I can't stop asking God, "What do you want me to do?"  Why can't I just be?  I grab and hang on to control to only find myself out of control.  Why do I need control?  Why does control make me feel so good and secure?  Is that bad or good? Order is so important to me.  It's like I can't function unless everything is in order.  Since it's almost impossible to keep 4 big kids, 1 dog, 2 cats, 2 guinea pigs, and 1 husband in order, I spend lots of time feeling out of control. Again, I'm trying to do instead of just be. Be in His presence. Be in His love. Be in His grace. Be in His joy. Be in His peace. I need to let what God has already deposited inside of me, radiate out. I need to stop trying to control everything around me and drink in who these wonderful people are. Love them right here, right now, exactly where they are. My flesh says~Anna is messy, Lydia is bossy, Levi is lazy, Abby is withdrawn.  But my spirit says~Anna is creative, Lydia is a leader, Levi is easy-going, Abby is peaceful. I don't need to make them do, but let them be who God is making them into. I'm not in control, but God is.  He does a way better job than me.  Can I trust Him? Will I trust Him?

I don't want to miss who they are. I don't want to miss out on who I am and who Lewis and I are together.  I want to abide in Him. When I abide in Him the fruit is plentiful.  I can't work my way to it, but just abide and be in His love and fruit will come. 

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Posted by Rachelmn

I hear ya! I struggle with the same thing. I have been wrestling, why do I find it so important that I fight against it.:(
Love ya girl!

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Posted by LeslieN

This is hard for me too! It's so much easier to DO - and there are always so many things that need DOING! Sigh. You are right though - I also need to learn to be - and to let my children have that same freedom.

Love,
Leslie

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Posted by Kristina

Thank you Marcia for what you have shared. While reading it my eyes just teared up ~ it goes against the flesh doesn't it?

Your kids and dh are so blessed to have you in their lives!

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Posted by Mi-chelle

Wow! that is so much like me as well. I really needed to be reminded of this. Especially the part about how your spirit sees your children.

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