Kids Baking I

• 2c. Shortening
• 6 Eggs
• 1tsp. Vanilla
• 1c. Sugar
• 2c. Brown Sugar
• 7c. All Purpose Flour
• 4tsp. Cream of Tartar
• 4tsp. Baking Soda
• 2tsp. Salt
• A couple dashes of Ground Nutmeg (optional)
• 1 bag Semi-Sweet Chocolate Chips
• 1 bag Mini Hershey Kisses (or Milk Chocolate Chips)
• 1 box of White Baking Chocolate, chopped

Jason has been out of town for a few days; and, let me tell you, last night was rough.  I always remember just how important Jason is to my sanity when he has goes out of town on business.

The kids were especially disobedient and rowdy and loud last night. . . I think they know when I'm at my weakest. . . but then, I should probably remember that I don't wrestle with my kids, I wrestle with "principalities and powers" who know when I'm at my weakest.  At any rate, I was weak.  I broke, several times.  I had spent an entire day cleaning and trying to talk an obstinate 4 year old into letting me read to him, not to mention shouting out threats and praying for help and crying at my lack of grace.

At the end of the day, I got them all in bed and just heaved a heavy sigh. . . and thought of their faces.  In spite of their sometimes "wicked ways," they really are an innocent little group.  Why do I find it so hard to show unconditional love?  Why do I so easily loose patience with such a cute and lovable bunch of kids?  They look to me with expectation, with trust, with confidence, with peace (as in the no-worries sort of peace).  Why do I so often fail and return their looks with anger?

Lord, help me never forget just how blest I am to have these three children.  They give me reason to be better, to want more, to try harder. . . to lean more fully on You.  Help me to live up to their expectations; but, more importantly, let me please You in everything I say and do with my children each day.

I've posted alot recently about how the "little monkeys" are driving me nuts.  So, just so you know I really love and even enjoy my children. . .

GORDON

Recently said, "I think I'll marry Teeny when I get big."

Told us he loved the Vietnamese resturant we took him to and that he wanted to go back some time.

Has what Jason calls "divets" in the corners of his mouth when he smiles.

TEENY

Can't smile on command without closing her eyes.

Missed a nap on our camping trip and got so tired she fell asleep that evening in a squatting position.

Will often say, "Mom, mom, mom," and look up very placidly at me.  zthis is how she tells me she wants a kiss.

BUD-JACK

Handled his immunization shots like a champ today.

Laughed and cooed as I rubbed his feet against my face the other day.

Is my first official thumb-sucker.

When God hits me with conviction and transformation, He hits me hard.  There are several devotions, scriptures, articles, and postings that have led me to what I'm about to write; so instead of going into detail about each one, I'm just going to list them here for you.

Me, Brutish? Surely Not.

Choice Young Men

The Genuine Christmas

Celebration of Discipline

Kolleenie on Patience

Galatians 6:1-10

This continuous onslaught of the Lord's reproof has led me to the frightful prayer for (gasp) more patience. . . and humility. . . and a servant's heart. . . and willingness to do whatever I'm called to as a mother.  Not that I have it that bad, really; but, you see that picture, that is just one second in a string of entire days filled with the monkey-like behavior of my children.  And, I have to say, it does begin to wear on a soul.

The innocent, funny monkey business of toddlers and preschoolers really isn't that bad; but what I've also been dealing with is the stubborn, disobedient, beligerant defiance of those same toddlers and preschoolers trying to be adults.  God really is sticking it to me -- I know, what was I thinking praying for patience!

So, here are some conclusions I've come to:

1. My children's response to correction and instruction is, largely, just a reflection of what they see me (and Jason) doing in response to correction and instruction.
2. I need to correct my own unwillingness to submit NOW while my kids are ripe for spiritual training.
3. I need to get over my constant dwelling on the "tough" moments of the day and submit myself to God.  Parenting isn't easy, but I need to be humble (to suffer loss of sleep, change many dirty diapers and wipe dirty booties, and watch my kids misbehave in public and then have to "deal" with them), I need to be willing (to go without a minute of peace and quiet for hours/days at a time, to give up control of the day's agenda and meet my kids where they are), I need to be obedient (to show gentle compassion even when it seems that angry shouts and threats are the only things working for me), I need to be serving (to the extent that I'm even a slave who expects nothing in return for the service rendered -- servants get paid, slaves serve with little to no recompense).
4. Patience and humility go hand-in-hand.  The reason I loose my patience is usually tied to my pride.  It is when I feel that I need to be in control, that things need to go the way I planned or the way I would like, that my children need to behave as I want them to. . . that I become impatient.
5. When my children misbehave, shouting, swatting, threatening, pleading. . . are all just my impatient reactions to having my pride threatened.
6. When my children misbehave, I need to humble myself, gently show them the way out of the offense, examine myself for the same incorrect attitude or behavior, train them to avoid a similar downfall in the future. . .  I need to humble myself to stop worrying about what the mother down the street thinks of me, my children, or my parenting. . .  I need to humble myself to wait and go through all the steps again and again until the training finally shows fruit.

