Saturday, May 6, 2006 - Grieved and discouraged
I had heard some ugly things that were supposedly quotes from the Pearls, one of which cut me to the core. I was angry but wanted to go and check it out for myself in light of my bad habit of being judgmental. I found this written on their website nogreaterjoy.org in an article entitled Abusive Husband:
But if your husband has s*xually molested the children, you should approach him with it. If he is truly repentant (not just exposed) and is willing to seek counseling, you may feel comfortable giving him an opportunity to prove himself, as long as you know the children are safe. If there is any thought that they are not safe, or if he is not repentant and willing to seek help, then go to the law and have him arrested. Stick by him, but testify against him in court. Have him do about 10 to 20 years, and by the time he gets out, you will have raised the kids, and you can be waiting for him with open arms of forgiveness and restitution. Will this glorify God? Forever. You ask, "What if he doesnt repent even then?" Then you will be rewarded in heaven equal to the martyrs, and God will have something to rub in the Devils face. God hates divorcealways, forever, regardless, without exception.
What about the children God entrusted you to care for?! How about meeting their needs!
I'm confused.
I read another article on this same site that told a woman that she should let her adulterous man go because the fact that he had "been" with someone else meant that they were already biblically divorced...How is this any different? Why should he be allowed to stay in this situation?!
I was raised in a home where abuse was ignored except to be joked about. When it became clear that I would no longer keep my mouth shut I was abandoned and ridiculed by my family.
I cannot tell you what my mother and grandmother did to me by taking the abuser's side.
I don't say this for anyone's pity. In His time, even this pain was used to strengthen me. I can assure you that there is no greater defender of my children (aside from the Lord himself) than this ferocious momma.
I am just saddened by this statement. I have enjoyed and learned so much from their teaching, but this one part of an otherwise wonderful article is a huge disappointment.
Does this mean I'm going to join any boycott over the Pearl's? hardly...
I am not angry with them. I still respect and admire them and their teaching, I just think that they goofed on this one.
ETA: In further reading this website www.nogreaterjoy.org , I have just come across more of the attitude about abuse that is so wounding to me...
If your husband is sexually abusing the children, or if he is bone-breaking violent, take it to the church. If he does not immediately repent and come under discipline, call the law and have him arrested. Whining promises followed by promises and broken promises and more promises is not acceptable. After being confronted for sexually abusing the children, if your husband does not repent in sackcloth and ashes, to never do it again, turn him over to the authorities. Testify against him, and when he gets three to twenty years in the pen, go to visit him and faithfully wait for him to get out.
This is from an article entitled "P*rnography- Road to H*ll" (if that ends up looking like a link, it's not. I don't know why it appears as one.)
I would beg you from the bottom of my heart, if your children are being abused by anyone in this way DO NOT just take it to the church. If my family had been Christians when they didn't protect us, I don't know how I would have ever come to know the Lord.
This is not simply a matter of unforgiveness.
There are consequences to every sin, even those that are forgiven. Here's my example...
A few years ago my dh and I were looking to buy a house. We found the house of our dreams and set up an appointment to see it. When we filled out the applications we were denied because of bad credit. We made some idiot mistakes and didn't take care of our bills as we should have. This was a sin.
Now I know that the Lord had forgiven us of this sin, no question about it, but as a consequence to that sin we lost any chance of getting a home loan for a long time.
See what I mean?
Every sin has a consequence here on Earth.
That is life.
The consequence to our sin was losing out on the house we dearly loved and wanted.
The consequence to the sin of s*xual abuse happens to be prison.
That's life.
God does and will forgive child m*lesters, but they still must face the consequences of thier sins, just like the rest of us.
Comments
Saturday, May 6, 2006 - I agree with you
Posted by hmschlmomto2
I agree with you 1000%. It makes me angry to think that he has said these things and so many people follow him hook line and sinker. I have to wonder how many children out there are paying the price for this ignorant "advice".
I might just have to blog about this one. I have stayed out of the whole controversy but the more I hear the angrier I get. Thank you for pointing this out to me.
God Bless,
Pam
Saturday, May 6, 2006 - A sad situation
Posted by Anonymous
I love research. And because of that, I have come across some pretty sad statistics. One out of every three girls will be sexually abused by 18 years of age and one out of every five boys. Ninety seven percent of the abusers are male. Does this make all males evil? Heavens no! But it does say a couple of things that we need to pay attention to. Our children are sitting ducks and having had my share of abuse from outside of our family, I was a ferocious and protective mother. My personal belief is that abusers should be neutered because it removes the sex drive entirely as well as the ability to abuse. Each child is precious--that's perhaps why Jesus said it was better for a millstone to be tied around our necks than for us to cause a single little one to fall. There is a heavy judgement waiting for those who abuse children. At first glance, one would think I am a vicious person for suggesting neutering but that's exactly what ancient courts did. They neutered grown men so they could tend to the Royal women without having desire for them. They were called Eunichs and held a place of honour in the royal court because of their position near the Queens and Princesses. If it worked so well then, why can't we do it now for sex offenders. I realize the women offenders wouldn't be affected but sexual abuse would be cut by ninety seven percent if first time offenders never got a second chance. Call me brutal but I says it as I sees it.
Saturday, May 6, 2006 - You scared me anonymous friend!
I freaked out at the email that announced a comment by "anonymous", cause I knew it wasn't my friend Ms. Anonymous (I always know when she's online at the same time I am cause she's on my "buddy list").
Praise God I was pleasantly surpised, I so feared a brutal comment...
eta:
My husband brought up that very same verse today when I told him what I was blogging about today. Thanks for throwing that in there!
