Do you face challenges in introducing a Christian sex education to your children? Many families may just not know how to go about the topic if they never saw it modeled in their own homes growing up.
From my own experience, I’ve compiled a list of powerful sex education tips that I saw modeled from my own parents’ example and what I’ve seen over the years:
Sex Ed Tip #1: ‘Check Your Eye’
Have you ever read this passage before in Matthew?
Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.
Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye? You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye. (Matthew 7:1-5, NIV)
Jesus’ command for us to remove the plank from our own eye before looking at the speck in our brother’s eye has special significance, I believe, when it applies to our sex lives.
Just like in an airplane drill for potential emergencies, we are told to adjust our own oxygen masks first before checking whether our children’s oxygen masks are on correctly. In the same way, if we are bringing baggage or unaddressed trauma from our own lives into our parenting, this can have tremendous repercussions for our children.
The statistics from the National Sexual Violence Resource Center make it clear that many people in our nation today are suffering from sexual abuse and trauma. If you are one of these people, God knows your pain. He sees everything and grieves alongside you. He counts every hair on your head (Matthew 10:30).
Many resources exist to help Christians process and heal from sexual abuse and trauma, such as Biblical counseling and therapy. My mother also recommends the book “Emotional Healing in 3 Easy Steps” by Praying Medic.
Sex Ed Tip #2: Each Child Is Unique (Their Sex Ed Will Be, Too)
We often hear as homeschoolers how every child is unique, and a “one-size-fits-all” education doesn’t always work! One child may learn best through visual aids, while another child turns to auditory outlets (such as songs, rhymes, and lectures), while yet another child loves kinesthetic learning through hands-on crafts and tactile manipulatives.
In the same way, sex education can look different based on the specific needs and strengths of your child. They may not even be interested in sexual or romantic matters until much later in childhood, or they may have lots of questions starting at age 5 or earlier – e.g.
- Where do babies come from?
- Why did you and Daddy/Mommy decide to get married?
- How do you know the person you’re marrying is good for you? (That last question was posed to me by an extremely precocious 4-year-old girl – I had to admit I was floored by the profundity of her insight!)
Try to tailor your child’s sex education according to their age and interest levels, but always make room for introducing key topics and themes yourself as well.
Often children are naturally interested in these matters, but they may not know how to frame the questions until they’re given an opening (for example, reading aloud a book like “God Made Me: A Book to Help Children Protect Their Bodies” by Justin and Lindsey Holcomb can open the door to great family discussions).
Sex Ed Tip #3: Redeem The Time
Looking back over my childhood, I’m amazed at how often my mom dealt with sex education (or any other educational topic, for that matter) in the midst of extremely routine, mundane, everyday matters.
Maybe it was during car rides, grocery shopping, eating meals, or just before bedtime. Whatever the time or wherever the activity, she was always ready to hear our questions or teach us something new.
Now that I’m a mom, I have an extra-special appreciation for my mom in that I know how challenging that can be, especially when I’m in the midst of something “important” like – oh, you know, paying taxes, answering business emails, etc. It seems like my children always have the best questions outside school time, not during school when I’m most prepared and ready to have discussions!
More and more, I’m having to learn that our children’s education takes place on its own terms, and as their primary teacher, I often need to adjust and change my teaching methods based on their specific needs at that time. It’s truly a labor of love.
Sex Ed Tip #4: Beware ‘Seeming-Right’ Stories
This principle is based off Proverbs 18:17:
The first one to plead his case seems right, Until another comes and cross-examines him.” (AMP)
As I was studying journalism at a community college, I learned about research examining the impact that mass media can have in shaping public opinion. The researchers concluded that media has little to no impact on shaping opinions that have already been formed. For example, if you already hate broccoli, no amount of positive broccoli media coverage is likely to change your mind!
However, research showed a different result when the media coverage concerned subjects that people hadn’t heard of before. If the mass media portrayed a prominent public figure in a negative light, for example, and the reader had never heard of this person until they saw this portrayal, the reader was more likely to think negatively of that public figure.
This is one of the reasons why I believe so strongly in parents being the primary, first source of sex education to our children. Their first impressions on this subject are likely to carry the most weight, for better or worse. It’s in our best interests as parents to make it as positive and God-honoring as possible.
If we allow other people such as media outlets or peers to set the first impression or “plead their case” of sexual matters for our children, it can seem right and make sense to them at first glance. Granted, we can come afterward and “cross-examine” the viewpoint, but we may not even know the viewpoint has been planted until much later.
(This also applies the other way around: Our viewpoints about sex, including the ones that we have taught our children, can come under fire and “cross-examination” from the culture around us, especially as our children mature. Be prepared to talk with your child about viewpoints different from yours, and to discuss them in a respectful and honoring way without belittling the people who think differently from you.)
Sex Ed Tip #5: Don’t Expect Perfection, But Trust In God’s Provision
Many times I revisit past conversations or discussions with my children in my mind, thinking over my responses and wondering, “I could have explained that better!” or “I can’t believe I forgot to mention ______ in that conversation!”
If you’re the same way and keep going over your “shortfalls” and “misses” as a parent and teacher to your children, be encouraged – this helps keep us humble!
Many times I have to remind myself that I’m not perfect, that I’m human and make mistakes, and that God knows this and still loves me perfectly. He has entrusted my children to my care for this short time until they reach adulthood. (Sometimes I’m overawed that He trusted me that much!)
If you need to apologize to your children for any past mistakes, it really is best to apologize sooner rather than later. My parents set a great example in apologizing to us whenever they thought they had done something to hurt us unintentionally. I have also needed to apologize to my children after I have hurt them unintentionally, too. (For example, I have tossed cherished toys away without realizing how much they were cherished!)
Do you have any sex ed tips to share with us? Let us know in the comments or contact us – we’d love to hear your thoughts!
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