This is probably the hardest lesson in motherhood.  It is emotionally and physically exhausting; but, I imagine, so rewarding at the end of it all.  So, I'll continue to pray for patience.  It is what I need to God to grow in me right now.  It is what my kids need God to grow in me right now.  Even if it hurts, I will humbly keep seeking patience.

I can't fall asleep tonight.  I'm too busy being beat up by the pains of motherhood.  Today, I witnessed my little boy get rejected twice, three times. . .  We don't often get out to play with the neighbor kids just yet.  I'm usually cleaning, cooking or nursing or otherwise tending to an infant (hopefully that part of the problem will soon begin to phase out a bit).  Gordon, who is my social bee, spends quite a bit of time begging to go out and play with the other kids.  He will literally sit by the window and give me "kid counts" as I nurse sometimes.  "Mom, there's three kids outside.  Can we go outside and play with them?"  It seems I'm always saying no and offering the backyard where I feel a little (though not much) safer letting him and Teeny play somewhat unattended.  He'd rather have the kids.

So, today, I did what I end up doing like once a week.  I mentally dismissed my lack of a menu and grocery list for the evenings shopping trip, shrugged my shoulders at dinner, and took the kids out to play.

First, there were the two older boys.  Somehow Gordon managed to follow them to another yard -- he finds the older kids quite amusing and entertaining -- where I heard them telling him and another boy to go away.  They were so anxious to get rid of their little tag-alongs that they began threatening to take the life of Santa Claus (to which one smart little guy replied, "It's not even Christmas.  Santa isn't coming yet.").  Gordon left them, walked somberly up to me; and I was preparing myself to respond to his fears for Santa's life when I came up against an even harder line, "Mommy, those boys don't like me."  I tried to explain that it wasn't that the boys didn't like him, they just had big boy things they wanted to do.  I then told him to play with the kids his own age.

So, he tried to get in on a game of soccer with a couple of twins his age.  They WOULD NOT let him in!  He kept looking at me like, "I want to play too."  Then he asked if he could go get his own toy to play with.  I went with him to the house to make sure he picked a toy that he could share and that would pose no drama if it got lost or broken outside.  He chose some matchbox cars and trucks which he willingly shared with all those kids who rejected him.

And how did they repay this kindness?  When they took up the soccer ball again, and he tried to get in on the game again, they rejected him again.  I told Gordon to get another ball and play kick with Teeny, which he tried to do; but, Teeny not yet at the age of "understanding cooperative play," pitched a bit of a fit and went and found another toy.  Rejected by his own sister.

It was so bad that, when I said it was time to go, he quickly picked up his toys and headed home.  This NEVER happens.

So, when my head hit the pillow tonight, and I had nothing to do but think, all this came whirling back through my mind.  I began to cry in sheer pain for my child.  How lonely he must have felt -- how terribly disappointed and sad and lonely.  And then, I remembered the worst part.  When we got back in, I needed to finish my grocery list, feed a baby, and figure out dinner in like 30 minutes.  I was frazzled and had a splitting head ache and. . . I rejected Gordon.  While he ran around playing in the living room, asking questions, getting loud, bugging his sister, irritating me. . . I responded sharply with, "Go downstairs!  Get, get out of here.  I have things I've got to do.  I said go now." 

How could I?  How on earth could I do that?  He came home probably thinking (on some level) that he was going to leave all those kids who didn't like him and didn't want him around and go home to the place where he knew he would be loved and where he had a mommy who wanted him around.  He didn't cry, but he didn't want to go downstairs to play.  He never mentioned it, but I can't believe it didn't hurt him at least a little to feel abandoned, rejected by his mommy -- to feel alone in his own home.

So, I'm up past midnight tonight feeling sheer pain, agony and an incredible amount of guilt.  What does a mother do with that?  At 12:30am?  She confesses her sin to God, she prays that she never forgets the look on her son's face and that line, "They don't like me," and she determines to NEVER under ANY circumstance EVER tell her little boy to "Get out of here" EVER AGAIN.