Edited by tallenmomof5 on Saturday, May 6, 2006 at 5:35 PM
Sunday, May 7, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by ChathamMommy
Trish:
I often think that when we go through tough things, we get a choice. We can use the situation to become bitter, or we can use it to change things. I think you're using your situation to change things. *hugs* I agree with you 100% BUT I think if the molesting husband is a Christian, you should go to the church first. He needs to pay up the spiritual price first. Then, regardless of what happens with the church, you need to go to the authorities and pay the civil price. "Render unto Caesar..."
I truly hope that didn't cause you any pain; that is just the way that I see it based on the Bible. I'll look up references later; right now I have three children crawling on me. *wry smile*
Sunday, May 7, 2006 - Not offended in the least
Posted by tallenmomof5
I can see going to the church first as long as the authorities are involved immediately after...as in call them from the church or leave the church and drive directly to the police station.
I just don't agree with letting the church scold him and then taking him home to the kids if he "promises" to behave.
Tell me something though...If he cut his daughter's hand off would you (not actually you, just a general "you") take him to the church first? Probably not. This is no different. Just as the girl that lost her hand would be handicapped (in a sense), so is any child that is molested- the scars are just easier to hide.
I would like to see those references if you get a chance.
I totally understand about the kids crawing over you, I don't remember the last time I got to type with both hands without at least one in my lap.
Love,
Trish
Sunday, May 7, 2006 - Thoughts
I appreciate well meaning people who write things to help others. However, I think some folks overstep their bounds and try to be the Holy Spirit to others. While I have benefitted from the ministry of the Pearls, I also disagree with some of their philosphies and definitely disagree with the way they say, "Do this," and "Do that" when they have no idea of all the individual situations to which they are speaking. Only God knows the particulars of each person's life.
I also think they make assumptions about a lot of things and forget that we don't live in an ideal world. For example, it's great to take matters to the church if you happen to go to a church which understands authority and where the leadership is grounded in the word of God and able to offer wise counsel, but the fact is that a lot of churches today don't fit that description.
I have a dear friend that is so devoted to God and yet is going through a nasty divorce at present. For many years she lived with a man who made her life and the life of her children a living h*ll. She did all the right things that a Biblical wife is to do and lived each day in fear that she and her children might not be alive the next day. Finally, she made a decision. This was wrong. It wasn't honoring God to risk their lives just to submit to this mentally ill man who refused to get help or change. She took the children and left and eventually filed for divorce. Lots of folks have judged her. I doubt the Pearls would have agreed with the way she handled things. But God has been so loving and kind, providing for her needs in such beautiful, miraculous ways. And her children have blossomed. I'm glad she listened to the Holy Spirit and her own heart instead of anyone else.
Understand, I'm not Pearl bashing here. I like a lot of their thoughts and know that they've helped lots of folks, but they are human too. What I have the most problem with is people who follow them so devotedly that they view their words as the gospel truth, rather than going to the gospel to find the truth.
I'm so sorry for the abuse you endured. I encourage you to let the word of God be your rock and not other's interpretations of the word of God. Thanks for sharing so openly about your pain and God's grace.
Edited by Lilliepad on Sunday, May 7, 2006 at 6:44 PM
Monday, May 8, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by maureenmichele
I am not going to say too much about the Pearls, but it is always wise to remember that the Pearls did not write the Bible, and no one ought to treat them like they did, NOR should anyone spend more time reading them than God's Word. Nuff Said.
Monday, May 8, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by ChathamMommy
Still short on time (and likely to be all this week), but here is the reason behind me thinking that bringing the spouse to the church is important:
Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. Galatians 6:1
I agree that abuse is a terrible sin. So is rape. The issue here, however, is someone's eternal soul. If there is the slightest chance that the abuser will repent and come back to the fold, then it has to be presented. God doesn't want anyone to perish for eternity, no matter what their sin.
I sincerely pray that this doesn't hurt or offend you. The abused party is very important to God, too. But both sides should be brought to/ back to God if at all possible. That is, after all, our entire mission in life.
Prayerfully,
Chelo
Monday, May 8, 2006 - Untitled Comment
Posted by tallenmomof5
I SO get that, but my focus has to be on all of the children that could possibly be turned away from the Lord by the way a "Christian" child molester may (or may not be) punished.
I know that you have a loving heart and a kind spirit and that you are my sister in Christ. Your comments don't hurt or offend me because I know that they are in love. Thank you for reminding us that God loves ALL sinners, despite how much that sin hurts.
My point is that this sin is just as bad as murder.
I am healing and will continue to heal by the grace of God, but it has been a long ugly process. In another comment you spoke of how bitter I COULD be...I was that bitter soul for years before Christ. I let some men's sins hold me captive and weigh me down and I was like a wounded animal lashing out at anyone who came close enough even when they were just trying to help.
My marriage and husband paid a heavy price for those sins. It has taken years to be restored and finally have a "normal" physical relationship with my husband. All because some men were selfish and used thier size and power over me to fill some lustful need.
They stole something from me that I can't have back. They killed a part of me that only Christ could give back. I have nightmares and can't look a man other than my husband in the eye over this sin.
I know that Christ loves and forgives and even died for child molesters.
I am a victim of thier sin and as such feel a need to make it stop.
You can worry about thier souls, I'm worried about thier victims souls. (As I know you are.)
I love your heart!
Blessings,
Trish
Monday, May 8, 2006 - Pearl's advice
Posted by Anonymous
Thanks for sharing so openly Trish - you have a right to feel so passionate! I, like so many other posts here, feel the Pearls overstep their bounds in some areas. On this issue - the Lord is not hindered at all from dealing with that person IN PRISON! I pray that there are not multitudes of children that are affected by this advice!