Homeschooling Triplets

Mar. 19, 2007

Christianity and Divorce

Well here is a doozie of a question. I don't want this to cause fights or anything (not that that many people read this blog anyway). But I would like to know your thoughts on this subject. Don't worry I have NO intentions of getting one!!!

Divorce.

I believe that when someone gets a divorce that if they ask God for forgiveness then the slate is wiped clean including if they have been remarried. And therefore, they should still try to live righteously and "start anew".

My MIL believes that when someone gets a divorce , then gets remarried then they committ adultry and continue to live in adultry. She believes that they can ask God to forgive them, but if they remain married then they are still remaining in sin.

I have searched the Bible (last night) and I really can't find anything that supports either case. I have found that (even though it's a hard concept for me to swallow) that indeed at least one act of adultry is committed.

Matthew 5:31-32 "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery.

That's really hard for me to understand.

But this is the situation:

#1 We both can agree that God does not like divorce, and that it was intended to be a sacred bond.

#2 We both can agree that adultery in committed.

#3 Where we difer is when someone remarrys are they continueing to live in sin or not?

I found something fascinating on the internet that doesn't prove what God thinks, but it is something to think about:

" Although the act of consummating a 2nd marriage generally involves adultery, remarriage itself is not an adulterous state. If it were considered to be adultrous in the Hebrew Scriptures, then the couple would be executed by stoning. Yet the Hebrew Scriptures indicate that couples were free to divorce and remarry."

I would really like your thoughts on this and pass this on to anyone else who might have an opinion. I'm searching and I just want to understand. Thanks! Chelle

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Comments

Mar. 20, 2007 - KJB to the Rescue

Posted by diamondsintherough

Hi Chelle,
I am no authority, but the Bible is. The problem is that the conclusion you draw is going to depend on which Bible you believe is God’s Word. So when you get that decided, then you will know the answer to your question.
Personally, I believe the King James Bible is God’s preserved Word for English speaking people. That is a whole ‘nother issue. But the divorce thing is easy to understand when you study it there. The Jews practiced betrothal. If a man married a woman and found out that she was not a virgin, he could divorce her. She had committed fornication before they were married. “Whosoever shall put away his wife, except it be for fornication, and shall marry another, committeth adultery.” Matthew19:9. (It doesn't say there that it is for marital unfaithfulness.) In the OT, they were allowed to divorce, or “put away” their wife, which Jesus said God allowed because of the hardness of their hearts. It doesn’t say they were allowed to remarry as a divorced person. The Bible says, (also Mt 19:9) “and whoso marrieth her which is put away doth commit adultery.” “The woman is bound by the law to her husband as long as her husband liveth.” Romans 7:1,2. Yes, divorced people who are remarried are living in adultery. Sounds harsh, doesn't it?
So then, there is no scriptural basis for divorce. Marriage is a type of salvation, and a type of Christ and his pure bride. Allowing a breach in that is like saying you can be rejected by Christ after he has already taken you as his own. It is not consistent with his character. Granted, many people go through terrible marriages and troubles in their relationships that are caused either by their own sins or by someone else’s, or both. I don’t believe that if a woman is being beat, she is wrong to leave. But she is not free to divorce her husband and remarry. The same goes if he is adulterous. There is NOTHING God cannot forgive, and although adultery is a giant breach of trust, it can be forgiven. That is a choice. Unfortunately divorce is so prevalent in our society, that marriage has lost its sacredness to us. But God hasn’t changed.
I hope this helps, or at least gives you food for thought.
In Him,
Sally