Oh, my, three is a trying age!  I love this little boy, I really do, but. . .  let's just say that we are ramming heads often lately.  I find it helps, in trying times such as these, to remember all the things I really do love about this big boy of mine.

1. He looks just like me sometimes.
2. He has the best little curls at the nape of his neck.
3. He would love nothing more than to help me cook.
4. He knows all I expect of him is to "do his best."
5. And he does it. . . sometimes.
6. He loves cheezies.
7. He says "beannas" and "lemolade."
8. He calls his sister "Teen."
9. He has the quirkiest, most amazing smile I've ever seen.
10. He has a very contagious laugh.
11. He wants to learn -- SO BAD.
12. He likes to play "captain" treasure hunt in the back yard.
13. He's been known to beg me for a piece of frozen broccoli to snack on.
14. He loves, loves, loves. . . people.
15. He still calls me "momma" when he is crying.
16. He still has me kiss his booboos (sometimes).
17. He loves his daddy and wants to be just like him.
18. He "slides" when playing baseball.
19. He's always quick to memorize his Bible verse.
20. He loves to sing.
21. He thinks that any dark covered hard bound book must be a hymnal.
22. He and Teeny are best friends (for now, and hopefully for some time to come).
23. He is a great story teller, just full of expression.
24. He likes to play pretend -- like The Three Billy Goats Gruff.
25. He'll "wrap up" his toys and give them to me as presents.
26. He gets very scared when he thinks Teeny is about to get hurt.
27. He is always forgiving, just like his daddy.
28. He likes to dance.
29. When he paints, he really paints -- the entire canvas or paper.
30. Though it is like going through a refiner's fire, he is making me a better person -- God is using him to make me the woman He wants me to be.

My little Gordon is already well on his way to training HIMSELF in the habit of accuracy. Here you see him engaged in his new favorite outdoor pastime:  pretending to hunt for hidden treasure. First he digs a shallow hole in the dirt, hides a treasure (a lego or a wrapped piece of candy), and buries it with some loose dirt.  Then he draws his treasure map, walks to another corner of the yard and begins his treasure hunt. It isn't as easy as you might think for a 3 1/2 year old to find such a treasure again; but he isn't fully trained in the habit of accuracy yet, so while he may remember the general area in which he hid his treasure, he can't yet pinpoint exactly where to dig.  He is teaching himself things like looking for ground that is soft rather than hard, looking for "landmarks", and estimating distance.  Kids really do teach themselves!

I probably would not have to do much to teach him accuracy.  Exposing him to such toys as shovels, dirt or sand, paper and pens. . . would provide opportunity for all the self-teaching he would need.  However, as Ms. Mason encourages training in the habit of accuracy, I am making this one of our goals for the months of September and October.  I clicked my way around the internet and came up with a nice list of accuracy training activities and disciplines.

1. Mommy gets in the habit of correcting improper pronunciation and word usage.  This will teach Gordon accuracy in speech and communication.
2. Mommy makes sure that numbers are counted off in the correct order with no omissions.  This will lay a foundation for accuracy in math work which will lay the foundation for accuracy in, say, budgeting.
3. Mommy has Gordon repeat spoken words and phrases correctly (like in a whisper down the lane type style).  This teaches Gordon accuracy in relaying information and will help Gordon when he is old enough to begin oral narration (CM method).
4. Mommy has Gordon begin to copy written line and shape patterns on paper.  This will lay the foundation for good penmenship and copywork (CM method).
5. Mommy has Gordon repeat clapped or stomped rhythms, encouraging an ear for the beats in music.
6. Mommy encourages Gordon describe the detail of such nature finds as leaves, flowers, trees, birds. . .  This will lay the foundation for nature journaling and properly identifying birds, trees, and flowers.  This eye for detail will one day make for work done properly with few, if any, mistakes.

All these little exercises are so easy to incorporate into the daily routine.  I don't have to schedule any of it on a daily planner.  I simply look for and seize the opportunities as they present themselves -- while catching a glimpse of a bird on the tree outside, playing in the leaves this fall, reading books during the day, coloring and drawing together, cuddling on the sofa after nap time, or listening to music together.  All I have to do is use my time wisely and provide just a few more opportunities for Gordon to teach himself the habit of accuracy.

