Posted in The Eyes of My Soul
I have never been one to really have friends. I mean, in elementary school I had a couple friends. In Junior High (middle school) I had one friend. In High School I had a couple friends, but only one that I actually hung out with. After I gave my heart to Christ in High School, all of the remaining friends I had acquired disappeared. I can't say I cared much. Then I made friends at the church I was saved in. All of it was short lived and that hurt.
I'm going to share my heart and random thoughts concerning friendship.
I have always wondered what happened to the value of friendship. I have always wondered why, with time, friendships take a back seat. It's like, there is no time anymore to develop a quality, lasting friendship. I guess I am the type of person who likes to have that one friend to hang out with, to call just because, go to each others house with the kids and chill, never have to have a reason to come by and say hey, talking everyday even for just a minute, being mischevious together...ultimately...having each others back no matter what.
I have always wanted a friend like this. Are my desires to far fetched? I don't think so. My mom has known her best friend for over 30 years. It has taken time and they have been through their share of stuff, but they always came back together and did everything together even if that meant taking all of us kids along. They would do anything for each other. I desperately envy that and long for that...it's like a deep aching in my soul to have that kind of girlfriend in my life.
I have found that people are too busy to make time to cultivate long lasting, beautiful friendships. This is really sad because God created us to be relational and I believe those relations exceed family relations. My mom didn't neglect us because she had a friend. They made time for each other...operative word "made"...second operative "time". So what happened? I don't know. I know that I don't HAVE to be busy all the time. I was in the grocery store last week and a lady that I knew last year (she was the kids bus driver) spoke to me. She asked me if I was keeping busy. I looked at her puzzled and said, "No actually keeping busy causes me stress. Besides that, if I am SO busy then I don't have time for my friends, things I like to do, and spontaneous activities with my family." She just stood there and looked at me like "OOOOk I wasn't asking for all of that, I was just making small talk"...LOL. I knew she was just making small talk, but that is one question that rubs me the wrong way.
Because of hurt, I stopped reaching out to people. I pushed aside the deep, continually growing desire, to have that close friend. But, you know, over time, I couldn't ignore the thing God put in me and that is, as a woman I am relationship oriented...the way He made me and every other woman. I want my daughters to have this kind of friendship with each other and with a friend of their own. I am not exactly an example to them of ever having this kind of friendship, but God can do anything.