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Mar. 23, 2007 - GREEK

Posted by short

I was random blogging and found your blog. I'm with Sally on this one. I too am not an expert and I too believe that there are no Biblical grounds for divorce once marriage has taken place. Look at the example of Mary and Joseph. They were not married, she was pregnant. He therefore according to the Law, had every right to divorce her because it appeared that she had 'been' with someone else before the Covenant between herself and Joseph had been sealed. He pretty much knew it wasn't him who made her pregnant ;-) and it took some convincing from the Angel for him not to divorce her. I'm sure you have heard about the proof of virginity 'blood on the sheet' test? There is more to this than meets the eye. Familiarity with the culture of the day helps. Sorry to be so long winded but it is quite exciting. In John 14:2, 3, Jesus talks about His Father's mansion and going and preparing a place, coming back etc etc. The audience of the day knew exactly what He was talking about. That is what the groom would do. I'm abbreviating for the sake of time and space. He would find a bride, they would be betrothed (as Sally said) and he would go and build onto his father's home. She would then begin to prepare for married life, all the time keeping a look out for her groom to come and get her, keeping herself pure for him. (The parables of the virgins). The groom could come at any time of the day or night (as Jesus is going to when He returns which is why we must be faithful and vigilant) and she had to be ready! When the groom did come back, they would have a wedding party then and there (the marriage of the Lamb) and then the marriage would be consummated. If the groom found that during the betrothal time when she should have been keeping herself for him she had been unfaithful, (marital unfaithfulness - porneia) he had every right to publicly announce to the crowd waiting outside the marriage tent that he was divorcing her. (well done my good and faithful servant or not). The Levitical Laws have protection for the Bride too just out of interest.
It is probably best to look at these NT texts in the original Greek, actually there are 2 very important words that might make it easier to understand that there is a distinction.....
"And I say to you: whoever divorces his wife, except for Porneia, and marries another, commits adultery." Porneia does not mean adultery as we know it today. We get the words 'p*rn' and 'fornication' from this Greek word. It pertains to the betrothal period and not to after marriage. The word used for marital unfaithfulness after marriage is Morkea. Covenant is for life, whether it was made before meeting Christ or after. God honors covenants made between unBelievers the same as He honors those made between Believers. That is why we can be unequally yoked...... I digress. The point is that we are supposed to Forgive. If our spouses are unfaithful to us (Morkea) we are to forgive and take them back. If we can not do this and have to divorce, we are not to be re-married. That is creating a new covenant with yet another person.
In today's society both in churches and out, marriage, divorce and re-marriage is widely accepted. That was never God's intention. That doesn't make it ok. Praise God there is forgiveness for sin of any kind.

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Mar. 25, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by DanielleW

This is a subject that I have studied out because it is something that many have pushed me on. There are many, MANY people that believe I should have divorced my husband. He has been unfaithful, broke our marriage vowels and is now in prison for other crimes he committed.

I believe that divorce is wrong. I belive that the Bible says so to. God hates divorce. He *allowed* them to give their wives a divorce because of the hardness of their hearts.

I do belive that I could divorce my husband but that I would never, ever be premitted to remarry, until he dies. The reason that the Bible says "except in fornication" (My paraphrase) is because fornication has already occurred.

Do I think that people can be forgiven for their sin? Yes! But I don't think that they should say to themselves, "I can get a divorce and get remarried because God will forgive me." I also don't think that if someone is divorced and remarried that they should get another divorce. I think they should stay married. Ask for for forgiveness and move on from there.

I was really up in the air of what I should do. Whether I should stay or leave my husband. My pastor's wife gave me the best advice. She told me that I had to get alone with the Holy Spirit, and my Bible and the two of us (HS and me) needed to make the descion. I could be talked in and out of either or but when I knew that it was what God wanted, it would carry me through the hard times. What wonderful, wonderful advice she gave. I really struggled at first. But finally I surrendered my will to His and told God, "Whatever You want of me, that is what I'll do. If You want me to get divorced and never remarry, that's what I will do. If you want me to stay with him, I will do that to."

I didn't "hear" an audible voice but there was a clear voice inside my head that said, "Stay." That was it and overwhelming peace. Praise the Lord for His speaking to me.

Some times I think that I am still married because it is a protection for me. I could easily see myself seeking a new husband even though I KNOW it would be a sin. Staying married has held me accoutable. It has kept me safe.

I believe that I God has blessed me beyond measure for being obedient. I also think that many, many people would not be divorced if they would have allowed God to make the choice for them.

This also does not apply to unsaved people at all.

And since I'm already being long winded, I'll add another thing. This also should make us be EXTRA careful in chosing a mate as well as helping our children chose a mate. My DS is only 6 but I am guiding him in how to chose a wife but things that I am doing. I pray for his future spouse wherever she is. I pray for her parents as they raise my future DIL.

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Mar. 25, 2007 - Hey thanks for visiting.

Posted by MOMflippedisWOW

Wow. This post of yours is interesting as I'm celebrating my ten year anniversary with my second husband.

When I was studying the Bible in college, I remember Jesus advising that new Christians could divorce their spouses for believing differently. But for my own story:

When I stood up in church in front of the Lord and both our families, I took those vows very seriously. Turns out I married an extremely violant manic depressive. In four years of marriage, he took out sixteen doors, beat me numerous times, and basically removed the desire to live from me.