Butterfly on Book

I was immediately drawn to the idea of Charlotte Mason's ideas on educating children the minute I began reading of them. Mixing the reading of good books and ample time outside exploring God's beautiful creation, Ms. Mason's methods sounded like just the type of thing I wanted to engage my children in as I homeschooled them.  I have spent probably the last year or so searching for more and more "Charlotte Mason."  I have found ideas on how to implement her philosophies, ideas for lesson plans and book lists and nature projects, and encouragement as I began to use these ideas with my children.  My search is far from over, but here is a list of my favorite online Charlotte Mason resources so far:

Ambleside Online

Probably the best know online Charlotte Mason cirriculum, Ambleside Online has it all.  You can access not only Ms. Mason's original series, but also a modern-day english version of her works as well as hundreds of articles from the original Parents Review magazines.  There is a book list and suggested cirriculum for each grade, a list of attainments for those children entering school, and several articles written by some of AO's advisory board members.  You can also access on-line texts of some of the recommended reading as well as AO's quarterly artist, composer, and Shakespeare studies.

Mater Amabilis

A wonderful Charlotte Mason cirriculum specifically for Catholics, but adaptable to any denominational preference.  I especially like the two-year cirriculla and the short but sweet suggestions for preschool.

Simply Charlotte Mason

This is my favorite Charlotte Mason site so far.  I rediscovered it just recently and was thrilled with their simple but specific suggestions for preschoolers and kindergardeners.  It also contains a lists of handicraft and life skills to teach your children as well as a "Charlotte Mason book finder."

Tanglewood Education

Another great Charlotte Mason cirriculum (who knew!?) that, unfortunately, only takes you through the 8th grade.  Maybe they will expand later.  My favorite features of this particular site are the way they suggest selecting your free-reads and their living history book recommendations.

Charlotte's Daughters -- Stories

A neatly outlined cirriculum taken from THE ORIGINAL Charlotte Mason school.  Great if you want to be perfectly authentic.

Penny Gardner's Website

Penny Gardner does a wonderful job of explaining and illustrating every aspect of the Charlotte Mason method and how to apply the principles to each school subject.  On her site you will find a list of both Old and New Testament Bible stories (listed under narration) as well as several living book lists, some of which are divied up by age.

NHCMSG Charlotte Mason Study Pages

These pages are just filled with information and links.  Through this site I have come upon tons of little ideas and been directed to many other CM friendly websites.  You'll find everything from other personal websites, character building Bible study sites, links to on-line texts and study questions for Ms. Mason's writings.  It is one of those sites you just sit down with and click around in for a morning.

Backyard Nature

Naturalist Jim Conrad has a wealth of information on his website.  There are helps and ideas and suggestions for nature study and notebooks; and, my favorite, he lists over 100 nature-related activities for each new season.

Macbeth's Opinion

Another site just full of valuable suggestions and ideas, especially in regards to nature study.  Macbeth has a separate page for each season.  All are loaded with nature study project ideas and suggestions for seasonal nature reading.  She also makes some field guide recommendations and covers such fun topics as making a nature study corner in your own backyard and camping for nature study.  There are also archives of her "Wild Monthly" online newsletter.

4 Real Learning

Includes several links to Catholic homeschool sites and some "suggestions at a cirriculum" or grade appropriate book lists.

Nature Study

This is a pretty little page I happened upon.  It gives a few simple ideas for nature study through the seasons of the year and recommends some beautiful nature and animal themed literature.

Just Playing

This site was recommended through one of the yahoo groups I have joined.  It has a midi for just about every nursery rhyme you can imagine as well as a few folk and other fun songs.  My kids and I have enjoyed spending time singing along to the tunes.

Songlists from Children's Folk Song Study

Another site I got through yahoo groups, this one lists all the folk songs and children's songs that are "essential" to the education of every child.

The Common Room

This has to be my absolute favorite blog.  The family of bloggers, lead primarily by their mother and teacher "The Deputy Headmistress" shares everything from beautiful photography, recipes, nature finds, poetry, and book recommendations to humorous posts on life, religion, and politics.  But, most importantly, the DHM, an AO advisory board member, often shares her thoughts on raising and schooling your children (with a CM perspective, of course).

Also, be sure to check out yahoo groups for forums designed for those educating or interested in educating their children using the Charlotte Mason method.

My day yesterday started perfectly!  I've been quite irritable with the kids lately and had decided to take yesterday "off" from housework to spend time rediscovering the joy of motherhood.  Inspired by my friend, Kolleen, I had set aside a whole "unplanned" day at my disposal to play with my kids, watch TV with them, read to them,. . . whatever.

So, our morning began with a donut breakfast with Daddy.  While waiting for the baby to wake, we made and played with play dough.

Then, after feeding the baby, we got ready and went for a little nature hike around the pond -- feeding ducks, getting scared by geese, picking up feathers and sticks and leaves and moss.

