If your child is older than 2, you’ve probably thought about this at least once: what should I let my child watch and/or eat? Where do I set boundaries, parental controls, and more? Am I being too strict or too lenient in my approach?
Families who are co-parenting have an additional set of questions to ask: What are the areas where my opinion on boundaries differs from my spouse or significant other? Will my child pick up on that and play us against each other? (Hint: The answer is almost always yes!)
Obviously I would be lying if I said only “one” right answer exists for every family. Just as every child is unique, so is every parent. Ideally, some of the best conversations can arise just by hashing out these conversations early and planning your parental strategies accordingly!
In terms of making a general guideline, though, I think all parents want their children to mature into courageous, honest citizens who make choices freely while bearing any consequences that follow. While we want them to feel empowered, we also want them to examine the potential pitfalls and problems before they take action.
This also has important repercussions in sex education where the media that your children watch can reference sexual acts, innuendo, etc. That’s why I always recommend that parents actively monitor any shows that your children are watching. If they start using catch-phrases or slang that you don’t remember teaching them, it can be fine to ask, “Where did you hear/see that?” Hopefully your relationship with them is strong enough that they will actually want to tell you all the details with enthusiasm!
As usual, I draw on my own experience when thinking about the boundaries and controls I want to set for my children. I was raised in a Christian home and to this day, I appreciate the thought and love my parents put into my childhood.
My parents’ approach to what they let us watch and eat came in three basic ages, or seasons:
1. What we watched and ate from age 10 and under
Before I turned 10 years old, I remember being pretty limited in the things I could see and eat. At least one of my parents was always with me whenever there was new food and/or people around! TV was mostly children’s movies, shows, or “boring” news shows that my parents watched while I couldn’t understand a word.
My parents were also pretty strict diet-wise, too. My mom, who was a retired doctor, already limited our sugar intake. Dessert was mostly fruits. If we did have a sweet treat, we shared it as a family, meaning I usually received one-fourth of the serving size along with the other 3 members of the household! (I still remember watching a chocolate bar or some such delicacy being meticulously cut into quarters … a great way to introduce fractions, by the way.)
If we were interested in a new movie, or if my parents wanted to show us a new movie, they always previewed it first and discussed it with us afterward. My mom had no problems detailing certain scenes or telling us when a scary moment was about to come so we could look away if we wanted. (I still remember covering my eyes when the “Independence Day” movie came out and the alien came to life on the operating table!)
2. What we watched and ate from ages 10-16
As I grew older, my parents relaxed their posture by allowing us to see more mature, adult-themed movies/TV and such, but they usually always previewed it first or watched it alongside us. These actually became valuable family times, where we all felt free to comment on things we liked/disliked about the shows.
Regarding diet, my parents still made very clear that they didn’t want us to eat a lot of sugar. However, they definitely gave us more freedom to choose what we wanted vs. micromanaging our food for us. We could also begin making our own food, too! I still remember the joys of learning to bake cakes and muffins, make guacamole, help with dinner, and more.
3. What we watched and ate from ages 16 and onward
By now we were virtually independent, but by that time we appreciated, loved, and valued our parents’ perspective so much that we often brought things to them to discuss! 
And to this day, I still try to maintain a healthy avoidance of sugar, which goes to show how powerful a mom’s influence can be. While I still eat sweet, special treats in moderation, I can’t go crazy on them without feeling a corresponding twinge in my conscience. I really admire my mother in this area because she shows so much patience and faithfulness in doing what she believes to be right – even for foodies like us who love good food!
That’s one of the beauties of a tight-knit, Christian family. Your parents become your best friends, and now that I’m a parent, my children are becoming my best friends too.
If you’re into reading books, I recommend “Grace Based Parenting” by Tim Kimmel. He shares great advice and perspectives on how to focus on your child’s heart rather than fussing with external rules and regulations that may ultimately alienate you from one another.
What are some of the boundaries or parental controls you’ve placed for your child? What do you think you should let them watch or eat? We’d love to hear your thoughts!
Good guidance here for parents to consider what limits to put on their kids. I realized several months ago that I had given a bit too much freedom on what my boys (and us parents) were watching. They were shows with good storylines, and even showing good morals to learn from, but intertwined with scenes that I consider to be soft porn. Mainstream shows and movies are hard to find without that! However, we’ve mostly moved to choosing entertainment (and learning) from RedeemTV, PureFlix, and we’re still working through the Little House series. So many good viewing options out there!
Yes – totally understand the struggle! Thanks for sharing your story and tips, Stephanie.