but somehow that seemed to simple.  But what is wrong with simple, for it is simplicity that brings with it peace and freedom from anxiety.

So, I'm trading in my list of twenty some resolutions for one big project (get organized) and a handfull of prayer requests to seek God's guidance and strength in.

Lord, help me this year to talk to You more.  Capture my attention through the day, so that I am brought to my knees in prayer and praise often.  Help me to take better care of myself, my body and emotions.  Help me to make Jason feel more important to me.  Help me to nurture my kids and provide for them a more consistent and healthy life style.  I can do none of this on my own, so stop me in my tracks when I start my manic listing and planning.  Help me put down my pen and turn to You in prayer.  Help me to listen to You.  In Jesus name, Amen.