We even had an mini-picnic lunch and met some new friends.

When we returned, hot and worn-out, from our hike we had some banana cupcakes together; and then it was off to naps.

This is where things began to fell apart.  Gordon, in spite of rising an hour early that morning and hiking over 2 miles, refused to take a nap.  In fact, he decided to do as much noise-making as possible (I think in an attempt to wake Teeny up, but I don't want to be accusatory).

When he did manage to wake Teeny up, the two went down to the playroom while I putzed around on the computer.  When I went down to tell them I was going to feed the baby, guess what greeted me!  "We painted, mom."  Yes, Gordon had broken into the laundry room where our craft stuff is currently stored, got out two bottles of acrylic paint (very large bottles), squirted them on the laundry room floor, mixed them together to make a lovely shade of rose, and proceded to handpring the laundry room wall and paint the doors and walls of the playroom!  Oh, yes, and it seems he was also trying to dye the carpets to match as he walked through his palette on the laundry room floor and tracked it all over the playroom.

Needless to say I was livid.  This rage quickly turned to defeat.  "Even when I have a good day, it can't be a 'good day'," I thought to myself.  How can I even think about homeschooling when my kids can get my feathers up so easily and when I can't even keep a close enough eye on them to keep entire rooms from changing colors?

Fortunately, the devotion I read this morning encouraged me to get out from under that defeat, self-pity, depression. . . and start looking at my problems -- anger, irritability, children with a too-artistic flair -- from "far above all" with Christ.  Instead of looking at these frustrations with my human, selfish eyes, I need to look at them with the wise and loving eyes of Christ.  It is then that I will be given wisdom and every fruit needed to make it through. . .WITH FLYING COLORS!

A Mother and Children Reading

While I've been busy unpacking and setting up house, I have sorely neglected my children.  I haven't taken them out (though the heat would have cancelled out any plans for walks and such) and I haven't read a whole lot to them lately.  Yes, I feel guilty.

It has gotten to the point that Gordon has been asking repeatedly that I "teach him words so he can read" to himself.  I guess this is a good thing -- in a way.  I never imagined he'd want to read on his own so soon.  I truly figured I had a good couple years ahead of us for reading prep.  Gordon has different plans; so, I guess VERY informal schooling will start this fall -- VERY informal.  He doesn't even know his letters by sight yet, so we will do the old CM (Charlotte Mason) method of teaching one letter at a time.  That in itself should take a while.  Then we will move on to simple words in nursery rhymes.  It is actually kind of exciting.

In other schooling thoughts. . .  I'm hoping to find some nature "activities" to do this fall with the help of some of my favorite CM nature study links.  I'll list them some other time -- when I figure out how to .  And I'm thinking I should divy up our books so that Gordon isn't having to read the same "year 0" books (and lists of books to buy) over and over for the next 3 years (Teeny too).

Well, plenty for me to list about!!!  That always makes me feel warm and fuzzy inside.

The past couple of days, I've been exasperated with being called away from my packing and cleaning by a little girl in tears.  And then, yesterday, it escalated to full-blown fits of rage.  "Why is she doing this?  What is wrong with her?!" I asked myself (and anyone who would listen) in frustration.

Also, the past few nights, as I get ready for bed, I am overtaken with feelings of panic and anxiety.  I'm not really sure what exactly I'm "nervous" or "anxious" about.  I just look at a pile of boxes or an empty place where furniture used to be and my heart starts racing and I get all panicky.  Perhaps it is simply because I hate change -- always have -- even good change.

Enter my lightbulb moment last night!  WHAT IF, Teeny is JUST LIKE ME?!  WHAT IF the sight of her things being boxed up, her pets being shipped off, her house being undone,. . . makes her feel. . .well, anxious?  And, on top of that, she has no idea WHY all this is happening; and even if I tried to explain, she still wouldn't really grasp it. 

So, today, I'm going to be quick to give that little girl extra hugs, kisses, cuddles and reassurances that she is loved.

The Attentive Nurse, circa 1738

I felt a bit like Clara Barton today.  Gordon and Teeny both came down with the "nasties."  The ran fevers of well over 100 degrees all day, and had me constantly on my feet.  Ok, so, not really on my feet. . . more like sitting with them on the sofa stroking their foreheads, cooling them with wet rags, singing nursery rhymes to them, or just listening to their whimpers and whines.

But, when I was not attending to my patients or nursing Bud-Jack (and praying for his health), I was helping Jason with the packing.  So, I was on my feet some.  What mother could go a whole day NOT on her feet without a doctor ordering bed-rest?