The onset of puberty is happening faster and faster, among girls and boys. As parents, we need to try to do everything we can to slow this onset. Why?
Here’s a quick list:
Earlier puberty has been associated with deleterious long-term health outcomes.
These include:
- metabolic disorders, such as insulin resistance, prediabetes, and type 2 diabetes
- increased cardiometabolic risk, such as high cholesterol, high blood pressure, overweight, and obesity
- increased risk of breast and endometrial cancer in girls and testicular cancer in boys
- psychosocial difficulties
- psychological and behavioral issues from confusion to social withdrawal to extreme anger or fear to major depressive disorder
- shorter adult height
- improper expectation from adults because of older appearances, leading to self-doubt, misalignment with peers, improper situations and relationships
- increased risk of sexual abuse, especially for girls”
https://www.cuimc.columbia.edu/news/precocious-puberty-and-why-it-matters
Reading articles like these reminds me of Song of Songs 8:4, “I charge you, do not stir up or awaken love until the appropriate time“. We’re only beginning to understand why this “appropriate time” is so important to our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being.
What is causing this earlier, faster sexual maturity in our children? While science is still exploring, the article referenced above says it’s “due to the COVID pandemic, the increased prevalence of childhood obesity, and endocrine-disrupting chemicals in cosmetics and personal care products.”
Another interesting factor to consider is the presence of a warm, Christ-like father in the home. Even secular sources acknowledge this. For example, one Psychology Today article explores why more kids are experiencing early puberty:
Analyzing studies conducted in the U.S. and New Zealand between 1999 and 2012, Ellis found that father absence during early childhood was linked to accelerated onset of puberty.
Fathers have unique effects on their daughters’ sexual development: The absence of father investment in a daughter may speed puberty.
In later analyses of data Ellis also found that girls who experienced warm and supportive parenting and biological father presence in the early preschool years had later than average pubertal development.
For all these reasons, we should take advantage of those precious, early childhood years – I’m thinking ages 0-8 – to set the foundation for a loving, supportive home. And when puberty does hit, it shouldn’t be something that takes us by surprise. Hopefully, we’ll have had years to prepare both ourselves and our children for it.
Here are some tips:
Tip #1: Start with books and read-alouds (to begin discussions).
Discussion of the human body should start early, as soon as your children have enough interest in the topic to listen as you read aloud to them. For example, in our household we used The Usborne Complete Book of the Human Body. It was a resource that just stayed on our shelf, and anytime a child wanted us to read a picture or section, we would work to incorporate that into our daily routine.
For specifically Christian resources, you might also consider ‘The Talk’ series by Luke and Trisha Gilkerson. We used these for bedtime discussions with our older children after the littler ones were asleep. It helped our older children to have a special “one-on-one time” with their parents when we wouldn’t be disturbed by younger siblings!
Tip #2: Keep communication lines open.
Ideally, your children should feel free to discuss anything with you at any time, though you may need to set some boundaries (e.g. not when you’re out in a crowded public setting, or in the middle of something “urgent” like putting out a fire!).
Honestly, though, those boundaries should be expansive enough to allow for conversations that are meaningful and thoughtful enough to satisfy your children’s curiosity and give you space as a parent to listen and process.
If a question does take you by surprise, try not to convey that in a negative way to your child. I’ve often found a simple follow-up question such as, “Where did you hear that?” or “Why do you ask?” can help me get more information without making my child feel defensive or uncomfortable.
Tip #3: Initiate some of the discussions on your own.
This can feel intimidating to parents, but it helps your children know puberty is not an “if” but “when” matter! I’ve found some of these can happen naturally as part of everyday life – for example, pointing out feminine hygiene products with my daughter as we pass them in the grocery store.
See more tips in this blog post: How to incorporate sex ed into your daily routine
Tip #4: Encourage your children to enjoy their unique age (whatever that may be).
As my children grow older, I sometimes hear from them sentiments such as “I can’t wait to grow up and be able to drive my own car!”
On the flip side, I also occasionally hear sentiments such as “I don’t want to grow up and have all this extra responsibility!”
To both sentiments, I usually tell them to enjoy the age and stage of their lives that they’re in currently (maybe after an inward giggle and chuckle!) because it will never come back.
Perhaps one of the best pieces of advice I could give myself as a new mom was, at the end of each day, to look at my (now) sleeping child and remind myself, “They will never be this young again.” Even if it was only a day’s difference, the principle still remained.
Any other places/ways to discuss puberty with your children before it happens? Let us know in the comments or send us a private message!