We had one beautiful child together. When she was twenty months, I learned I was pregnant. For me, another child was wonderful! I found out he felt differently when he beat that child out of me. Then, while I was miscarrying, he left me alone with no way to get to the hospital as he and his father went out to celebrate the loss of the child.

One would think that that would have been enough. It
certainly killed my love for him, but not enough to leave him. Only when I realized what damage he would and could render to our daughter did I get the backbone to pray hard and ask God's forgiveness for breaking my vows and then I divorced him and never looked back.

Unfortunately, children can not divorce their fathers. The things this name has done to her is beyond comprehension. Just for the sake of giving a breif veiw of her life, I'll expound a bit more.

He returned her to me age 3 hysterical. He went off on her because she accidentily touched the tip of the syrup bottle to her eggo. Age 8, he went off because she spilt his ice tea. Age 11, he told her he wanted her to have her birthday present early, as he was celebrating her birthday by commiting suicide. Age 14, he dumped her on the side of the road and told her he was going home to get his gun and come back and kill her, me and her best friend and her best friend's family.

The sad part is that this is only a brief overview of all she (we) have been through. The courts offer no protection. I would have never married again, but a college sweetheart, had waited 14 years to marry me.

He has been a wonderful father to my daughter. An awesome husband to me, and together we treasure the child God granted us both.

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Oct. 21, 2007 - divorce

Posted by hansmom

I also found this page randomly and I would like to point out in Ezra chapter 10 there is a mass divorce ceremony for the Israelites based on differing religious beliefs. This is God's will (vs 11) and most Christians believe God is UNCHANGING.

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Nov. 4, 2007 - Untitled Comment

Posted by Melanie

But this is not the whole story. "The Lord is merciful and gracious, slow to anger, and plenteous in mercy . . . For He knoweth our frame; He remembereth that we are dust" (Psalm 103:8, 14). "If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins" (I John 1:9). This promise is specifically for Christians, and includes even the sin of adultery, if there is genuine repentance. The Lord made this very clear in His dealing with the woman who "was taken in adultery, in the very act" (John 8:4). He reminded her accusers that they also were sinners and had no warrant to punish her. Then He told the woman: "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more" (John 8:11).

He in no way condoned her sin, but He did forgive her sin, when she gave evidence of godly sorrow and determination not to sin again in this way. Under such conditions, His followers would do well to follow His example. At least in this particular context, He put no further conditions on her freedom, either to return to her husband if he would have her, or to marry another if she were already divorced.

There is one other important Biblical factor to consider in divorce-and-remarriage situations. A Christian should never marry a non-Christian, as this almost inevitably leads to serious friction in the home later on unless the unsaved partner can, by God's grace, be won to Christ. "Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers" (II Corinthians 6:14).

Nevertheless, many Christians insist on doing this very thing. And then what? Also, a person may become a believer after marriage, with the partner still unsaved. In either case, there is an unequal yoke, and the Christian husband or wife may come to desire release from this yoke. The Apostle Paul commands in this case: "…If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him." (I Corinthians 7:12, 13). The next verse indicates this is especially important for the sake of the children, who are often the ones hurt most by a divorce.

But suppose the unsaved spouse is the one who insists on a divorce. "If the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace" (I Corinthians 7:15).

This obviously means that the Christian husband or wife is then at liberty to remarry. In fact, if there are children involved, and if a caring Christian spouse can be found, it would be good to remarry, for children need the love and guidance of both a father and mother, provided, of course, that the stepmother or stepfather is "in the Lord" (I Corinthians 7:39) and desires to assume such a responsibility.

By extension, these principles could be applied to other situations that the Scriptures do not cover explicitly. As noted above, God is able and willing to forgive all sins, including even the sin of getting a divorce for trivial reasons. He has called us to peace, not legal bondage, and He can make a good marriage and a happy home no matter what the previous history of the people involved may have been, provided that true repentance, proper restitution, and genuine saving faith and sincere desire to serve the Lord now exist in their lives.

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About Me

Hi I'm Chelle. I have 4 year old triplets whom I am teaching preschool. I've been using www.letteroftheweek.com since they were 2. Now I am using Little Hands to Heaven. It's very easy for my kids, but it is getting me in practice of teaching everyday for next year.