Description
Just learning to be who I am..but still trying to find out who that is.
Love my kids, of which I have 6
Some are now homeschooled, and some are not.
Working, going to school, and trying to be there for everyone and everything.
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the future
is really scary.
But, not really.
Right now I am a total contradiction in feelings. I have no control of what I feel.
I want to be happy..actually I am. I am really really happy.
I am happy that my kids are doing well in school. I am happy that I am going to graduate a homeschooler.
I am happy that I have a job and I am happy that I found my family, both mother and father
BUT............................
I am also sad.
I am sad that my kids are in school. I miss them here. I am sad that I might not have a chance to homeschool after my son is done. I am sad that I have a job. (hate being away from my kids). I am sad that I found my mother and father..after such a long time and such a huge divide.
see, contradictions.
When I last spoke to Frank, about a week ago, he said I really sounded happy. And I could truthfully say that I was happy. I have so much to be happy about.
But there is much to be sad about.
BUT..............the best thing to be happy about is the future. I have so much to look forward to that if I never get anything from this day forward I won't miss it.
I have so much more than I did...and I need to realize that ASAP.
So, sorry I said I hated my mother, because I don't. I just Hate what she did..not her. I don't even know her. I want to know her..I want to and then again....(contradictions) |
Posted: 1:26 PM, Sep. 10, 2008 |
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