One major challenge to Christian sex education (#2 on this blog post list) involves thinking that our children aren’t ready for it yet.
On one hand, I strongly believe that children should not be given more information on sex than they can handle, and I sympathize with personal struggles on knowing when – or how – to introduce such weighty topics to our kiddos.
Corrie ten Boom in her book The Hiding Place tells a story where she wanted to know more about the sexual process as a child, and her mother refused to say anything about it. Finally she asks her father.
Instead of answering her question directly, her father asks her to try carrying his suitcase, which happens to be lying nearby. She tries to pick it up, but finds it too heavy for her.
In the same way, her father explains, some things in life are too heavy right now for her to carry. Until she is older, her father says, she must trust that her father will carry those things for her until she is mature and independent enough to carry them on her own.
This story touches me deeply, and I can see the wisdom in that approach.
On the other hand, parents can sometimes make the mistake of waiting too long, and giving too little information on this subject. Today children as young as 6-8 years are being exposed to porn. If your child has already heard sexual slurs or been exposed to sexual matters early, you need to be a trusted voice to help them understand the situation, along with potential dangers, as soon as possible.
Here’s a list of 7 tips that can help parents evaluate where their child is on this spectrum of extremes between “too young” and “too much info (TMI)”:
Tip #1: Watch their attention span.
If your child asks a question like, “Where did I come from?” you can start by simply saying something like, “You came from Mommy’s tummy” or, if they are adopted, “You came from your biological mommy’s tummy.”
If they probe deeper, however, or appear unsatisfied with that explanation, then you can dive into a more detailed explanation such as, “Humans have babies whenever there is a fertilized egg. A fertilized egg just means that sperm has entered the egg and fertilized it. Daddies, or men, contribute the sperm, and mommies, or women, contribute the egg.”
If that still doesn’t satisfy them, then feel free to launch into all the sexual intercourse details with as normal a face and verbal expressions as you can muster. Make it a science homeschool lesson and show pictures of human eggs and sperm. Usually they lose interest at some point and wander off. At this point, give yourself a pat on the back–congratulations! You’ve done an amazing job!
Tip #2: Repeat as often as needed.
I know this tip took me by surprise when I became a mom, ha!
Don’t be unnecessarily concerned if you find yourself repeating the same sex ed information to your child again and again.
We have an Usborne children’s book, The Usborne Complete Book of the Human Body, as a reference and homeschool resource. I was surprised at how often one child (a preschooler at the time!) wanted me to read aloud the “Conception and birth” page. Soon I felt like I knew every word by heart.
Tip #3: Watch your own body language.
Ever had to stop yourself from giggling hysterically or expressing utter shock and terror right in front of your child? (Guilty as charged!)
Sometimes they’ve done something wrong, but they’re just so cute about it that you can’t help smiling inwardly.
Sometimes they catch you doing something wrong, like sneaking cookies or chocolate that are typically off-limits before mealtimes, and you know you’ve been busted! (speaking from … cough cough … purely hypothetical scenarios of course)
Well, sexual education can sometimes fit that category where you have to watch your own reactions extra carefully. Sometimes it’s just a really cute question in a dejected voice, like – “How come adults can have babies and I can’t?!”
Before you start howling with laughter, take a moment to step back and try to see things from your child’s perspective. They have no idea of what they’re missing – and maybe that’s a good thing!
Tip #4: Use scientific and medical names for body parts.
Bath-times can be excellent teaching tools for young children to introduce our private body parts in a safe, healthy environment.
I’m a big fan of using scientific and medical names without sidestepping the issue. Children have acutely sensitive radar that can detect the slightest modicum of embarrassment, shame, or confusion.
Additionally, using specific terms can also provide an important defensive measure against sexual abuse. If your child ever needs to report that someone touched them inappropriately, cutesy terms like “minnie” or “wee-wee” may generate more confusion than clarity.
Tip #5: If unsure, ask questions.
Sometimes a young child can come at you with a very confusing question or statement, and we as parents can jump to conclusions too quickly: “Oh no, we never discussed that before,” or “Puberty just arrived early…10-12 years ahead of schedule!“
If something like this happens, some clarifying questions can help:
- “What do you mean by that?”
- “Where did you hear that?”
- “I’m not sure I understand. Can you tell me more about _____?”
- “Why do you think that?”
All these questions are open-ended and are designed to start and guide a conversation, not shut down discussion. You want to walk a delicate balance where your child feels comfortable bringing you any of their questions, while also establishing clear boundaries and expectations for them.
These questions can also give you more time to process where your child is coming from and place everything in context!
Tip #6: Hint at the big picture of relationships.
Based on your child’s personality, they may love to “play grown-ups” with you. One child loved to do role plays of pretend situations with me, especially after her baby brother arrived and we had to re-enact the whole “going off to the hospital/birthing center” scene while she was whisked off to her grandparents’ house.
Other big-picture hints involve talking about what life is like as an adult: how to choose your friends wisely, look out for people of good character, avoid giving too much information to strangers, etc.
For some reason my kids have always loved hearing about how Mommy and Daddy met. My daughter has already asked me, “But Mommy, how did you know that Daddy was the right person to marry?” I can’t remember how young she was when she asked it, but I remember feeling shocked at the time – she was way too young to be asking that question! Or at least so I thought.
Tip #7: Pray for your child’s future spouse (knowing that person may not exist).
My parents once told me that they started praying for my future spouse as soon as I was born. I remember the awe and profound gratitude that washed over me as soon as they said that – what a beautifully loving and sacrificial act! They also said they prayed for my future spouse, and me, every single day of my childhood.
They finally got to meet the person they had been praying for all those years, more than two decades after they began. To this day I’ve continued the tradition by praying for my children’s future spouses – knowing full well that these prayers may or may not be answered by a specific person.
However, God knows all things. Knowing how my own love story turned out, I’m convinced that every one of my parents’ prayers for us have been answered, exceedingly abundantly above everything we could have imagined when my husband and I were still children.
Got any other tips on teaching sex education to very young children? Let us know in the comments or in a private message!
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